Surfacing

Chapter 16

Janet

Janet couldn't stop the tears from falling. The tears weren't from anger but from love. She couldn't comprehend why she still loved her so much. The thing with not being able to say her name was driving her crazy. Janet had tried many times she'd get out the T but nothing else after it. With the help of Dr. Grayson she forgave Toni a long time ago. Now Janet just wanted to be happy.

"I take it you saw her?"

"Why do I still love her so much? I saw her yesterday because my daughter kept asking for her."

"How did you feel about that?"

"It was a little overwhelming and scared me a little. She and my daughter have shared a connection since I gave birth to her."

"Why did you come today?"

"I don't know how to process how I'm feeling. I just want so much to reach out and hug her but every time I try to, I freeze up. I want to be able to communicate with her. I want to be able to say her name. I want to love her if she'll let me."

"You've known you still loved her for a while now. Do you want a relationship with her?"

"Dr. Grayson that's what I don't know. I love her and want to but at the same time I don't/can't open myself up to hurt like that again. I can't keep letting other people's decisions dictate my life."

"It seems you know what your heart wants but it can't get past your brain."

"That's exactly it. I think about how if I do find myself in a relationship with her, will it last."

"They're made for each other." Dr. Grayson mumbled as she wrote down some notes. "Janet we are going to explore why you have a mental block towards her. That's something we should have done a while ago, but I had to wait for you to be ready."

"Now I'm ready. I want her." Janet had quickly made up her mind. "I don't care what anybody else has to say. I need to get over this brain/heart thing because it's irritating me."

"Okay, homework time. Write her a letter explaining to her all the things you felt then all the way until now. Explain your love, life with Journey and anything else you want to say. Make it as long or short as you want. Bring it with you next week."

Dr. Grayson

Jillian was mentally exhausted and the day wasn't even through yet. Luckily, she only had one more person to see and that wouldn't be until after lunch. She was sitting at her desk going over in her mind what to do about Toni and Janet. Both women loved each other but Janet's brain is protecting her from Toni. Toni loves Janet and just wants to be able to communicate. Jillian knew that eventually she would have to have a joint session with both.

Jillian decided to get some advice from a colleague. She picked up the phone and dialed Mason's number.
"Hey Mace, I need your opinion on something."

"Hey Jill, sure. Just tell me what's going on."

She explained to him the connection of her two clients and asked how she could get them sit down with each other. He said to give them time. They both needed to heal from the trauma that person 2 (Toni) caused. Once they were able to get past that then they could sit down and talk to each other. Jillian knew this would be a long couple of months but if she could get these two women back together then it would be worth it.

Toni

Toni didn't know how to feel after talking to Dr. Grayson. She did like the fact that Dr. Grayson helped her to begin to sort out her decisions.