Unwilling To Hate You (MAJOR EDITING)

15

Camilla's POV

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Charlie was sat opposite me. My eyes strained from trying not to look at her. I couldn't look at her. She'd know how I felt. I couldn't do that after I'd done all that to the people I love. I'd told Jack I'm not gay and even went as far as insulting him.
And Charlie was a whole other story. I couldn't look at her. I stayed involved in any conversation that came up and ignored any contribution she made or comment made towards her. If I pretended like she wasn't even there then she'd leave me alone and stop trying.

I needed to sort myself out. I couldn't give in to her. She knows she's my weakness. That bloody kiss was my weakness. Her body... was my weakness. I couldn't give into my desires though. Yes. I desired her. I really, deeply, desperately desired her. She's like a coffee in the morning, you need it. Well I need her. But if she knew that, then she'd have full power over me and I couldn't have that. I needed to keep as much sanity and power to myself, incase I ended up getting hurt. I needed my walls to stay strong, to not falter under her intense gaze that's currently prickling my face. All it took was the tiniest flicker of my eyes to the left, and I would meet her's. But I couldn't.

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Charlie's POV

The clunking of the cutlery filled up the background noise whilst I sat worrying about how I was going to get Camilla to notice me. I felt bad, I shouldn't have put her in such a situation, and I honestly hated myself for it now. Yeah, maybe at the beginning it made sense to go for what I wanted, but she didn't want it. And that was selfish of me to go for what I wanted without even thinking about her. She didn't want it, and she will never want it. How hard could it be for me to understand that?They were currently having a conversation about love. And Camilla was acting as if I wasn't even here.

"Love isn't kind, at the start it treats you like shit, until you start noticing that you don't want to be horrible to that person anymore and you regret how horrible you were. The horrible phrases turn into teasing. You don't say hurtful things to them, you say things that will rile them up, but not to hurt them. You want them to notice you and look at you. Man and woman, woman and woman or man and man, love will happen when it happens. Love doesn't care for the gender. And that's how it should be." Mrs Henderson spoke.

"I agree." My mother spoke up. But my eyes were focused on my father.

"What about you dad? Do you agree?" I asked. The table went silent. He said nothing.

"And here I thought I'd give you the chance to redeem yourself."I seethed at him and stormed away from the table, to go to the bathroom and calm down. My mother in tow.

"What was that Charlie?" she asked.

"What was what?"  I said, dumbly.

"Don't play stupid with me, I know when somethings bothering you and right now you're angry."

"I hate him mum, I hate him!"I cried out. She looked shocked. I'd never disrespected my father in front of her. Never.

"What do you mean darling?" she pushed, pulling me into a hug.

"He hates me."I stated.

"What do you mean!" She shrieked.

"When Camilla and me were arguing, he told me to back off, but he accused me of things I'd never wish on the worst person."

"He did what?!" She shouted, her voice getting louder. "Charlie you know I'd do anything to keep you from getting hurt, tell me what you need me to do."

"Mum it's okay. I can handle, I just need some tims." I said and walked out of the bathroom, to a table by myself. I watched my mother come out of the toilet looking for me and grabbing my father's arm and telling the Henderson's to follow and help find me so they can all talk.I think we're a bit past that.

"Charlie!"

"Where are you C?"

I could hear my bane echoing through the walls, almost as if there was no escape whilst I was in here. Once they had left the ball area I walked out to our garden. I went and sat with my feet dipped in the pool. It was calming. So peaceful, and nothing could harm me here. This was my place. This was my escape.

"Charlie." a whisper intruded my thoughts.
"You know everyone's looking for you." She spoke softly.

"Camilla just go." I said broken. She started walking away.

"I'm sorry."I said. She stopped in her tracks but then her heels clicked against the cement as she let the distance between is marginalise.I knew there was no chance she could feel the same way for me. It was a losing game. All of it. But you can't stop love. I figured that out way too soon, me and dad had hardly ever agreed on things that actually meant something, but no matter what, I'll always love him. When mum left, I still found myself loving the idea of what she used to be. And now, here I am, struggling with the thought of loving someone who could never truly love me the way I do her.

"I think love you." I whispered, the air carrying it away from me. No response came. No sound came. No confession was made back to me in reality or in my dreams because deep down I knew she would never love me the same as I loved her. I'd always love her more. And that makes it practically impossible.

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Do you like the two POV's? I've decided to put both of their feelings in , as one means its all one sided.

Thank you !!

Bye👋