Beyond The Sea Blue Light

You're Losing Your Light

It seems like hours before we finally arrive at the new house. Gerard and Frank drive the two cars, not stopping even as the sky lightens and the sun comes out. We offer to switch out, but they refuse, letting the rest of us get some rest.

I'm sitting in the backseat of Frank's car, leaning against the window. For the first time in a long time, I'm calm and relaxed. I listen to the sound of Oli and Frank talking in hushed tones, the faint sound of music coming from the speakers, and the faint rumble of the engine of the car as we drive down the desolate highways.

We haven't seen another car in hours, the only other one in sight is Gerard's black SUV, with Craig, Jack, and Alex. We're trailing them, watching as Gerard flicks on the turn signal, even though he doesn't have to—there's no one he could possibly hit. I lean back, watching the scenery go by, the rusted bridges stretching over the highway, pine trees reaching to the clouds. The occasional wild bird that flies past, letting out a shrill call. I even see a brown doe, grazing on the shoulder of the road, but when our cars near, she bounds away gracefully, disappearing into the trees. In the distance, the mountains stretch toward the sky, snow still lingering on the peaks. It's all so beautiful. Even after all this time, I can't believe I'm actually free.

Vic's still asleep—Gerard gave him another dose to knock him out for the car ride. His hands are bound loosely together with a purple jump rope, the absurdity of it all making me want to laugh. There's a syringe filled with clear liquid in the cup holder next to me, just in case he does wake up, but I doubt I'll actually try to use it. Right now, his head is in my lap, his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted as he breathes. I wonder what he's dreaming about. Whatever it is, it must be good because he smiles slightly in his sleep every few minutes. He looks so calm, so peaceful right now. I don't think I could be any happier at the particular moment. I tangle my fingers in his hair, mindlessly playing with the soft strands every so often. I can feel his steady pulse against my hand as I rest it against his cold skin. His chest rises and falls every so often, the sight of it comforting me. I still can't believe he's here, actually alive.

I'm exhausted, but I don't dare sleep, in fear that when I wake up, it will all be a dream. That if I close my eyes, when I open them, I'll be back at the house and Vic will still be dead. My eyelids grow heavy as Frank takes another turn, steering the car off of the paved roads and onto a bumpier one. I try to keep them open as I watch the pine trees whizz by the car, but it's getting harder and harder to by the minute.

When I wake up, I'm in a bedroom, very similar to the house we just left. For a moment, I fear that it was all a dream, that Vic really is still gone. But it's a different room, the window a bit smaller and the decorations more colorful. I can hear the quiet murmur of voices before the door creaks open slightly.

"Hey," Oli says as he comes in. "You're awake."

"Hi," I respond, wincing at the dryness in my throat.

"He's in the bedroom down the hall," Oli says, already knowing what I'm going to ask. I'm out of the door before he even finishes the sentence. "And, Kellin?" he calls after me. I stop, turning to look at him even though anticipation races through me. "Be careful. He's not exactly the same as he was before."