Mixed Messages (A Drarry Fanfic)

The Coward

Warning!!! ⚠️ Suicidal thoughts/actions. Please read with discretion!

(Draco. This takes place at the same time as the last chapter)

Everything was crumbling beneath him. When he needed Harry's comfort the most, he'd left him. We he needed to be brave the most, he had no courage.

    "I'm a failure. I'm a screw up. I'm a mess. There's not one person in this world who truly cares about me. I am nothing."

Somehow, Draco felt himself walking up stairs, to somewhere he didn't know. He didn't care. Just had to get away. His world was blinded with tears that refused to fall.

The thing that snapped Draco out of his panic was the cool wind whipping across his cheeks. He blinked, and everything came into focus.

The cold, dark sky loomed over him, and the stars twinkled down. Beautiful, golden light radiated warmth. Draco's mind suddenly felt clearer.

     "I am Draco Lucius Malfoy," he began in a trembling voice, speaking to no one, and hoping someone would hear. "I am 16 years old. I live with... with my parents. I am a death eater. I am the Slytherin Seeker..."

His voice finally broke, and he began to tell the truth.
    "I am a terrible person. I have done terrible things. I am a slave to evil..."
As he mumbled this, he felt himself stumbling to the edge.
    "I hate myself. Everyone hates me. I'm...im up really high." His voice wavered again.

He knew he should get down. He should walk away. Instead, he waited to hear an answer that never came.

The bitter wind stung his cheeks, causing Draco to cry out. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer.
    "WHY WONT YOU ANSWER ME?! SOMEONE?! IS THERE NO ONE WHO LOVES ME? IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT HERE FOR ME?! FOR MERLINS SAKE, ANSWER ME!!" Draco shouted, until his voice went sore, and his cheeks were wet with tears.

He slumped to his knees and whispered, "am I alone?"

The only reply he received was the howling laughter of the wind.

A numbness started to take over his body, starting with his heart, and spreading everywhere, until his eyes glazed over.
    "Coward. Coward. Coward. Coward," a little voice in his head hissed.

    "You should just do it. Jump, you idiot. It's the one good thing you can do in this life- rid the world of your pathetic existence. No one will miss you. In fact, they'll rejoice that you are finally gone."

Slowly, Draco stood and stepped over the edge, one foot dangling over the rooftop.

    "Huh. The lake looks gorgeous from here," Draco thought softly. He felt a lump rise in his throat as he thought about all his time here. On Earth. It wasn't a good time, but it was life. And there's nothing like life in this world.

He was ready to do it. He wanted to.

But then the screaming started.

And without waiting to consult him, his body jerked away from the edge and started running.

Running. Down the stairs, through the halls.

    "They've found a way in. They've found a way in without me," was the only thing pouring in his head.

In that moment, when he heard the scream, he didn't think. He did.

He realized something, as he darted down the halls. If he died, he'd only prove his point.

    "If I jumped, I would be a coward. I have to face my mistakes. I have to undo the damage I've caused. I need to be brave."

For Draco, the battle was over just as quickly as it started. There were thousands of them, and only a hundred or so students. It was a raging war... and yet? It was so silent. So still.
It was like watching from under water.

Draco slaughtered mercilessly, without a second glance at his fellow death eaters, because he realized something.

It doesn't matter where you came from. What matters is that you make the right choices. And the right choices might be hard. They might kill you to do. But in the end you do them, because you can do it.

You can face your mistakes. You can right your wrongs. You just have to be brave enough to accept them.

    "Jumping from the astronomy tower isn't heroic. It's an escape. It proves my cowardice. And I-"
Draco snarled, as he lunged at the nearest death eater,

    "Am no coward!"

Wow. I usually don't do authors notes, but I feel like I need to. First, I am not calling anyone who committed/ thought of committing a coward. I know that there are so many factors to consider. Secondly, please feel free to message me if you ever need help! I'm always here to talk.

Thirdly. Whew. I didn't mean for this to get so intense. My heart hurts. Anyways, please call this hotline if you or someone you know is thinking of committing- the world would be a darker place without you. 800-273-8255.

Lastly, thank you so much for your support, and I hope you are enjoying the story. Stay safe,

-C