OBSESSION [ Ten x Yangyang ]

White night.

white night
n.
1. A night without sleep.
2. A night without full darkness, as during the summer in high latitudes.

Www.thefreedictionary.com

-
When I force myself to sleep, I meet you in my passing dream. That's why today too I can't sleep and trying to forget you.

I dreamed about you knowing my secret, a secret about you that you shouldn't know of. We were both furious and we couldn't understand each other's feelings.

But please understand one thing that I'm hurt too.
-

He had those words written on a paper that was on his desk. He was staring at it and at the black ink, the blackness of it matched the color of the sky outside. Staring at those words at two in the morning, wearing a white sleeveless shirt and grey joggers.

After waking up from his nightmare about her, today too he can't go to sleep. All night long he's just thinking of her that's why he started writing, letting his emotions come out with words who will stay unspoken.

His head was hanging low. The only place where he could see her, touch her, feel her love without thinking about anyone nor anything else was in his dreams. Yet it had to be one of those dreams where he got to be chased with the reality.

He stood up and got out of his room, heading downstairs and going towards the kitchen to get himself a cup of water.

He thought back about his dream, about him being in love. Is that even real? He's not the one to believe in true love yet he feels that maybe he's now having those feelings. The feelings of true love.

"Screw love if it's going to be like that every time." He mumbled to himself with a humorless chuckle and took another sip of his glass.

Deciding not going back to his room, knowing he won't fall asleep, he went to the living room and sat on the couch with a huff.

He leaned his head backwards and closed his eyes, his cup still in his right hand. For the last couple of days he found himself sitting in that position quite often, a new thing that came into his life.

But again what hasn't changed in the past weeks? Not that he was really aware of it but sometimes even just for a second, a little moment, he could realize everything around him is changing which made him wait for the time he will change too.

His mind wandered about his dream.

How she held his hand, wishing the reality was as beautiful as that, wishing he could tell her it is her as simple as that. But reality had just to be too harsh. Too cruel for him to handle.

Not only now his day but also his night only consist of her.

How many days have passed of him knowing her? He doesn't know. Maybe he should already say weeks.

Weeks, days.. all of that doesn't matter because he had already fallen and that's what really matter.

To him, however it does mind. It does mind him how, despite him not knowing how long it had been, in such a short or maybe long period she could just enter his head and not leaving it. He needed to know, just to calculate how desperate he is to have someone. Or maybe just to have her.

What really didn't matter to him was that he has already fallen because he still hasn't figured it out. Or maybe he didn't want to figure it out because to him all of that love-sickness didn't exist. For him it's only two people who are desperate for each others. Desperate for everything about the other, the other's eyes, voice, touch, body, warm... and the list can go on. On what people think they are in love for when in reality it just what they are addicted to.

But is him being so desperate for going to tear up everything? He found himself frowning at that question.

Well his relationship with Kun is being played with. He could never point a moment where he and him ever argued about something, only when she came. Only when Kun realized. Only when he himself started to make bad discussions that his bond with Kun started to loosen.

And yes he did just admit that his discussion are stupid. And dumb. And childish for someone his age. But what can he do? He doesn't find any other thing, any other way to please himself. To at least feel a little bit kind of happiness and warmth.

To, even just for a moment, be away from this world and the reality of it.

Then what about Ten? His mind asked.

Ten? Well he wouldn't even find out no matter what. That just how much he trusted the younger. His bond with the elder would never get harmed only of the younger he himself went up and told everything. Yet there is a change that Ten wouldn't get mad. Heck that man still thinks the other is still a baby when he's a grown ass man. Filled with much less sweetness.

But that side of him, the side of being matured, was a blind side to the others. That's what was making him furious. Maybe if they weren't so blind, maybe if they finally accepted the fact that he's all grown up now, they wouldn't get so shocked about what's going on inside his mind.

For how long he's going to sit there lost in his thought he didn't know. Even to that he didn't have an answer for, yet there he is, still like this, in his sleepless memory alone he's walking and he found her and when he opened his eyes, he saw that it's just another sleepless night... It's just another white night.

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Hey guys, I know that I said this a couple of times yet here I am saying it once again.

I'm sorry for not updating but I had such a tough time and then my exams came up and I had to focus on them, even tho they made everything worse. Dealing with anxiety, lack of sleep and skipping meals had really been pushing me to the limit, to sometimes make bad discussions. But I didn't and I'm proud of myself for that. So just wanted to say if you're having a hard time then talk to someone, talk to me if you want. A complete stranger who wouldn't judge you.

Now I've got two weeks vacation and I can't wait to start writing because I truly missed it.

I hope you're having a good time and that this update satisfied you :))

Much love.