i would be lying if i said that i haven't felt like throwing up all day. i just can't believe my friends convinced me to actually do it. i mean, i never thought i would actually do anything like this. tucker actually helped me a lot too, he's talked to me every day for about 20 minutes just telling me to go for it and, he's actually starting to me a really good friend to me. which is weird. torey too. i guess not all immortals are bad, huh.
i had been practicing the song pretty much any chance i get and to be honest, i think i sound pretty good. but, that still doesn't stop my nerves. i was so nervous to make a good impression that i even wore a dress today! not a fancy one but, better than my leather jacket.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
i was pacing around the back of the school, where some of the kids eat outside for lunch. i was just humming to my self, trying to remember the lyrics that are now permanently engraved into my head but, for some reason i can't get rid of this image that i have where my mind goes blank and i forget every word. at this point, i probably look like a crazy person but, i don't really care.
"hey, are you good to have some company now?" hudson said, coming out of cafeteria doors.
"yeah, probably. just ignore my stress pacing and random humming. I'm still freaking out a little bit." i said as hudson laughs at me and sits down on the outside table next to me.
"so, you're still nervous?" he asked, smirking because he already knew the answer.
"just a little." i said with a slight smile as i sat next to him, playing with my fishnet tighs.
"listen dill, you're going to absolutely kill it. i'm excited that they're doing an open audition so that we can watch, i wouldn't want to miss this ever." he said as he took my hand and looked into my eyes.
this sudden affection from hudson surprised me. not that this is the most intimate thing we have ever done but, ever since he and rachel started talking more and more, he definitely dialed back everything that was going on between us which, honestly hurt me more than i thought. it wasn't the fact that he was somewhat with rachel now because, honestly he looks super happy when he's with her. it's the fact that when a girl turns his head, he just completely dropped me without warning. i feel like we barley talk anymore, let alone have sleepovers and do what we usually would do. it just made me feel like he was using me to fill his void when he was lonely and, even though deep down i know that he would never do that to me, i can't help to feel that way. so now, it just feels kind of... strange between us i guess.
"thanks hudson but, that doesn't quite make me feel better. just knowing that people will be just sitting there, hearing me audition is quite overwhelming. especially for when i have to run lines, i've never really acted and trying out for the lead in our school's musical?? i'm really starting to rethink this." i said as my mind started spiraling again so, i started to stand up and pace back and fourth again.
