i think i like you // emily prentiss x reader

twelve.

a/n: hey loves!! this chapter is going to be about y/n's past,, its gonna be a longer chapter and im going to write it in a bit of a different style.. it's gonna be more of a heavy chapter so please be mindful of your own mental health. also, this is one chapter that i am gonna specify to my life, as i mentioned in the intro i'm gonna make some parts of y/n apply to me. 

this being said, i'm going to be talking about a lot of my trauma in this chapter. i'm genuinely not writing this for sympathy or anything other than the fact that this book has kinda been an escape for me and i like writing down my feeling and experiences so i can process them better.

TW // mentions of suicide, self harm, rape, eating disorders, and bullying

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y/n pov: i sat in silence for a second before taking a deep breath, "okay, i don't know how much i'll get through tonight, but i do want to tell you everything eventually." i said and she nodded is response. i looked her in the eyes before looking back down at my lap and starting:

i had a pretty good childhood experience, of course there was times when i was in trouble with my parents or thought it was unfair that i had an early bedtime but for the most part, there wasn't much to complain about. i grew up in a nice neighborhood on a dirt road. there weren't many kids but the ones that were there, we were all best friends; we would play tag late into the night during the summer, build forts in the canyon behind our houses, make up games where we pretended to run a restaurant in which we would serve our stuffed animals paper food, have dance parties to hannah montana in the basement, and have sleepovers on the trampoline in our backyard. growing up i did competitive gymnastics, until that career was ended due to too many injuries. my family would always travel; every summer we would take month long road trips and go camping for weeks at a time, i traveled to a bunch of different countries and experienced a lot of new cultures. i was that care-free, little girl who thought she could do anything. unfortunately, once my pre-teen years hit, that all came tumbling down.

at the age of 13, i started to lose that happiness i once had. i didn't really know why,  but i started to go out less, and withdraw from my friends and family. when i was 14 years old, my best friend committed suicide in front of me.. he shot himself and there was absolutely nothing i could've done to stop him. after that, my parents put me in counseling thinking it would help.. i was diagnosed with a multitude of mental illnesses, as expected. i was bullied all throughout middle school once people started finding out i was depressed.. calling me a freak and laughing about the fact i had watched my best friend take his life right in front of me, saying i should've been next. my therapist tried to force me to talk about what i was feeling, but that only made me close off even more. in order to feel something, seeing as i was bottling up my emotions, i turned to self harm...

once high school hit, i thought it would be better, a new environment, bigger school... my freshman year wasn't too bad and things at school started to get better, and i was becoming happier, or so i thought. that's when my parents stared to fight a lot.. they would be screaming at each other from the time i woke up to the time i went to bed. my sister and i were always in the middle of their arguments and by the time the end of my sophomore year, i was fed up with it.. 

i didn't want to be alive anymore, and i'll spare you the details, but i was hospitalized for an overdose attempt. i spent a week inpatient on the psych ward of probably the sketchiest hospital i had ever been in. i laughed a bit at this trying to lighten the mood which i knew was about near impossible to do. emily grabbed my hand into hers and was rubbing small circles on the back with her thumb while i continued.