But I Still Want You | Jikook ✓

Chapter 4: I Live in a Hospital

Jeongguk

Seoul, South Korea - 2015

"Gguk, did ya miss me?" a sweet voice calls, causing me to look up from my magazine and set it down next to me in the hospital bed.

I grin. "I did. Why didn't you tell me you were coming, Minji?"

The bubbly sixteen year-old giggles as he walks in with a big backpack. His hazel eyes light up as he runs his fingers through his brown hair. "I wanted to surprise you. And I didn't want the chance of you telling me no." He sits in the chair beside my bed and bites his lip. "I miss having you close. You live here twenty-four/seven now and I'm lonely. This probably sounds really self-centered, but I feel lost without you close by. We've been friends since before I can remember and without you living next door, it feels like a large part of my heart is missing, ya know?"

Frowning, I grab his hand and squeeze. "You aren't selfish, Min-Min. Don't ever feel afraid to tell me how you feel. There isn't time for second guesses or to hold anything back. You know that if I can't undergo treatment, then I won't be able to live on much longer—"

"DON'T," Minji yells before realizing his volume, quickly swallowing before running his hands through his hair. "Don't talk like that. Please. Not with me and not with anyone. Don't even think those scary thoughts because you might just think them into reality. If you think of good things, good things will come. All I think about is you living. If I could drop out of school and only think positive thoughts for you, I would. You're my best friend. And you've taken care of me literally my entire life." He wipes his glassy eyes, the hazel in them showing off multiple hues. "I just want to protect you and take care of you. It's all I think about."

I sigh and pet his head. "Min-Min, I'm your elder. I'm eighteen. I'm an adult. You should enjoy your youth rather than worry about this ticking time bomb. You should go hang out with people who have the time and ability to give you the attention you deserve. You should get a girlfriend. Have fun."

"I'm not a kid! You don't just suddenly turn eighteen one day and then outgrow me! We've known each other forever!" He yells, clenching his fists. "Being with you makes me happy," he whispers. "You don't let me down. And you aren't just some ticking time bomb. You're a person. You're my friend. Don't talk about yourself like that." He cuffs me. "I don't let people speak ill of my friends, ya hear, asshole?"

I let out a laugh. "Yes, sir. Whatever you want. You are in charge." I lie more comfortably in the bed. "What is on the agenda for today?"

He lights up. "I thought we could draw!"

"Tch, cute."

"Hey!" He hits me with my pillow ruthlessly. "Stop being so condescending, dickhead!"

"Ouch!" I whine. "How could you treat your elder like this?!"

He continues. "Elder, my ass. We both know my soul is older."

"Stop with that fantasy shit." I poke my tongue out and he hits me again. "OW! I'm in the hospital! Show some compassion, Minji!"

"You can take more than a pillow." He hits me harder.

I smile. Honestly, I love when Minji treats me like this. It's like he doesn't see me as just sick. It isn't a personality feature to him. I'm just Jeongguk to him. Nothing has changed. I'm just his pain in the ass friend and it excites me to have him treat me like a normal eighteen year-old. It makes me forget that I had to drop out of school and move into the hospital. Instead, I'm still neighbors with the cute neighbor kid with the glowing smile.

Minji gives me one last glare as he finishes his attack on me before handing me some art supplies and paper. "Draw something." He plops down and pulls out his sketchbook before beginning to sketch himself.

I nod silently, not feeling the need to fill the silence. I really have known Minji his entire life. My mom always tells me how obsessed I was with him as a two year-old. I would call him 'Baby Min-Min' every time we'd help babysit him as his mom was a single mother at the time with her husband serving time in the military. I would sit down with him for years, reading books to him despite being illiterate. I taught him how to walk and even how to use the bathroom. I've always been someone he's looked to for guidance and it scares the hell out of me to think that I have to leave him by himself. In the beginning, I used to think that he was overreacting when he would say that I have to live because he wouldn't know what to do without me.

But he may actually be right.

And the thought of that terrifies me to my core. Minji is smart, friendly, and beautiful. But he seems to depend on seeing me in a way that I don't fully understand. It feels similar to how I see him, but not quite. It's almost like he sees us as interwoven and that if my heartstrings are cut, his will be too. It makes me wonder if he really could die of heartbreak despite his age...

"What are you drawing?" I ask, shaking myself out of my thoughts. "Are you done?"

He nods proudly, showing me the beautiful image. "For you. It should liven up the room more, no?"

I accept his offering, admiring the bright colors. "It's a flower."

"Not just any flower, silly. It's your flower."

"Obviously." I scoff. "You drew it for me."

"No! It's much more than that!" He pouts. "It's your birth flower."

"Oh?" I look at it in awe. "Really?" He went this into detail for me? "It's really beautiful... are you sure that this is my flower?"

"Yeah! It's the tiger lily," he explains. "It's your flower. I think it suits you, beauty and all."

Blushing, I look away, biting my lip. "Thank you... Can you... can you tell me yours? I want to know so I can draw it for you."

Author's Note: This chapter won't make any sense until later. Feel free to ask questions.

What do you think of the chapter?

Make sure to take care and love yourself as best as you can.

With lots of love,

-BBM