Beyond The Sea Blue Light

You Better Get It Out While You Still Can

I don't remember much, just flashes of memories, one after another, shooting through my mind. I went too far with my powers this time, I know that. The backlash is strong, ripping through me. I struggle against the memories, but I can't fight against the torrents that sweep through me, leaving me ragged and torn after each one.

My father looming over me, his fist raised as I shrink back, terrified. The guards coming, dragging me away from my home, even as I fight back. A young Jack, sitting at the dining room table. Me, standing in the Study Room, the plastic contraptions digging into my wrists. Alex pounding on the door as he's separated from his parents. Vic kissing me for the first time. Oli and his boyfriend, Josh. Gerard sitting in the familiar-looking gray cell, his hair a dark black instead of the red I'm used to seeing. Andy starting the Attack, his hands pressed against the wall.

I'm looking at a familiar scene, one that I've seen before.

Mr. Styles stands at the podium, preaching to the masses that he will save us all. "They are terrorists, they are freaks," he says."Calling them human is not right." The crowd roars its approval. "I will establish Facilities to keep these people with powers off our streets and away from our children and families," he continues. "I will make sure we will be forever safe!"

I feel a hand on my shoulder, whirling me around. Flinching back, I see the livid face of my father, purplish with rage.

"It's all your fault!" he roars, spittle flying from his mouth. "You're nothing but a freak!" The echo of the door as he slams the closet door shut, leaving nothing but darkness.

As I slowly start to surface from the layers and layers of memories, some of them mine, some of them not, icy fingers of dread start to creep through me. It's different this time, I know it. Maybe I've lost control, unable to stop myself this time. But as I open my eyes, the realization comes to me, making bile rise in my throat. Everyone saw those memories. I don't know how, but from the way everyone is staring at me, I know that they know.

In an instant, I'm slamming the door shut, latching it shut as I sink down to the ground, my head in my hands. My whole body feels hot and cold at the same time, my heart hammering in my chest. I'm shaking as I try to take in a deep breath, but I feel like I'm going to throw up. I can't stop tears from leaking from my eyes as I struggle to breathe, feeling like my throat is tightening. My head spins and I close my eyes, leaning my head against the cool tiled wall, trying to calm down, but I can't.

"Kellin?" Vic is pounding on the door. "Kellin please open the door."

I struggle to take in another breath, the world spinning around me. Panic heightens inside of me. They know. They know. The secret I've tried to hide from them for so long is out. They know how I've seen their darkest secrets and greater fears. They know that I know their weakest moments and their terror. They know everything now And I can't hide.

"Kellin," Vic says. I can't mistake the panic in his voice. "I'm not mad. I promise I'm not mad. Please just open the door."

I don't doubt him not to, but I can't face him now. "Please go away," I plead. "I can't—"

"Kells," Vic says. "I promise I'm not mad. No one is. You're okay."

I try to focus on his voice as I put my head into my hands. Take a deep breath, I tell myself.

"Kellin?" Vic calls again. I realize I haven't responded for the last few moments that he's been talking. "Please open the door. I need to know that you're okay."

I push myself to my feet, my whole body shaking. I take a deep breath before I open the door.

I don't even have time to see his reaction before he pulls me close to him, hugging me. I bury my face in his shoulder, breathing in his familiar smell of smoke and ash.

"You're okay," Vic whispers. "I love you, Kells." I don't respond as he rubs my back kissing the top of my head.

"Thank you," I mumble, my voice muffled by his shirt.

"Are you okay?" Vic asks, pulling away so he can look me in the eye.

I nod wordlessly, dropping my gaze to the ground. Vic reaches over, taking my hand before he leads me into our room. He seats me on the bed, kneeling down so he's at eye level with me.

"Can I ask you something?" he asks gently.

I nod, wrapping my arms around myself. He already knows. What worst that can happen now?

"Every time you've healed one of us, you see one of our memories?" Vic asks. I don't look up at him, not wanting to see the look of betrayal on his face.

"I'm not mad," he says. "Kellin, look at me. I promise I'm not." When I don't, he tips my chin up so I'm forced to look at him. "Kells, why would I be mad?"

"Because I've seen private things about you. And everyone. They all have the right to be mad at me," I mumble.

"That makes no sense," Vic scoffs. "You can't control it. No one has the right to be mad at you. You've saved everyone here countless times. Memories are painful, yes, but I'm pretty certain bleeding to death hurts more."

I can't help but grin at his words. "Thanks," I whisper.

"You can't control it," Vic says firmly. "It would be stupid if we blamed you for your powers when we are literally fighting a war to free ourselves."

"What happened?" I ask. "We need to know everything about what happened after you were—you were captured."

Vic nods slowly, a pained expression crossing his face. "I don't know what they did to me there," Vic says. "I promise I'm telling you the truth. I don't remember much of it. Just that I was dying and then I wasn't. I kept dreaming of you over and over again but other than that I have no clue what was going on. I couldn't remember anything for the longest time it felt like I wasn't in my own body. Like I was watching my own movements from afar. The next thing I knew is that I was on the lawn and you were there and then you were kissing me. And you know the rest after that."

"I'm sorry—" I start.

"Don't be," he says. "There's nothing about this that is your fault." Before I can protest, he leans over, cupping my face in his hand as he kisses me. I tangle my hand in his hair as I kiss him back. There are no more secrets between us, nothing hidden. I feel like there's a weight that's even lifted off of my chest allowing me to breathe easier.

"Promise to never hide anything from me?" Vic asks.

"If you promise the same," I reply.

"Deal," Vic says. "No more secrets, okay?"

I can only nod before he kisses me again, harder this time. Vic pushes me backward, my back hitting the soft bed. I kiss him back, wanting him closer and closer to me.

"Can I?" Vic asks as he slides his hand under my shirt, his skin warm against mine. I nod, not trusting myself to speak. He pulls off my shirt in one swift motion, tossing it to the other side of the room.

He's kissing me in an instant again, his body pressed against mine. I run my hand over his back, tugging at the hem of his shirt before pulling it off of him. I trail my fingers up and down his back before he takes my hands pinning them to the bed above my head as his lips trail down my neck.

I lace my fingers with his, gripping his hand tightly, letting out a soft gasp as he kisses me lower and lower. My heart is pounding loudly in my ears as his fingers begin to play with the waistband of my jeans. He waits for me to stop him before continuing, fiddling with the button before tugging them down. I can't help it; I tense at the touch, panic suddenly thrumming through me. It's illogical, I know. I trust him wholeheartedly, but still, a part of me isn't ready yet.

I don't even have to say anything. Vic knows instantly and pulls away without hesitation. He looks down at me, still breathing heavily.

"Not yet?" he asks.

I shake my head, my heart still pounding.

He nods, rolling off of me so we're lying in each other's arms instead. I'm still trying to get my heart to stop beating so wildly as he pulls me closer, kissing my forehead. Vic rests his head against the top of my head. "Whenever you're ready, I am," he whispers. "I love you."