Dangerous Woman | Jeon Jungkook

Part 30

I feel alone.

It is so dark, although it is a sunny day. I don't know how long this storm will prevail in my head and heart, but I'm afraid that one day it will destroy the flower garden in my lungs, leaving nothing left but the plucked petals blowing away with the next breeze.

Not even Nora, who is sitting next to me right now, can cheer me up, despite her many attempts to make me laugh. The corners of my mouth have not even moved up a millimeter and I feel somehow bad that I'm dragging her into my melancholic mood. It's not like her to mourn something for so long, but we are two different people and I can't help but be who I am.

"Would you like something to drink? Something that will numb you even if it's only for a few hours?" she asks cautiously, but I just shake my head.

It is exactly three weeks today after the fire. Three full weeks without Jungkook. At least without the Jungkook I know.

After the fire, he has changed completely. He has become more distant, he barely eats, barely speaks. I can understand him, it is not easy to lose something in his life that means so much to him, for which he has worked so hard and sacrificed so much. But it breaks my heart that he pushes me away from himself like this. He won't let me get close to him, won't let me cross his walls, which this time he has built too high that he himself can't see the daylight.

I feel powerless and small because I can't do anything to help him because I can't relieve his pain. There is nothing I can say to make him feel better and I have given up trying long ago. I have tried to find ways out, to encourage him that together we can rebuild everything, bring everything back to the old. Sure, the memories that have been burned down must live on in his memory from now on, but at least he would not lose everything completely.

But he snapped at me. He has never snapped at me before and to be honest it hurt me. Hurt because I only wanted to be there for him, because I wanted to help him, but it looks like he doesn't want me by his side.

"I feel as if I have no tears left to cry," I exhale, tired from the last days and weeks.

As if it was not enough for me to deal with this situation, the stress at work also made me suffer. Apparently the client didn't like our plans and I have to sketch and send in a new plan as good as I can in the next few days. I'm glad that I have Jimin as a work colleague because he offered to help me, although he himself has a lot on his plate. He is truly an angel.

"Please don't say that. It breaks my heart," she pleads, moving closer. She opens her arm for me and I don't miss out on the comfort as I accept her invitation and nestle myself under her arm.

"We had our first fight a few days ago since we were in a relationship," I tell her, thinking back to the day that made me spend an hour in the shower crying.

I'm wiping my hands on a kitchen towel when I hear the front door open and then close again. Just in time finishing the preparation for dinner Jungkook comes around the corner, the gym bag hanging loosely on his shoulder. He has pulled the hood of his oversized sweater over his head, the now medium-length hair, still wet at the ends because of his shower, hanging out. I can't see his face, but I know from his movements that the workout and everything else probably tired him out.

"You're back," I greet, a little more joy in my voice to show him that I was waiting for him.

But my joy creeps back into his dark corner deep inside me faster than I could make it happen when he does nothing but nod for a moment without looking me in the eye. It hurts again and again not to be able to have even a normal conversation with him. The longest we had was only five sentences.