Bitter

fifteen - lydia

Lunch was different today than yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that.

My school had long tables instead of round ones, so I sat at the very end of one (away from everyone else, no one wanted me near them anyway). I was eating some chips, scrolling absentmindedly through my phone, but occasionally looking up to people watch. Each person was kind of like a different TV channel in a way. Watching Danielle from history class show her friends a new meal she'd brought was a great substitute for a cooking show. Gloriana comparing necklaces and bracelets with Riley could easily replace one of those boring shopping channels. Cal staring down the new student at another table provided me with a dose of drama.

I decided to tune in on Cal's channel because the more I looked, the more my confusion grew. Cal was sitting with Jason, like a normal day, but the other two, Zach and Marco, were missing from the picture. Instead, they were at the new guy's table, talking about who knows what. Marco burst out laughing and I looked back at Cal to see him shake his head at Jason, then rub the back of his neck. Something was clearly going on.

Cal exchanged a few more words with Jason, stood up, and instead of approaching Zach and Marco like I'd thought he'd do, he turned around and marched swiftly my way. I was watching how quick he walked, like the floor was on fire and his shoes were already smoking. Judging by his expression, maybe it was the other way around. Maybe he was the one burning, causing the floor to burst into flames.

He fleeted in my direction, then looked over at me for what felt like forever, his brown eyes blazing as if to demand me not to talk about whatever I was witnessing. He passed by me with a slight gust of air and I stared after him, walking down the hall. Where was he even deciding on going? One of the administrators was sure to catch him if he tried to escape from school.

I turned back to my phone and my bag of chips. Every single one I ate from then on was especially salty.

———

   Mom and I were sitting outside in the backyard, eating dinner (the temperature was perfect, not too warm, not too cold). She had ordered pizza and we were both just talking about nothing in particular. I wondered what channel Mom and I would be to my neighbors if they were watching us from afar.

   Mom brought a slice of pepperoni pizza to her mouth and took a bite. Chewing, she smiled at me and once she'd swallowed, she said, "This has to be the best so far."

   I nodded, agreeing with her wholeheartedly. Mom and I had probably tried over a dozen pizza places over the years and had been in search of the perfect one. "We finally found it," I remarked with a smile of my own.

   Mom and I both settled in the comfortable silence (and the food), taking in the sounds of the cars heard off in the distance. The sky was a navy blue with traces of lavender and orange, most likely left over from the sun that had just dipped below the horizon. Too bad we couldn't see the sunset through all of the trees surrounding the yard.

   "So..." Mom began and I looked up from my pizza, "did school go well today?"

   I paused. Thoughts of Cal and Meg and the new student raced through my head. I remembered Cal rushing down the hall angrily after seeing Zach and Marco were hanging out with the new guy. Cal deserved whatever was going on. "Yeah," I responded.

   Mom took a sip of her Coke. "That's good," she replied.

   Nodding, I mirrored Mom and drank a little bit of my soda. "How was your day?" I asked, sensing that that was just what Mom had wanted me to ask all along. She hesitated before she spoke again, glancing at our pool that desperately needed cleaning.

   "I ran into Penny. Mrs. Warrick. While I was getting groceries today," she informed me. "We were talking and she brought up that her son was driving her crazy and was out late yesterday with...what's her name...that girl you're friends with?"

   "Meg and we aren't friends," I answered almost immediately.

   "Oh," she said, "when did that happen?"

   I stared down at the rest of the pizza (which was probably all cold now), avoiding Mom's inquisitive stare. "A couple years ago, but it's fine. I don't really care about it." I somehow took another bite of pizza, chewed, and swallowed it, even though I was quickly losing my appetite. Mom glanced over at the kitchen window, then opened her mouth to speak. I beat her to it. "What do you want to say, Mom," I asked, yet the sentence came out flat, none of it like a question.

   Mom let out a short, nervous laugh like she'd been caught, figured out. She looked at me, a sudden seriousness weaved into her features. "Lyd," she started, "I want to know if that boy is doing anything to hurt you. I want to know you're actually okay." She sighed. "You've been...different lately, and after Penny told me Cal was causing problems I just, thought about..." She didn't continue and instead swallowed her worries with another gulp of Coke.

   I wasn't sure what I did to deserve Mom. It had been just me and her ever since kindergarten, and maybe what happened that year was why we didn't want to leave each other. We couldn't leave each other.

   The soft glow of the light in the kitchen window illuminated Mom and me as we sat outside, our hands both resting on the table now. I spoke next, quietly, and even though I was lying through my teeth, I felt like what I was saying was true. Sincere. "No, Cal isn't doing anything, Mom. I'm okay," I assured her. If I'd told her the truth that Cal had scared me in the CVS parking lot that one night or was dating Meg to upset me, she would call up Mrs. Warrick in a heartbeat. I didn't feel the need for that to happen because I could handle Cal myself, and more importantly, his irritation was for once directed at someone else for the time being.

   I also didn't remind her that it takes two to have a rivalry last eleven years.

   Mom's relief-filled grin was contagious. "Okay, that's good, Lydia," she said. "You would let me know if anything was wrong, right?"

    I looked at Mom, and though I wanted to be completely honest with her (as she was with me), I replied with, "Always."