But I Still Want You | Jikook ✓

Chapter 7: I'm Ready to Let Go

Jeongguk

Seoul, South Korea - 2015

I stare at the hospital door, waiting for my friend to arrive. Despite my parents spending so much money to keep me alive, I feel as though they don't truly care about me. Minji is the person who visits me most. My parents show up once in a blue moon. Minji shows up at least a few times a week. He's all I have to look forward to if I make it because he's the only one who cares about me.

The door flies open and a bumbling brunet jumps into my arms, squeezing me tightly. "Gguk, Gguk, guess what!"

"What?" I smirk, holding him tightly.

"I did it! I got my license!" He shows off the rectangular piece of plastic with his signature smile, automatically making me smile in return.

"Min-Min, I'm so proud of you!" I gush, squishing his cute cheeks as he giggles excitedly. "You're growing up!"

"Yeah! This means that as soon as you get out, I can drive you around all of Seoul and anywhere else! We can go to the beach! We can go on cute little shopping trips together. Oooh, we could look at the jewelry shops and get frozen yogurt. We could see dinosaurs at the museum and also learn about our solar system! I can take you to all of my favorite places and we can find some favorites for you too." He beams, hazel eyes piercing through me.

Swallowing, I look away. It sounds nice, but it's not for me. I don't get nice things. Minji can have all those things and more. He can continue to grow old and get married and/or have kids if he so pleases. But I... I have to die in a lonely hospital bed without having experienced anything like going on dates or being intimate with another person. My parents don't even visit and I can't remember the last time I was hugged. It was like in order to be a man, I was supposed to become hardened and live without loving skinship. Minji is the only person who touches me like this and it's fucked up of me for wanting him to never stop.

"Jeongguk..." Minji whispers. "What's wrong? You seem down."

"No, it's fine. I'm really happy for you." I force a smile.

"Bullshit." He smiles, cupping my face. "Tell me what's wrong or else I'll tickle you until you pee yourself."

I let out a scoff and close my eyes, leaning into his touch. "I'm just... jealous and sad. You get to grow up and experience things and I... you know..." I don't say it because I don't want to make him cry in my arms again. "I just wish I could have experienced more, you know? I'm quite lonely..."

"Am I not enough?" Minji's voice is quiet.

Pain shoots through my heart and my eyes open. "No, Minji, please don't get upset. It's not like that. I love your company so much. And it's not that I necessarily need someone else to come and visit me... It's just... the meaning of my flower is 'please love me,' you know?"

He nods, his lips forming a cute pout.

I continue. "And I'm eighteen and there's a chance... that I will never experience being loved. Nobody wants to kiss or... do more with the sick dude. So I'm just..." My face scrunches up. This is so hard to verbalize. "I'm disappointed, that's all."

Minji's eyes tear up and I quickly hug him, bringing him down to lie with me as he hides his face in my neck.

"Min-Min, I'm sorry for bringing up dying. I'll try and think more positively like you said. Please don't cry—"

"Stupid Gguk," Minji says, punching my side weakly. "You said I was enough. Liar..."

"Hey, I didn't lie. It's a different type of relationship."