Breathless...

𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝘁.𝟭

All of the chapters for 'outed' are dedicated to CyllXRosso, the most treasured person in my life. You've made me stronger, you've given me hope, and you've given me all your love.

Vote and comment for an early update!!💛

Baz's POV

Simon finally leaves me for dinner and in search of his Mage. 

I decide that about now should be a good time to talk to Penelope, since I've already hunted. I know I lied to Simon about hunting in the night, but it doesn't seem like too big of an issue. It's just. . . the Catacombs remind of me of my mother far too much these days. I can't stand going there. Too many thoughts of everything I lost that night, too many feelings of abandonment, too many apologies for remaining alive. So I picked the Wood. The easier way out, instead of facing my emotions.

"Baz. . What are you doing here?" Bunce asks smiling despite her confusion, as I reach the empty fields near Cloisters.

"I know I'm not the most pleasant company, but do you really have to make it so obvious?" I quip.

"Grumpy much?" She laughs, it's a deep and genuine sound.

"Who would I be if I weren't?" I ask, locking arms with her as we walk towards the Lawn. That old willow has really become our place.

"Not Baz, that's for sure." She remarks, tugging me forward, "You know, for a guy with super speed, Merlin, you sure are taking your time!" She hisses over her incredulous smile.

"What can I say, Bunce? I like provoking people. . ," I smirk as she continues to practically force me to continue walking.

"Attention seeker." She remarks.

"Side effect of unresponsive parents, endless empty hallways, and aloneness." And we both know what she said would be too close to true—if I was a regular human. But I'm not. . I am never drawn out, and I care not for being open. I have my secrets, and if I don't protect them, I won't likely have a life.

"Parents? As in plural?" Bunce says, never knowing when to quieten her questions.

"Step-mother. But I guess I never wanted her attention anyway. Not that I don't value support against my father." I answer, submitting to Penelope's curiosity. Then she gives me a quizzical glance. "She doesn't mind that I'm queer. And worries I'm depressed." I say, laughing. "Also? You might want to quit dragging me, I'm not as light as I look." I remark.

"No kidding." She says nearly panting with the effort of tugging me forward as I hold my ground. Then she just turns around and fixes me with a glare. I burst into laughter right that second, unable to hold it back after looking down at her wide, irritated eyes and frowning.

Penelope's POV

I will spell him forward if he continues this!!
The slightly chilly air bites at me. Even though it's barely winter, I'm already shivering. And wondering what we'll be doing for Christmas, now that Baz and Simon are a thing. Despite being an incognito thing.

"Hey, Baz, Christmas plans?" I throw in the middle of our conversation.

"What? Oh, the usual. . . Family dinner; though maybe I'll take Simon home. Unless you have any qualms?" He answers.

"Oh no, my mom can be. . Well, she doesn't exactly want Simon at home. So you're good, in fact, please take him! He needs it." I rush out, and Simon's boyfriend chuckles.
Yeah, Simon's boyfriend, I think. I did not see this romance coming. Not like this.

"Forget my boyfriend, what about you, Bunce?" He chuckles, treasuring the fact that he can call Simon his.

"Nothing. The usual." I say, bored.

"What's going on, Bunce?" He asks as we settles down near our willow. Wasting no breath, huh?

"Just annoyed, Baz. Just annoyed." I say to the grass below, and he looks at me, 'deadpanned' expression.

"At the world, at Trixie and her girlfriend, at everyone who isn't lonely. . ," I admit begrudgingly

"We're all lonely, Penelope." He says quietly.

"But you have Simon." I urge, because he has someone.

"As do you." Again, he really looks at me. Silver eyes melt.

"I don't know how to fix it, okay?" I finally let out. "That's my only problem."

"Of course, the great Penny Bunce is confused by what she doesn't understand." He says with a small, knowing smile. "It's just an emotion, Bunce. Just another dreadful emotion."

"Well, what am I supposed to do with it?" I ask angrily.

"Feel it. And find something to do that fulfills you. In the end Bunce, we can only ever count on ourselves. . ,"

"You don't believe that Simon will be there for you?" I ask, wondering how he has so little faith.

"I don't trust the universe enough to hope for such things. Regardless, even if he did desire to be with me forever. . . He can't be—It simply isn't possible for anyone to always be there in any way." Baz says with furrowed brows and a pout. He always looks like a fairytale character. Dramatic. . Unreal. "Might as well accept that, and move on." He smiles.

"Baz,"

"Yes."

"You're so hopeless,"

"You're too kind."

"I wasn't finished,"

"Right. . ,"

"And also, very realistic. I needed to hear that." I smile at him as I say this. And he smiles back.

"What's been on your mind?" I ask.

Baz's POV

My mother has been on my mind. My mother. . .

I just wish to feel near her. I miss her. I miss what Watford was like when she was around. I miss what family was like. What I was like. What happiness was like.

I think I'll go visit the Mage's sanctum. If only to remind me of mother. Or maybe the office. Not the Catacombs. . . Somehow, being near her grave is only making me feel further away.