The Month Of May

Chapter 30

HE KISSED ME.

He...kissed me.

Me.

The very monster he despised.

I knew I shouldn't. I knew I should push him away. I knew I should stop him and tell him everything, or at the very least stop this so that his feelings weren't as hurt when the truth came out.

But even though you know what you should do, it doesn't mean you always do it.

I didn't stop him. In fact, for the first time since he'd appeared, my body finally moved out of it's frozen state. His hand cupped my face as I shut my eyes to lean in. What was wrong with me? I had never felt this way before. A warmth was spreading through my body, from our intertwined fingers and our lips to the rest of me.

What was happening to me?

I had never...wanted anyone like this before. Whatever this was...it was foreign. Strange. Uncomfortable.

Forbidden.

Deceitful.

Wrong.

But it felt so good. I didn't want to pull away...

But I did.

My common sense gradually came back to me as I pulled away. I could feel his warm hand clinging onto mine, his other hand against my cheek as my lips tingled from the loss of warmth.

What had we done?

"Armin-"

"I'm sorry!" Armin immediately panicked, his mannerisms just as flighty as mine as he released both my hand and cheek. Cold flooded back into my body. I subconsciously lifted my own hand back to my cheek as if to check if it was real. He was still panicking. "I just-I don't know-I don't know-!"

"We shouldn't have done that," I said softly before glancing around. The buildings were destroyed, but did that mean the cameras were too? I'd hope so. Armina and Victor had disappeared from our view, along with everyone else. Where had they gone? I had no idea. But...no one was here. I could...I could confess.

No. What in the hell was I thinking just now? The mission could be jeopardized if I told him. I had to do this. I had to!

"I know we shouldn't have. I'm sorry! I've barely even known you and-and-I don't know-I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm so sorry!"

"I-It's not because of that," I couldn't stop the words from flooding out of my mouth. Immediately, I clamped my hand over my lips in surprise. What in the world- "Um. Um..."

It would be so easy to just tell him that I just didn't have that sort of attraction toward him...

But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I didn't know how this possibly could have happened. I didn't mean to do it. I'd never done it before. I'd never even focused on it before.

Is it possible that I've...fallen?

How? When? I hadn't even noticed. Why? Like that was a question. He...He was so kind.

And I was about to ruin him.

He was blushing, a soft little smile playing against his lips. He had no idea what was coming for him. There was no way to stop him, to stop this, to stop any of it. One of the main dictums my father had told me when I left was to not get attached.

It was too late for that.

It had been too late for awhile now. Why else didn't I crush his house? Why else was I feeling guilty? Why else was I getting all flustered just at the thought of remembering what he'd done to me?

"A-Annie...I'm glad you're safe. I really am."

"No. No. No. Armin, I'm not who you think I am."

That's what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him everything. I really did. But...I couldn't. I couldn't do it. I don't even think it was because of the mission anymore. It had more to do with the fact that once I told him, he'd leave. He'd hate me.

The entire world could hate me for what I've done except for him...

"Me too," was what I ended up settling on. It was
a lame response after what had just happened, but he didn't seem disappointed or anything. He wrapped me into another hug, his warmth spreading through my body at the same speed as my guilt.

He was wrong.

The monster is right here.

And he has no idea.