The Month Of May

Chapter 32

THE MONTH OF MAY BEGAN TODAY.

I was honestly speechless.

Here it was. The month of showings with chaos, anarchy, destruction, death, and despair just to keep the citizens entrapped. I had been warned about the dangers of this video, and told specifically not to let my mind get warped after watching it since I already knew the truth. If the dangerous people I worked with thought that the video was mind-warping, then this video had to contain some really messed up content.

Yet, while this video was going to occur today, while my mission always overlooked everything I did and yesterday's contents continued to haunt me, the only thing my mind could focus on was Armin's kiss.

Dammit, brain, stop doing that! There's more important things to worry about. Even so, I couldn't stop. My hand subconsciously lifted to my lips, where Armin's had once been pressed against. What in the world was this feeling? It was like a fire was being lit under me, and I-I liked it.

I didn't have time to be liking stuff like that!

I wasn't here to get invested in people. I didn't have time for this. They warned me not to get attached...and I had failed. I twisted my ring on my finger anxiously. Yes, I was attached. The only thing I could do now was hope that this attachment didn't get in the way of my mission's progress.

Armin's fingers suddenly laced between mine before I even realized it. My breath caught in my throat as I glanced over to him. He flashed me a small smile, one that I could tell was faked. Of course it was. Yesterday had to be just as traumatizing for him as it was for me, yet he was still capable of smiling? No matter how fake it was, I still appreciated the effort. He was trying to reassure me.

Too bad he was reassuring the monster who had created that mess.

Who was I kidding earlier when I said I hoped my personal attachment to Armin wouldn't interfere with the mission? It already had. Guilt was beginning to seep through my entire being as I saw first hand just how kind people could be, even during a time like this. There was no way Armin would be treating me like this if he knew who I was.

"It's going to be okay," Armin said reassuringly as we made our way into the screening for the first day of May. "We're going to be okay."

"...Yes..." I muttered, the warmth of his hand only serving to keep me guilty. "We...we will be..."

We walked toward the large screen, where everyone else from within the walls were trapped. I happened to see a couple of familiar faces; some from my training, like Mikasa and Eren, others from the excavation yesterday. As I caught the eye of someone with bandages over their entire body, I quickly looked away. I didn't need more evidence about my crimes.

"Names," a security guard said gruffly, glancing over at Armin's family and me.

"What? Armina, Victor, Armin, and Annie Arlert," Armina said, confused. "Why? We've never had to have security here before.."

"Commander Erwin has ordered for it this year. I suspect it's because of...recent events," the guard bit her cheek. "Let's see...I...hm...Annie..."

I quickly glanced up toward her, my eyes flashing a brighter blue. She blinked, before nodding.

"You guys are clear." the guard gave us a small smile. "Thank you for your time."

We passed through security. I could feel Armin's eyes on me, though I wasn't necessarily sure why. Well, a lot of stuff had happened lately...my free hand moved to my lips. I had destroyed his town, and yet he could kiss me?

This was a moment that would never be seen by Erwin. The trampling of the village had made sure of that; for the true purpose was to disable the cameras everywhere. Private as it was to Erwin's eyes, I still couldn't think about the moment without wincing.

This was my duty, my weight to bear.

Why had I made it more difficult on myself?

Erwin's voice flew from a speaker as everyone was seated, sending chills down my spine and snapping me out of my thoughts. The voice of the man who entrapped all of these people, when they could be allowed to roam the world freely...

"Welcome. Today begins the annual Month of May," Erwin's tone had a very no-nonsense feel toward itself. His voice demanded respect. "I know this is difficult for many people to watch. However, the outside world is a dangerous place. Floods, chaos...everyone must be aware. Please rise up as citizens of the walls and recognize how grateful we must be. Thank you for your time."

His voice shut off, and the screening began.