Unwilling To Hate You (MAJOR EDITING)

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Camilla's POV

I had officially broke her. But I can't help the way I feel about her. I did like her, but I couldn't agree with it. Just because I did fancy her didn't mean I was going to accept it or let it happen. I'd rather go out with Mike than accept my feelings for her. In my head, me liking her was forbidden. I couldn't have it. I couldn't have her, because to have her would mean going through the battle of finding myself, and I was unwilling to do that. I was unwilling to put myself through that.

No matter how much it would hurt her, I had to make it clear I didn't feel the same way even if I did. I had to stop her feeings before they got deeper, more intense and more unable to stop. More unable to avoid. Before it might actually kill us both.

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Charlie's POV

"You shouldn't have come out." she murmured.

I looked her in the eye, a deadly stare."What did you say?"

"You should have kept quiet." she said even more confident.

I flinched at her words and turned away. It wasn't nice being insulted. I don't think I could even call that insulted to be completely honest but it's just hearing it, makes it ten times worse. To keep quiet would be to hide myself. I'm not one to hide. Maybe I was once upon a time, but that phase is long gone. That part of me was exactly that, a phase.

"You know, you should be very careful with how you word things, because one day you could end up in a situation like this and wish for my help. I wouldn't push your luck with me Camilla. Everyone has a limit."

"You have a job to do Charlie. I could do and say anything I wanted and I'd still manage to come out above you." Camilla spat at me.

Just before I was about to do something I'd regret I was yanked away and landed hard against the floor. I looked up and found Jack. He shot me a look of sympathy then turned to his sister.

"What do you think you're doing Camilla?" he questioned her.

"This friend of yours, is gay Jack, she likes girls, do you know how disgusting that is?" She tried to reason with him.

"Camilla, I'm gay, you knew that, our whole family knew that, and yet you have the guts to come here and do this to Charlie, bearing in mind she saved your life." He said sternly.

She looked down."Get out of my sight, I can't even look at you right now." he said to her. She rushed up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door.

He came towards me and pulled me into a hug. No words needed to show that he was there.

"I think she's gay." he said to me. "And I think she likes you." he finished.

"What? If that's her way of showing that she likes me then she's gonna have trouble getting in my pants."I joked.

"No Charlie, she likes you, that's why she's saying these things to you, because in her head, she's not gay, but she likes you. She just can't accept it yet, and that's your choice on whether you want to wait, but if it's hurting you already then you've got to let it go Charlie."He said to me truthfully.

He got his men to clean the house up then ushered me to the bedroom and left me to sleep. As soon as he left the house, I went downstairs, and drank. I needed time to just relax, now this is no way the conclusion that I should have, but I can't go anywhere else, I needed this. I needed not to be here for a while. A break from reality. I knew it wasn't the right way to go about it, bit I was in the wrong state of mind. I was in love. And I had my heart broken by it. I didn't intend to fall that fast. But it had happened. And now it was done. Finished. Over. This was all hurting me more than I had come to terms with, I didn't realise she meant that much. I knew I liked her, but maybe I'm questioning on whether its stronger than that. Whether it's deeper than that.

I found vodka. Bottles of it. So I sat and watched cartoons, and drank all of them until there wasn't even a drop left, until I couldn't feel anything, until I blacked out completely.