The Month Of May

Chapter 24

THAT COULDN'T HAVE GONE WORSE.

As I stared at the ocean-painted walls while sitting in my new, soft bed, I couldn't help but feel continuously more and more guilty. I had just set them up to be betrayed, set them up for nothing but heartbreak...This was how I was going to repay their generosity?

I couldn't be deterred now. I played with the ring on my finger before trying to settle into the comforter.

It didn't work...and I tossed and turned all night.

The next morning, after a quick breakfast, Armin and I headed back to the training grounds. Even though I hadn't gotten any sleep, I wasn't tired. How could I have that right, anyway?

"...Annie, are you alright?" Armin questioned. "You've been awfully quiet all morning. I mean, I know that this is a lot, but...I hope that you'll feel comfortable soon."

"Yeah...Me too," I sighed. "Sorry. It's just...I'm still...in shock."

Yeah, let's call it that.

"Completely understandable," Armin chuckled softly. His blonde hair somehow managed to stay completely out of his face. How in the world did he manage that? My hair fell into my eyes every five seconds, and my locks was up. Uh...What was he saying? I hadn't been paying attention, I was focused on his blonde tresses...whoops. "Isn't thay right?"

"Um...Yes. Definitely."

Silence illuminated the room like a candle in the darkness, and I could tell I had really killed the mood...like usual. I had never been bothered by my lack of social cues, but it just kinda sucked right about now. I wanted to communicate with him, I just...couldn't. I just didn't have it in me...

"Hey, we're here," Armin announced to break the uncomfortable silence. For that, I was grateful.

"Yeah. I wonder what we'll be doing today."

Nothing fun, as it turned out.

It was just more training against those stupid cardboard cutouts. They didn't even move, how was this supposed to train anyone? Apparently, the stupid test was tomorrow. The one that would announce the top ten of the class...I had to avoid getting into that at all costs. I may be legal now, but getting any attention from Erwin Smith himself would be devastating. I didn't even know if I could avoid him. A newly adopted girl enlisted in the military...he was bound to notice something was up...

No. I had to stop overthinking. I couldn't think like that. Hopefully, Shadis wouldn't be overseeing the test, or else he'd definitely mark me top ten. I couldn't have that happen to me...

I could manipulate my results. That was it. That was what I had to do.

"What are you thinking about, Annie?" Armin asked innocently as we ate dinner at my new domicile. I blinked rapidly, snapping out of my reverie as I remembered just where I was; sitting at the kitchen table with the rest of Armin's family. I shrugged and shoveled a scoop of mashed potatoes into my mouth.

"Just thinking about tomorrow. I'm...nervous," That wasn't a lie. It was easiest to use half truths in order to avoid further guilt.

"Me too. You're not the one who needs to be nervous, though, Annie," Armin scratched the back of his neck anxiously. "I'm worried they'll take one look at me and determine I'm not worth it."

"They won't. Well, Levi might," Armina corrected herself with a cheerful smile. "But Hange won't. She's got an eye for talented brains like you, Armin!"

"Yeah, that's right. I wouldn't stress out about it, it's not as if the Great Leader is there," Victor said. He had no idea how much his words reassured me. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of my chest. It didn't seem as if Shadis was there, either...well, if he was, I could just use my eyes, no problem.

"That would be pretty stressful," Armin let out a shaky breath. "But you'll be fine, Annie. You've got more prowess than basically all of us. You're naturally skilled."

Not really. I just had years of fighting above them.

"No. I just learned how to fight from my father. Well, in the occasion that he actually acknowledged my existence before...well...you know."

"Right...Well, forget him! Besides, it's not all about fighting," Victor took a sip of his tea. "The strategy is important. Teamwork!"

"Yes. Teamwork is incredibly important," I said stiffly. It wasn't that I disagreed, it was just that I more or less found it physically impossible. Reiner and Bertolt were always stuck like glue. I had never managed to feel the same way; I was too awkward, too focused on exclusively the mission. I didn't quite understand what teamwork meant...and I still don't think I do. "I just...don't happen to be good at it."

"No, that's not true," Armin disagreed almost immediately, much to my shock. "You help me out in training all the time! You're a good teacher, and you stick by my side. You're plenty good at it."

Taken aback by Armin's words, I had to take a second to respond.

"That's...That's just because it's you," I tried to explain. That didn't really make sense, but...Yes, it was because it was him. He was...he was the key to my success, yeah. Of course I would help him with training, my mission depended on that! That was the only explanation. "I'm comfortable with you. Anyone else I would destroy just by being there. Just look at Mikasa."

"Mikasa hates everyone, darling," Armina chuckled. "Don't take it too personally."

"Well, yeah! You seem to get along fine with Eren," Armin pointed out. "I think you like people more than you realize."

No. I just like you.

Did I-Did I really just say that? And why? I mean, sure, he was nice enough, but in the end, he was just a tool. That was all.

A tool. Yes...

But if that was the truth, why did my heart ache so much?

"Yeah, well, we'll find out tomorrow."