Mixed Messages (A Drarry Fanfic)

Stutter

(Harry)

When he finally found him, Harry was startled. He resembled nothing of his former self. His hair was longer now, almost to his shoulders, and more of a white color instead of blond. He was skinny too. So skinny. His face was worn, and tired. His beautiful gray eyes no longer looked cunning and seductive, as they once had. Now they looked boring, and flat gray.

It's funny how quickly things change. Especially after war.

Harry had found him, working with a Ravenclaw girl to reinforce the defenses. He was smiling at her, a look of softness in his eyes. Harry's heart had clenched with jealousy and anger, mostly at himself, and then promptly run in the opposite direction.

The thing that made Harry the most angry was his cowardice. He had blamed Draco for being a coward, for when in reality, he was the cowardly one. Scared of his feelings, scared of love, scared that he'd hurt the one he loved... and it didn't matter. He still did.

Finally, after dinner, Harry couldn't take it. He couldn't take the pitying stares from his fellow peers, the wary ones from his closest friends. It hurt his heart to think Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, Neville, Seamus, and Dean were scared of him. Of course, they pretended like they weren't, but they were nervous, and jumpy. Harry left them soon after.

Harry wandered a bit, his mind thinking only of Draco. Would he be scared of him like all the rest? Probably. He had a reason to. Bile rose in Harry's throat as he thought of what he'd done. He couldn't believe he'd actually hit Draco. That was inexcusable. And he knew it. What if Draco no longer loved him? And instead had fallen head over heels for that Ravenclaw girl?

    "Stop it. It's been a week," Harry scolded himself. It didn't work. Harry continued to worry, and wandered aimlessly until he found himself in a familiar corridor. His heart pounded, as he reached the bottom of the steps.
    "Be brave, you brainless git," Harry told himself, and slowly he began to climb. He didn't know how he knew Draco was there, he just did.

When he saw him, back to Harry, staring at the sunset, Harry's heart ached with longing. He could turn back now, he hadn't seen him. But instead, Harry gathered his Gryffindor courage, and walked up to him. He stopped a few feet away and muttered, "hey," before mentally slapping himself.

Draco jumped, and turned, slowly. He didn't meet Harry's eyes, like before, but this time he did speak.

    "I knew you were c-coming. I don't know why. But I had a feeling. I didn't think you'd actually show up, t-though."
His voice was scratchy, and deeper than Harry remembered. Harry hesitantly took another step forward. Draco still didn't meet his eyes. Another. And another, until he was an arm length away.

    "Me too," Harry whispered. Draco shifted on his feet, and then Harry gently put a hand on his shoulder.

It was like a switch had been flipped.
    "D-Don't touch me!" Draco shrieked, batting his hand away, and stumbling back a few steps. Harry's heart leaped into his throat as he noticed how close Draco was to the edge of the roof. Then it sank with realization. Draco was really, truly scared of him.

    "I-I'm sorry," Harry tried, but Draco was shaking his head furiously.
    "No. Nonononnonono. You can't..." Draco took a shuddering breath, and for the first time since the battle, looked Harry in his eyes.
    "You can't just come back here like everything's f-f-fine. Well- w-w-ell it's not! I was d-d-doing ok! T-t-then you just s-show up and..."

    "You have a stutter..." Harry said faintly.

Draco glared at him, obviously furious at Harry for pointing that out, of all things.

    "A l-lot of things have h-h-happened since you last saw. And I only st-t-tutter when something triggers it... l-l-like you."

    "Look. Draco... you don't know how sorry I am. I know that doesn't solve everything but... I heard the whole story. How you protected Dumbledore with your life. Thank you. You are so much braver than I ever was."

Draco snorted, and nervously shifted in his feet. After a moment he whispers, "you were r-right the first t-t-time. I am a coward. I... I wanted to d-d-die the entire time I was p-p-protecting him. That was s-s-selfish and c-cowardly of me. And..."

He trailed off so Harry said, "you aren't a coward. You aren't. You... you are amazing, and I know this sounds perverted, but now is the only chance I'm feeling brave enough to say it... I love you, Draco. I really do. And... I promise to protect you. From me, yourself, and others. I swear it. I love you Draco," Harry chokes out, before breaking down in tears.

    "I've been such a bastard to you. To everyone. I'm so, so, sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me..."

Draco stood coldly, watching him as Harry sank to his feet. Finally he snapped, "will you s-s-stop the p-pity party?! You're only f-f-feeling sorry for yours-s-self!"

Harry tried his best to stop the tears, but it proved impossible. He'd destroyed the trust between him, and the entire school. Most importantly, his friends. And Draco. Beautiful, brave, Draco. Draco, who was now suffering thanks to him.

Draco sighed and plopped down dramatically next to Harry.
    "You know m-my parents tried to k-k-kill me? After the b-b-b-battle they came to Hogwarts. They t-tried to kill me in front of e-everyone. I wish they d-did. But of course, M-McGonagall stepped in. They told me to n-n-never return home. That I was d-d-d-disgusting."
He said all this in a flat tone, which caused Harry's heart to break even more.

"I-"

    "S-save it. I don't want your p-pity. I already have e-e-everybody's in the school."

Harry nodded, and looked at the boy out of the corner of his eyes.

    "I now live at Hogwarts. I have n-n-no future so I'll p-probably become a p-p-Professor here," Draco said, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

    "Just because you live at Hogwarts doesn't mean you have no future. And besides, you won't live here forever."
Draco just sighed.

"W-when did things g-go so wrong?"

    "They went wrong when I lashed out at you. Before the battle. I know you were in a difficult position, but I didn't want to accept it. I wouldn't accept that you'd tried your best. You have no idea how sorry I am."

    "I do," Draco said, turning to look at him.
   "I d-do actually. I k-k-know you didn't mean for I-it to get so out of h-hand. But it d-did. So w-w-what do we do now?"

Harry sighed.
    "I don't know. But. I do know that I will never stop trying to fix things between us."
Draco rolled his eyes.
    "You c-can't fix this."
    "I'll try though. I'll always try. I made the mess, it's time for me to clean it up."

Draco was silent a long time before he murmured, "did you m-mean what you s-said?"
"What?"
"That you l-l-l-love me?"
"Yes."
"That's the f-first time someone h-has ever said t-that to me."
"Oh."
"Y-yeah."
"Draco?"
"W-what?"
    "I'm not going to give up on you. Or us."
When Draco looked at him again, in the fading light Harry could just barely see the glimmer of tears in his eyes.
    "It's t-too late for t-t-that, Harry."

Then he stood, and walked away.

Harry leaped to his feet and shouted after him,    
    "I don't care what you say! I love you, Draco Lucius Malfoy! And I'm not going to stop loving you!" Harry cried.

"I don't care how long it takes! I'm not going to stop trying. I'm always going to love you!"