Dangerous Woman | Jeon Jungkook

Part 31

I drag my feet across the ground, not worrying about the annoying noises that come up while I'm walking along the shore. My boss has given me the rest of the day off because apparently I'm not concentrated enough and not myself. I can't blame him, because even a person who doesn't know me would recognize from a good distance that I'm not in a good mood. But the work was a distraction for me. A little escape from my worries, which are only about one person and even in my nightmares hanging on my throat.

Jungkook.

How long has it been since I saw him? I can't even count the days, to be honest, I stopped counting some time ago. But every time I see even something small that reminds me of him, my eyes fill with tears. I haven't cried since the day I was with Nora. Whether I didn't want to or simply didn't have any tears left to shed, I don't know myself.

Exhaling a long breath I kick the small stones that get in my way in front of me, the slight sound of the waves nearby audible. I look to the right and see seagulls flying around over the sea. I would really be willing to give a lot to be able to fly away as carefree as they do, to have no worries, to let the wind run through my feathers, and to let my wings take me to other, more beautiful places.

The world is a strange place. It has its beauties, but also its ugly sides. You have people that you love. One day they are with you and the next day they are not. Everything can happen within hours, minutes, seconds and sometimes you have no control over it. You wish you could change everything, do something, but your hands are tied. Sometimes you just watch how everything beautiful around you falls apart as if it never happened and all that remains are the memories.

The saddest part of life is when the person who gave you the best memories becomes a memory.

And Jungkook is just about to become one. But I didn't want that. I don't want this. I don't want Jungkook to live in my memories. I want to be able to touch him. To wake up next to him every morning and hear his voice. I want us to talk about stupid things and laugh until our stomachs cramp. I even miss our little arguments. The little dates. Our movie nights. How he put me over his shoulder just to throw me on the bed and tickle me until I could no longer breathe.

Jungkook is the first man for whom I have sacrificed something after a long time. I put my fear of being hurt aside and I don't regret it one bit. Quite the opposite. He is the best thing that has happened to me.

Taking a deep breath, I look up to the sky and see dark clouds gliding heavily across the sky, but it is not raining. Perhaps they are mirroring me right now. Their speed is slow because they carry a lot of weight, ready to pour out every second. But they don't do it. Maybe they can't cry anymore either, just like me.

I continue strolling through the park, which has somehow become our usual spot, where we literally flee from the problems of everyday life to find a little peace in each other's presence. Normally we would walk around here without really having a destination, sometimes even sitting in the grass for hours without saying anything, our eyes speaking more than words.

Spotting an empty bench, which isn't difficult, considering that the park is empty, I sit down, a little tired from the hour-long walk, which was only supposed to be a short breather. I really don't know what to do with my life anymore. What did I do before I met him? How did I spend my time? Sure, I still had Nora, but we didn't see or meet each other every day either. It's just an indescribable feeling to have someone you never stop thinking about. I was an independent woman, but now I feel like an abandoned baby. Not even two years ago when I broke up with my ex I felt so lonely. Well, I was probably glad to get rid of him, but I'm just trying to make sense of it now.