A Glow Of Happiness

Chapter 16. William

Here's a new chapter! I hope you like it :)

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A knock on my door makes me get up from the couch. When I open the door Nick is standing there, looking at me with a blank face. He makes his way inside my apartment and sits on one of the chairs in the kitchen.

"I came to say I'm sorry for yesterday," he admits.

I look at him and a smile appears on my lips.

"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have yelled at you," I say truthfully.

He nods and we both stay in silence for a while.

"Have you started packing for tomorrow?"

"Yes, I'm pretty much done," I answer.

"I know tomorrow is not an easy day... Are you going to be fine?" he asks in concern.

I know what he's referring too and it makes my skin crawl. I take a deep breath before nodding slowly.

"I'll be fine," I shrug.

"Maybe the fact of being with all of us will take your mind off things," he says unsure.

"Maybe," I say even though I doubt it.

I can't stop thinking about tomorrow and the weekend that we had planned long ago. I will be spending a whole weekend with Isa, and I feel like shit about it. It has been really hard ignoring her for the past week and a half, there is no way I can ignore her for an entire weekend with her living under the same roof as me.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I ask Nick.

He nods and we make our way to the kitchen where I make us both coffee. We are still silent and I know Nick is trying to tell me something but is restraining himself. I don't push it, because it's probably something I don't want to answer anyway. Once the coffee is ready we go back and sit on my couch where we watch the television absentmindedly.

"Tree years tomorrow," I whisper.

Nick looks at me with pain in his eyes.

"I know..." he trails off.

"I thought it would get easier, but it doesn't," I sigh.

"I think it will take more time."

I nod, knowing really well it will never be easier for me.

"So, what's going on between Isa and you?" Nick asks changing the subject.

I sigh, I don't even know what's going on myself. I try to keep my distance, make sure not to get too close, but I always seem to go back to her.

"Nothing. We are only friends," I answer shortly.

He looks at me suspiciously. His eyes are studying me.

"Then why did you kiss her?"

I am taken aback by his question as my eyes widen. I press my lips together, trying not to get mad at the fact that Isa must have been the one to tell him. She can't even keep small things like that a secret, how could I trust her with anything else. I am right to keep her away, no matter how hard it is. People are not meant to stay, they are meant to leave you and destroy your trust. The only person I can count on is Nick, but that's because he's been here from the start. We were friends before I became this messed up person.

"Isa told you..." I breathe out.

"She did, she's having a hard time understanding you. She told me you've been cold as ice with her ever since that kiss," he explains.

"Well, the kiss was a mistake," I snap.

Nick sighs heavily and he shakes his head. When he looks back up at me he has a poker-face, but his eyes tell otherwise. He's pissed at me.

"You have got to stop lying to yourself!" he exclaims. "This girl makes you crazy, don't deny it. It shows in your eyes, even when your stupid brain tries to hold your walls up. Every single action you do when she's around shows just how badly you care for her."

"I don't!" I snap.

"She's not your mother," he finally snaps back.

I get up from the couch, before showing him the door with my finger. My jaw is tensed, and I know my eyes must be dark blue by now. I glare at my best friend, but he isn't even faintly fazed by my actions.

"She's not her," he says slowly.

"Well, who cares? If my own mother, the one who gave me life, the one who was supposed to love me unconditionally for the rest of her life could just walk away from me without an explanation or regrets than how could I trust anyone else not to do the same? That woman left my father and I alone like she never cared, she left and never tried to speak or see me ever again. She fucking abandoned me. If my own mother couldn't find it in her to love me, then how could anyone ever do? How could anyone ever love me?" I scream.

"Isa would never leave you like your mother did, I can talk to her..." he trails off.

"Don't you dare. You are the only one I trust, and you better not break that trust," I say through gritted teeth.

"Damn it! Here we are again! You accusing me of betraying you in the near future even though all I have ever done is prove myself to you countless times," he screams. "You need to let people in! You just keep on pushing people away, one after the other, and you blame them for leaving, but you never even give them a chance to stay! You need to get help, you need to go see someone who'll be able to help you deal with your issues and your father's death, or you'll never be happy. Trust me when I say, the way you look at that girl says it all. Maybe you haven't let yourself realizes it yet, but if you don't do something about it you'll lose her, and that's going to hurt," he says honestly.

"And what good did it ever do to me to trust someone?" I growl.

"You cannot put on other people the blame for what your mother did," he shrugs.

"It's not just her and you know it. Now please leave me alone, I'll see you tomorrow morning. I'll be at your place at 6 a.m. so we can be at the chalet around 9 a.m." I say emotionlessly.

"You know she'll be there, right," he says.

"Whatever."

He stares at me blankly before walking towards the door.

"How do you know?" I blurt out, "how do you know she's so damn special to me?" I ask.

He looks at me as if I am the most oblivious person on the entire planet Earth.

"Because you haven't run away yet... Because you're still here," he shrugs.

I look at him and give him a weak smile. He nods before leaving my apartment. I sit back on the chair, but the mixed emotions boiling inside me makes it hard to stay put. I get up and start pacing around my living room, trying to get a grip on myself. Why am I so fucked up? Why can't I just be normal? I know I have problems, but how can you get better when every time you try, something reminds you you were right to never trust anyone. A couple of years after my mother left us, left me, her own son, I had started getting better. I had even made a friend, other than Nick. Jackson, Nick, and I were always together, and I was starting to get better, a little bit, with letting people in. But 3 years ago my dad's car broke down on the side of the road, and I had a class until 9 p.m. My father called Jackson to come pick him up, but what my father didn't know is that Jackson had smoked and he wasn't in the best of his capabilities to drive. But that bastard went anyway, knowingly of the fact he was putting himself and my father in danger. And then it happened, he lost control of his car and they had an accident. My father died, but he lived. The person I trusted put my father in danger, and he killed him. He got arrested. But since then my walls came back up, higher than they had ever been before. Because if I wouldn't have made friends with him, if I wouldn't have trusted him, my father would have never asked him for help, and he'd still be alive.