Love of France (Friend Series #3)

Chapter 11

"Oh sa'n ka na naman pupunta?" pigil sa akin ni Kyzer nang mapansin na nagmamadali ako.

Kalalabas lang ng Propesor sa huling klase namin para sa araw na ito ay nagmamadali na akong ayusin ang mga gamit para lumabas na rin at dumiretso sa eatery.

"Sa eatery." mabilis kong sagot at isinabit ang shoulder bag sa kanang balikat at sinikop ang mga libro.

"Tambay muna tayo rito sa room." Dan neared me.

Tiningnan ko ang mga kaibigan. Halos lahat sila ay nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin. Alam kong may nais silang iparating sa uri ng tingin na ipinupukol nila sa akin pero hindi ko makuha kung ano iyon.

I looked at Kyze and Pau. The two were glaring at me while pointing Miko using their pouted lips. My eyes darted to Miko. He was busy fiddling with his phone.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Anong mayroon kay Miko?

"Ang ganda naman ng kalendaryo." si Kar kaya tumingin ako sa kanya. Nakatingin siya sa plain na kalendaryo na nakasabit sa wall ng classroom.

Kaya napunta ang tingin ko sa kalendaryo. Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko.

Anong mayroon sa kalendaryo?

"Oo nga haha. Ano na ngang araw ngayon?" si Bob na halatang naiinis na sa'kin dahil hindi ko pa rin makuha ang gusto nilang iparating.

Tumingin akong muli sa kalendaryo at hinanap kung anong araw ngayon. Matagal akong nakipagtitigan sa kalendaryo, sa numero ng araw ngayon.

I closed my eyes and muttered curses inside my head when I remembered what was with today.

Birthday ni Miko! Tiningnan ko ang mga kaibigan na ngayon ay dismayado sa akin.

"Tss."

Isa-isa silang nagsilabasan hanggang sa kami na lang ang natira ni Miko. Kinakabahan akong lumapit sa kanya. Nakaupo lang siya at kanina pa nagpapanggap na abala sa cellphone niya pero kanina ko pa napansin na nakapatay iyon.

Inilagay ko sa kanang balikat niya ang kamay ko at marahang iyinugyog ang balikat ng kaibigan.

"Happy birthday Miks." I said and sat on the armrest of the armchair beside his.

"Sorry, nakalimutan ko." I sighed.

I hated myself that I forgot his birthday when all he did is to lead a surprise party for me when it's my birthday.

"Okay lang." he said and turned to me. He gave me a reassuring smile that it was really fine but I know better.

"Okay lang na hindi okay." sabi ko at inakbayan ang matalik na kaibigan. Napansin ko ang suot niyang earring kaya iyon ang pinaglaruan ko upang abalain ang sarili.

I inserted my pinky finger in his earring and started to move it using my finger in it. I always do this whenever I saw him wearing one and he gets used to it.

"Dahil birthday mo, hindi ko iko confiscate itong earring mo." I said and he just chuckled.

Naalis ang pagkaakbay ko sa kanya nang tumayo siya. He held on the strap of his backpack and turned to me.

I swallowed hard because of his intense stares at me.

I know. I could feel it.

Something between us was off.

Shit. Bakit ko ba kasi nakalimutan? Kanina pa kami nagsasama at kung hindi lang ako pinigilan ng mga kaibigan kanina ay hindi ko man lang maaalala at mababati si Miko.

"Sino ang boyfriend mo ngayon?" tanong niya.

My brows furrowed. Nagulat ako sa naging tanong niya. Hindi ko iyon inaasahan.

It was the first time he asked me that. He doesn't really engage himself in my relationships with boys before. Iyon ay dahil mukhang wala naman siyang pakealam. O paraan na rin niya nang pagbibigay respeto sa pribado kong buhay.

Just because we're friends doesn't mean we must know everything about each other. We both know that and that's what I love about him. Kaya ang magtanong siya sa'kin ngayon kung sino ang boyfriend ko ay nakakapanibago.

"Wala akong boyfriend ngayon Miks." sabi ko.

He narrowed his eyes and I let out a short laugh.

"Bakit? 'Di ka naniniwala?" I asked.

Hindi siya sumagot at pinakatinitigan lamang ako, tinatantiya kung nagsasabi ba ako ng totoo o hindi. Bumuntong-hininga ako at hinawakan na lang ang braso niya.

"Saan mo gusto pumunta? Anong gusto mong gawin?" tanong ko at nilingon siya.

I even had to snap my fingers because he was spacing out.

"Sa eatery niyo. Tambay tayo roon."

I automatically halted when he said our eatery and just realized that France must be waiting for me there. Nakalimutan ko!

"Bakit?" si Miko nang mapansin ang pagkatigil ko.

Tiningnan ko siya at ngumiti ng pilit sa kaibigan.

Teka nga muna, bakit ba ako kinakabahan?

Siguro ay dahil sa mga kaibigan ko ay walang may nakakaalam tungkol sa pagiging malapit ko kay France. Kaya siguro ganito na lang ang tahip ng dibdib ko. Siguro ay gano'n nga.

Nakarating kami sa eatery at hindi ko alam kung bakit nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang hindi ko siya nakita sa puwesto namin.

"You seem relieved." Miko noticed when I exhaled deeply. He narrowed his eyes and chuckled when he saw my flushed face.

"May tinatago ka talaga sa'min." he looked at me meaningfully.

Tiningnan ko ang matalik na kaibigan. Hinuhuli talaga ako ng isang 'to.

Alright I gave up. Wala talaga akong maitatago sa isang 'to.

"Alright, I'll tell you something but you won't tell this to others." I conditioned and he nodded his head like an obedient puppy.

"Napakatsismoso mo talaga." I snickered and he smirked.

"Sa'yo lang." sabi niya at kinindatan ako.

I rolled my eyes. He just laughed and encouraged me to spill the beans. Umupo kami sa isang bakanteng mesa 'tsaka ako nagsimulang magkuwento.

"You know France Cortes? I remember you tagged him in a picture. You were together." sabi ko nang maalala ko iyon.

"Si Kuya France?"

"Kuya." I mimicked. I used to call him Kuya every now and then. Pang-aasar ko lang pero sa amin ay ako lang yata ang naapektuhan kapag tinatawag ko siyang Kuya. It really didn't affect him.

Ang taong bato na 'yon talaga.

"Magkaibigan sila ng kapatid ko." sabi niya. I nodded my head as if I unlocked another level in a game. That explains why. Ibig sabihin ay magkakilala talaga sila.

"Bakit, kayo ba?" he asked that caught me.

I sat properly and clasped my hands together over the table.

"Pa'no mo nasabi?"

"Anong pa'no ko nasabi?"

"Do you think there's a possibility that we'll be together in the future?"

"So hindi pa kayo?" he arched his brow. His hands were also clasped together and we're both leaning over the table like we're talking secrets.

"Hindi pa?" masaya kong tanong. Ang sarap naman pakinggan na may posibilidad ngang maging kami.

Miko was so sure that there's a chance for us to be together. Ang sarap naman sa pakiramdam.

"Sigurado ka ba riyan Miks?" tanong kong muli.

"There's no man a Lav Guillen could not get."

I stared at my friend for a long while. We both narrowed our eyes, crunched our nose and with that, we laughed simultaneously. I even slammed the table because of what he said.

"Hoy ikaw!" I pointed him with a wide smile on my lips. "Ang galing mong bumanat. Bakit hindi mo 'yan gamitin sa mga crush mo ha?!" singhal ko sa kaibigan.

Parang tanga lang e. Sayang ang pagkaguwapong lalaki, hindi naman ginagamit.

Simula nang maging magkaibigan kami, hindi ko man lang siya nakitang may pinormahan o niligawan man lang.

Sayang at ang bait pa naman ng isang 'to. Ang tanga naman ng babaeng gusto niya kung babalewalain lang siya.

He shook his head as he watched me laugh because of him.

"Gusto ko siya pero hindi niya 'ko gusto." malungkot kong sabi.

Nakatingin lang sa'kin si Miko habang sinasabi ko 'yon. Ngumiti ako sa kanya pero siya ay nanatili lang seryoso. Unang beses kong mag open sa isang kaibigan tungkol sa ganitong paksa kaya medyo awkward pa 'ko. At sa lalaking kaibigan pa.

"But I can work with that. Like what you said, there's no man a Lav Guillen could not get." mayabang kong sabi.

He looked away and bit his lower lip. He nodded his head and drummed his fingers over the table before he returned his stares on me.

"You really like him." he stated. It was not a question, it was a statement.

I looked down and played my fingers. I wanted to correct him but I restrained myself to.

"I saw you kissed him yesterday." he added that made me dizzy.

"Nakita mo?!"

"Uh-huh. Ano'ng tingin mo sa central park, covered room?" tanong niya at mabilis akong kinutusan.

I puckered my lips. Hindi ko iyon naisip.

"You're both officers and you're kissing in public with your uniforms on."

"Bakit? Isusumbong mo kami sa Mama mo?" I teased and he only snickered. I know he hates how people associate him to his mother being the UP of St. Joseph.

"Now what? You're kissing but you're not in a relationship? What are you then? Flings? Hookups? Friends with benefits?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong.

"I kissed him, he didn't." I corrected and he scoffed.

Noong una akala ko makukuntento na 'ko sa kung ano'ng kaya niyang ibigay pero habang tumatagal ay mas gusto ko nang higit pa sa kung ano'ng kaya niyang ibigay sa'kin.

"So I made this setup with him."

"And Kuya France agreed?" he asked in disbelief.

"I was planning to make a casual relationship with him without label, commitments and all." I shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

"Kuya France is nice but if he agrees with your plan, he's a total asshole." seriously he said.

"Well he's nice Miko." I sighed.

"Cuz he never agreed with my plan."

Naalala ko ang nangyari kahapon sa amin. Kung paano niya ako pinagalitan pagkatapos kong sabihin 'yon. Ganoon na ba niya ako ka 'di gusto?

He really thinks that I wasn't serious with my words. Hayyy France, kung alam mo lang.

Pagkatapos ng pag-uusap naming iyon ni Miko, okupado na naman ang isip ko tungkol sa mga sinabi ni France sa akin kahapon.

"Huwag ka ngang ganyan." sabi niya at tumayo na. Kinabahan ako nang makitang nagliligpit na siya ng mga gamit niya.

"Teka, galit ka ba?" natatawa kong tanong. Kung galit siya dahil hinalikan ko siya, ang pathetic naman yata no'n.

Pero ang malawak kong ngiti ay unti-unting nawala nang hindi man lang niya ako tinapunan ng tingin. Galit at marahas ang bawat galaw niya kaya mas lalong dumoble ang kaba ko.

Galit nga siya. Teka, hindi ko naman inaasahan na magiging ganito ang reaksyon niya.

Bakit parang ang OA naman?

"France-" I tried to hold his forearm but he held my wrist instead.

"Galit ka ba kasi hinalikan kita?" I bit my lower lip. His stares were so intense and ferocious. It burns me every time I tried to meet his stares.

"Sorry." I apologized. I didn't know that he values kisses a lot for him to be furious like this.

"Tss. I am not just mad because you kissed me. I am mad because you crossed the line when you kissed me." sabi niya at huminga ng malalim.

"Friends don't kiss. Stop fooling around." he brusquely replied.

I bit my lower lip hard. I was starting to regret why I did and said that.

"Tell me, are you really like this to every man?"

"Kung hindi ka nila gusto ay ipagpipilitan mo ang sarili mo?"

"And you'll take whatever they can give kahit hindi mo deserve?"

"Okay lang sa'yo 'yon?"

Hindi. Sa kanya lang naman ako ganito.

I looked down and a tear fell from my eyes.  He could be so damn straightforward when he wanted to be.

"It's like you're asking me to backstab my best friend." sabi ni France at lumuhod sa harapan ko.

He cupped my chin and lifted my head in order to face him. But I quickly removed his hand from my chin. I couldn't afford to look at him. I was too embarrassed.

"Umalis ka na." I said in a dismissing tone.

He sighed and nodded. Akala ko ay aalis na siya pero ang mga sumunod niyang sinabi ay kinagulat ko.

"Do you really want that?"

I wiped my tears and looked at him. I could see that he was not even convinced with his own words. He was conflicted and torn.

"A-are you considering it?" I was hopeful and he noticed it. He looked away and mumbled something.

"Do you really like me, Love?" tanong niya na ikinagulat ko.

Nang makabawi ay mabilis akong tumango.

"Yes, I like you so much."

He looked at me in awe. It was like he never knew about it when all I did is to tease him every day about my feelings for him.

He pouted and looked down. He started playing the stones on the ground. His forearm was rested on his knee while his other knee was kneeling on the ground. He was so damn cute.

"Baka bukas ay iba na naman ang gusto mo." he said and leered at me.

"E 'di mabuti. Para hindi na 'ko umasa sa'yo."

"See? You're playing with me. Lalakero." tumayo siya at inalis ang dumi sa mga kamay.

I puckered my lips. Leche na lalaking 'to.

"Wala namang kaso sa'yo 'yon dahil hindi mo naman ako gusto." I pouted.

"Pero ang sabi mo ay gusto mo ako." mahina niyang sabi.

Tumawa ako dahil ang cute ng boses niya. Buwiset.

I crossed my arms and legs. "So, ano naman ngayon? Hindi mo naman ako gusto 'di ba?"

"But you want to have a relationship with me."

"Hindi ka naman pumapayag 'di ba? 'Di ba?"

"I don't but you want it."

"Bakit? Kung gusto ko ba ay may mababago ba? Ha? Ha?"

"But you really want it? Do you?" he asked again.

I rolled my eyes. Paulit-ulit kami rito.

Madilim na ang paligid. Ang mga string lights na nakasabit sa mga puno ng central ang tanging ilaw na nagpapaliwanag sa paligid. Mayroon ring lamp post sa likuran ng bench na inuupuan namin kaya kahit madilim na ay kitang-kita pa rin namin ang isa't isa.

"Dahil kung gusto mo ay gugustuhin ko rin." mahina niyang sabi na ikinagitla ko.

Ano? Pumapayag na siya?

"Okay lang sa'yo?" mangha kong tanong.

"No." mabilis niyang sagot na ikinasimangot ko.

"But you want it, right?" he asked again for the nth time. I wanted to roll my eyes but I impatiently nodded my head.

"Then let's do it the right way." he sighed.

My eyes widen, I fidgeted a bit before I rested my hands on the bench for support.

"So tayo na?" I grinned.

Sumimangot siya sa sinabi ko.

"No, we are still friends." he cleared. Ngayon ay ako na naman ang sumimangot.

He brushed his hair and licked his thin lips.

"Let's get to know each other-"

Tumawa ako sa sinabi niya at umiling-iling.

"Halos isang taon na tayong magkaibigan France. Nalagpasan na natin 'yon." I sarcastically said.

"Kinilala kita bilang kaibigan noon kaya sa tingin ko ay magkaiba 'yon sa gagawin kong pagkilala sa'yo ngayon. I want to get to know you deeper now considering that you will be my girlfriend."

"Aray." I held my chest. Goddamit! Nalaglag yata ang puso ko.

"Bakit?" inosente niyang tanong nang mapansin ang paghawak ko sa dibdib.

"'Yong puso ko, nalaglag." I joked.

He leered at me. "Hindi ko alam kung seryoso ka-"

"Nakakainis ka naman. Gusto nga kita." naiinis ko nang sabi dahil ayaw niya talagang maniwala sa'kin. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa bench at tinitigan siya.

"Mahal na nga yata kita e." I said without ado.

He pursed his lips and looked away.

"You're really playing with me." he whispered.

"Hindi ah." lumapit ako sa kanya at kinuha ang kamay niya. I felt him trembled when I placed his warm palm over my chest.

"What are you doing?" his eyes were so wide. He also tried to remove his hand from my chest. But I held it tight.

"If you don't believe my words, listen to my heart then." sabi ko at pinakatinitigan siya.

We both swallowed hard as we looked at each other exchanging the same ferocity of stares. We both could feel the strong and rapid throbbing of my heart. And we both know that he was the sole reason of my quick heartbeat.

"Cuz my heart won't lie." I whispered.

Heart is one of the things we couldn't take control of. We couldn't order our hearts to throb rapidly or slowly. We couldn't just tell them to stop from beating so as to beat once it stops from beating.

I shouted and stomped my feet on the ground when I remembered that night again. Naghuhugas ako ng pinggan dito sa bahay nang maalala ko na naman 'yon.

Ang buwiset na lalaking 'yon. Wala nang ibang ginawa kung hindi bigyan ako ng kakatwang pakiramdam.

He wanted to take it slowly kaya sasabayan ko siya sa pace na gusto niya.

Sa sobrang ganda ng mood ko ay buong weekend akong naglinis ng bahay. Pati cobwebs sa bubong ng bahay ay inakyat ko, mawalisan lang, 'yong ilalim ng ref nalinisan ko, 'yong kaldero namin napakintab ko hanggang puwet. Kung ganito rin lang naman ang epekto niya sa'kin, aba'y botong-boto si Nanay sa kanya kapag nagkataon.

I was humming while watering my mother's plants in our backyard until I heard ruckus inside our house. Alas sinco na ng hapon at katatapos ko lang walisan ang buong bakuran kaya nagdidilig na lang ako ng halaman ngayon bago ako maghahanda ng hapunan namin nang marinig ko ang sunod-sunod na kalampag sa loob ng bahay.

Mabilis akong tumakbo papasok at nakita ang mga magulang ko, nag-aaway.

"Arman naman. Wala na nga tayong pera, itatalo mo pa sa pusta."

"Hindi ko itatalo Joy-"

"Ganyan din ang sinabi mo sa'kin noong nakaraan. Ngayon ano? Wala. Parang nilipad lang ng hangin ang limang libo. Ang tumal na nga ng benta sa karinderya, ganyan ka pa."

Then they started fighting over money again.

Lumabas na lang ako ng bahay at piniling umalis na lang sa bahay. Tumingin ako sa unti-unti nang dumidilim na kalangitan at ngumiti nang mapakla.

Sa mga anak na pinanganak na mahirap, ito ang mga panahon na gugustuhin mong bumilis ang takbo ng buhay at huminto kung saan puwede ka nang makatulong sa mga magulang.

Ang sabi ay huwag magmadali at hayaan ang panahon na humulma sa'yo.

Grow slowly.

Do not rush things.

Take it slow.

Enjoy and value the now cuz we always never see the real worth of our present until it becomes our past.

Pero hindi eh. Hindi ko na 'yon naiisip pa kung puro kahirapan din lang ang nangyayari sa kasalukuyan ko. Gustong-gusto ko nang tumalon sa kinabukasan at maging nakaraan na ang kasalukuyan para wala nang hirap at sakripisyo.

Gusto ko na lang dayain ang buhay. Ang hirap-hirap makita na nahihirapan sila Nanay at Tatay dahil sa'kin. Gustong-gusto ko nang makapagtapos para ako naman. Ako naman ang maghirap para sa kanila.

Kumatok ako ng tatlong beses at bumukas ang pulang gate. Ang busangot na mukha ni Alric ang nakita ko.

Nang makita ang mukha ko ay tumango-tango ito at nakuha ang gusto kong mangyari.

"Ano? Tagay?" he asked and I nodded my head.