Love of France (Friend Series #3)

Chapter 14

My sophomore year was active and busy so far. SC and being in a Dean's List made me become one. And I love it. I love the changes. I took these changes as a progress instead of regression.

"Love!" I yelped and quickly climbed down the stairs of the stage. My lips were so stretched because of my wide smile.

Sinalubong ako ng mahigpit na yakap ni France nang makalapit ako sa kanya.

"I love you." I whispered and hugged him tight.

"I love you." he whispered back and my heart just died.

I will never get used to this. I closed my eyes as I buried my face over his chest and just like mine, his heart was beating so fast. I know he was just proud of me. Nothing more, nothing less.

I know how fuck up this is. Itong relasyon namin na walang kasiguraduhan kung ano ba talaga. Itong relasyon namin na walang kahit na anong kondisyon.

It is risky I know and for sure it will all come back to me later.

France held my hand tight and we both went out to the auditorium. I know he could feel my shaky and sweaty hand. I was trying to get my hand from him because I wasn't that confident to hold his hand.

I might turn him off.

But wait, am I turning him on? Mukhang hindi naman, Lavienna. Ang tagal mo nang nilalandi, 'di ka pa rin mabigyan ng label.

It was almost the end of the day. Ang kalangitan ay unti-unti nang napapalitan ng madilim na kulay. Ang mga ilaw mula sa lamp post ay unti-unti nang lumiliwanag, gano'n din ang mga gusali sa paligid.

Hawak-hawak ko ang unang sertipiko maliban sa mga diploma ko. I was overwhelmed by my academic award that I couldn't keep it in the envelope. It was just more than a paper for me.

Matagal ko nang tinanggap na hindi na 'ko makakakuha pa nito lalo pa't sa kolehiyo pero posible rin pala. Ibig sabihin ay posible rin ang makapunta ako ng France at maging modelo?

That was my absolute yet hidden dream. No one knows about that except myself.

When I was a kid, I was adamant about my dream, that I was born to be in France and model. I was meant to wear luxurious clothes and accessories to model it. That was my dream then.

Pero habang lumalaki ako ay mas sinasampal sa'kin ng mundo kung gaano kalayo ng pangarap ko sa akin. Parang nasa ibang planeta ang pangarap ko and I don't have any means to use to go to another planet because I was born poor.

So it has driven me to be ambitious. I couldn't get it in reality so I wound up imagining. I would always imagine that I am a supermodel in France. I would always be daydreaming of it.

But I am Lavienna Guillen. Ang babaeng walang kakuntentuhan. Kaya nga maging kay France ay hindi rin ako makuntento sa kaya niyang ibigay.

I was watching him, arrange the beige blanket. We will picnic in the Central to celebrate our successes for this day. He, of course, had the highest award in his batch, as always. Maliban sa academic award ay marami rin siyang natanggap na award mula sa pagsali sa iba't ibang extra-curricular activities.

Parang ipinanganak ang isang 'to para humakot ng awards.

And here I was, so proud of him.

"What?" tanong niya nang mapansin na kanina pa ako nakatingin sa kanya na mag-isang nag-aayos ng mga gamit namin at hindi ako tumutulong.

Umupo siya sa nakalatag na tela sa ilalim ng puno ng acacia. Hindi ko na hinintay pa na anyayahan niya akong tabihan siya. I kneeled down and scooted closer to him.

He arched his brows when I spread his thighs so I could have a space between his legs. I just giggled when he offered his hand to help me achieve my desired position.

I sighed in contentment when I rested my back on him. I put his arm around my shoulder and there, I intertwined our fingers together.

He is letting me do this. Hold his hand and kiss him. He is just letting me but I am not sure if he's really fine with it or he's just patiently letting me because we became closer as the time passes by, not that close though because we're still not together.

"Third Year na 'ko next sem." I said and smirked.

"At graduating ka na Pres." I looked at him. He was also looking at me so I immediately caught his stares on me.

"Ano na ang plano mo pagkatapos?" I curiously asked and looked ahead.

There were only few stars, the moon wasn't that bright. The cold breeze of the wind sent me shivers so every time it blew, I would tighten his embrace on me.

"I will review and take NMAT."

I raised my brows and nodded my head as if I digest it already. Noong una ay hindi pa din matanggap ng utak ko ang sinabi niya. Pero nang ma realize ko ang ibig niyang sabihin ay mabilis akong umalis sa pagkakasandal sa kanya at iniharap ang katawan sa kanya habang nakaluhod sa harapan niya.

His lips rose when he saw my reaction.

"You will?!" gulantang kong tanong.

He arched his brow. "Bakit? Ayaw mo?"

Mabilis akong umiling.

"Hindi. Nagulat lang." sabi ko at yumuko habang iniisip ang NMAT.

National Medical Admission Test. Hindi ba't para sa mga magdodoktor 'yon?

Ang alam ko lang ay mahirap 'yon at matagal na pag-aaral. Parang abogasya rin.

"Ang sipag mo namang mag-aral." sabi ko at umiling lang siya. He reached my hand and pulled me back to him.

"It's my deep passion and interest for medicine that keeps me going, Love."

"So you'll become what? A doctor?" tanong ko at tumingala upang matingnan siya. And I always caught him, looking at me.

"Mas hindi na tayo bagay niyan." sabi ko at mas lalong hinawakan ang kamay niya na parang mawawala siya sa'kin.

"Bakit?"

"Ang taas kaya ng tingin ko sa mga doktor. You're always in white while I'm always in black. Ganoon tayo kalayo."

"But you can be a doctor as well." he simply said like we're just going to eat street food.

Tinampal ko ang forearm niya at tiningnan siya ng masama.

"Mahal kita pero hindi na kita kayang sundan sa med school. SC nga, nahirapan akong makapasok. Mas lalo pa sa med school." sabi ko na ikinatawa niya.

Hirap na hirap na nga akong tapusin itong four-year course ko. Tapos mag-aaral pa 'ko? No thanks.

We became silent for a minute before he speaks,

"I'm going to spend my entire twenties and early thirties studying."

That long?

Malalim akong nag-isip. I'm twenty now and he's twenty three, that means he'll spend a decade or more studying?!

Grabe. Iniisip ko pa lang, ako na ang napapagod para sa kanya.

"What's with the deep sigh?" he asked when he noticed my heaving.

"Matagal-tagal pa pala ang hihintayin ko bago kita mapapakasalan." I joked and he just crunched his nose.

"You are not obliged to wait for me, Love. Puwede kang magpakasal kung kahit kailan mo gusto." he said and played my wavy hair with his fingers. He began to straighten it between his fingers or sometimes, he would place it under his nose and smell it. Mabuti na lang at amoy vanilla ang buhok ko. Kaya siguro palagi niyang inaamoy.

Ngumisi ako nang makitang nasa gitna ng ilong at labi niya ang ilang hibla ng buhok ko at inaamoy. He stopped smelling it when our eyes locked.

"Hindi naman ako nagmamadali. I'll wait for you-"

"You're just telling me that now because you're in love with me. Matagal ang isang dekada at marami ang puwedeng mangyari kasama na roon ang makahanap ka ng ibang mamahalin."

"You're underestimating my love for you France." I shook my head in dismay.

"Maybe I am," he swallowed hard.

"But I'm just considering the possibilities that you will have fallen out of love or find another man. I cannot guarantee you that I will give you my time because I already told you before, getting into a relationship is not my priority."

"Kaya ba..." I trailed off and looked away. "Kaya ba hindi mo 'ko maligawan?"

"That," he paused.

"And once we're together, I know we'll just break up because of my shortcomings."

He was so sure when he said that as if he spent his time to study its pros and cons of being in a relationship with me.

"I love you but I just love my dream more than anything Love."

"Can't you love and keep both?" I helplessly asked and looked at our clasped hands.

"Maybe I can but eventually, I know I have to sacrifice. At ayokong umabot pa sa gano'n. I don't want to choose between my love and dream."

"Mahirap ang buhay Love. Hindi ako pinanganak na mayaman katulad ng mga kaibigan ko. Wala akong mga magulang na susuporta sa pag-aaral ko. I don't want to cast my dream just because of love. I don't want to ruin my future just because I love."

"Kaya sana ikaw rin. Let's do both. Let's prioritize our dream first before anything else." he again reminded me.

"It will always be your dream over love huh." I croaked.

Bakit, bakit habang sinasabi niya sa'kin ang lahat ng mga 'to ay mas lalo ko lang siyang minamahal? Mas lalo ko lang siyang tinitingala?

Nasasaktan ako sa mga sinasabi niya dahil malinaw na malinaw niyang ipinapaliwanag sa'kin na kahit ano'ng mangyari ay pangarap pa rin. Pangarap pa rin ang pipiliin niya higit sa lahat.

He cupped my chin and made me face him.

"Alam kong nasasaktan at nahihirapan ka kaya naiintindihan ko kung ayaw mo na nang ganitong set up."

"Pasensya na kung pinapaasa kita kaya maiintindihan ko rin kung ayaw mo na ring makipagkaibigan sa akin."

I rolled my eyes and harshly wiped my tears.

"Ano 'kala mo sa'kin? Weak?" I asked and he just shook his head.

"No but you deserve someone-"

"I only deserve one man and that is you France. Kaya kahit gaano pa katagal 'yan, hihintayin kita." I said and kissed him.

Ang gabing 'yon ang huli naming pag-uusap tungkol sa amin. I noticed that we're both avoiding it.

That night was still fresh for me. Ang pinag-usapan namin ay nasa isip ko pa rin, naglalaro at 'tila walang balak tumabi lalo pa't araw-araw ko rin siyang nakikita at nakakausap.

Everyone thinks that we are an item, that we are together. Well, I couldn't blame them because France and I are both sweet. Maging ang mga magulang ay ganoon din ang iniisip.

Ako naman, itong si tanga ay siyang-siya na ganoon ang iniisip sa amin ng mga tao. Sige lang at mangarap at umasa ka pa, Lav. Ikaw rin ang gumagawa ng ikakasakit mo.

"Lav, nandito na ang boyfriend mo!" si Nanay na nasa bakuran namin at paalis na para pumasok sa trabaho.

Tumakbo ako sa bintana ng silid ko at nakita ko nga ang boyfriend ko sa tarangkahan ng bahay.

Boyfriend.

I smiled while watching him. He's wearing a faded jeans and dark green tee. He helped my mother carried her things to the tricycle. 'Tsaka lang siya lumingon sa'kin nang makaalis si Nanay.

He was holding the strap of his backpack while looking at me. Kung ganito ba naman ang bubungad sa akin araw-araw...

"Maliligo pa 'ko." I said and showed him the white towel on my shoulder.

Kumunot ang noo niya at tiningnan ang relos na suot. I noticed how he heaved a sigh and scratched his head when he saw the time. He hated how I prepare for work slowly and wound up being late. Pati siya na maaga ay nadadamay dahil sinusundo pa niya 'ko.

Mabilis akong naligo at nagbihis. Kagaya niya ay nagsuot din lang ako ng faded jeans at green tee. Just to pair him.

Kaagad na umangat ang kilay niya nang mapansin ang suot ko. Ngumisi lang ako at isinuot na ang itim na cross body bag at inaya na siya sa sakayan ng jeep.

I chose to spend my vacation working like what France usually does. France was such a good influencer kaya napunta rin ako sa pagpapart time kagaya niya.

I worked as a saleslady in this high-end boutique. France helped me getting in dahil last vacation ay rito rin siya siya nagtrabaho bilang salesman.

When I'm at work, I felt like I'm not working at all. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba gusto ko ang ginagawa o dahil kasama ko ang taong gusto ko.

Sa locker room na ako nagpalit ng damit. I skillfully wore my uniform. It was just a white long sleeve button down shirt and black pencil skirt. Siguro ay isa rin 'to sa mga dahilan kung bakit ginaganahan akong magtrabaho. Maganda ang uniform at bagay sa'kin. I smirked, satisfied with my look as I stared at my reflection in the full-length mirror.

I am confident wearing clothes that hugs my body. It perfectly showcases my bosoms, buttocks and long legs. Nakatulong iyong pagwoworkout ko sa bahay tuwing madaling araw para gumanda ang katawan.

It was all worth it.

Nang matapos magbihis ay lumabas na 'ko sa locker room at dumiretso na sa boutique kung saan ako nagtatrabaho. I was good at assisting customers and suggesting wardrobes that suits and correlates to their tastes.

Minsan ay hindi ko nga lang mapigilang ihalo ang personal kong gusto at hilig sa mga damit kapag humihingi sila ng recommendation sa'kin. But it turned out well naman, they like my personal preference.

I was busy arranging clothes when I saw Tory Malavega, a Filipina model entering our boutique! Naihulog ko ang mga hanger ng mga damit na hawak-hawak nang makita siya ng personal sa unang pagkakataon! Pinagkakaguluhan siya sa labas kaya ang security ng mall ay iginaya siya papasok dito sa loob ng eksklusibong boutique upang mapigilan ang namumuong daluhong.

My heart was throbbing so fast and hard. My emotions were skyrocketing by just watching her, walked in a very fine manner. She was really born to be a model. She nailed every walk she did in fashion shows.

I couldn't take it anymore. 'Yong puso ko parang sasabog na. Isa siya mga pinay na modelong hinahangaan ko.

Kung hindi lang ako marahang niyugyog ni France ay hindi ko pa maiaalis ang tingin kay Tory na ngayon ay iginagaya na ng aming superior sa VIP Room ng boutique.

"You seem awestruck. Was it your first time meeting an actress?"

Hindi ko pa nasagot agad si France. 'Tsaka ko lang naialis ang mga mata at atensyon kay Tory nang makapasok siya sa VIP at sumara na ang pinto.

I narrowed my eyes.

"She's not an actress, model siya." I snickered.

"I met her once and had the chance to be with her in a dinner." sabi niya habang ibinabalik sa tamang ayos iyong mga damit na naihulog ko.

"Talaga?" my eyes were filled with anticipation. Kung ako siya ay baka hindi na 'ko makakagalaw pa kung malaman kong magkakasama kami sa isang mesa ni Tory.

"Kailan? 'Tsaka pa'no?" sunod-sunod kong tanong habang ang mga mata ay nakatuon lamang sa kanya, hinihintay ang mga isasagot niya.

He looked at me and speaks,

"When Kelly and I were still together."

With that, my smile automatically faded.

Oo nga pala't nakalimutan ko. Kelly was his ex, his only ex... and she's Tory's sister. I wonder if Kelly has something to do why he couldn't enter in a relationship again. Hindi pa rin kaya siya nakakamove on sa ex niya? O baka hindi lang talaga niya ako gusto kaya ayaw niya akong ligawan?

Those were just some of my questions I would want to ask France but I was scared to bring those up. Natatakot ako na baka iyon pa ang maging dahilan na mawala ang kung ano mang mayroon kami ngayon. Kahit na gustong-gusto ko siyang maging akin ay ayaw ko pa rin isugal ang mayroon kami ngayon dahil lang sa hindi na naman ako naging kuntento.

"Ang suwerte naman ni Kelly. Only ex." I said and sighed. I was trying to sound playful but behind my playfulness lies my honesty in every word I utter.

"Why? You want to be my ex as well?"

"Ex?" I exaggeratedly scoffed. "'Di mo nga ako ginagawang girlfriend, ex pa kaya?"

"That's why I don't want to make you my girlfriend cuz I don't want you to be my ex."

"Bakit ex kung puwede namang maging asawa? Ang nega mo."

I shook my head and tried harder to busy myself arranging clothes.

"Bakit dadaan pa sa girlfriend kung puwede namang diretso kitang maging asawa 'di ba?"

I narrowed my eyes and glanced at him. There was a genuine smile crept on his lips.

"Pa fall pa." I hissed and he just shook his head.

"Do you want to get a picture with her?" bigla niyang tanong.

"Gusto." I pursed my lips and looked at the close door of the VIP.

Kaya nga siya tumatago dahil ayaw niyang pagkaguluhan tapos heto naman ako at sasamantalahin na rito ako nagtatrabaho para makapagpapicture sa kanya.

Nah. Ayaw kong maging pangit ang first impression niya sa'kin. Ayaw kong mapabilang sa mga taong nagiging sanhi ng iritasyon niya.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na namalagi sa loob ng VIP Room si Tory Malavega. Lumabas lang siya noong wala na ang mga tagahanga niya sa labas ng boutique.

I was scanning her whole body while she was talking to our manager. But my examination on her body was interrupted when France neared her.

I saw how her eyes widen upon seeing him. I could see how her eyes become interested and fascinated when France was talking to her. Ibang-iba habang kinakausap niya kanina ang manager.

Nagulat ako nang ibaling sa'kin ni France ang tingin kaya napaayos na rin ako ng tayo nang tumingin sa aking gawi si Tory Malavega.

My heart was beating so fast when they started to walk towards me.