What comes next? -Sequel to college years-lams fanfic

Chapter 4

A/N Lol so much for 'I'll update in 2 hours' sorry I forgot about homework that was due so I had to stop writing last night. Anyway we really hit the angst in da last chapter and idek what's gonna happen in this, You'd think I'd know being the author and stuff but nah honestly I have no clue what I'm writing until I've written it. Also in the pic at the top is a list of fanfics that I've had ideas for, this book definitely isn't finished yet but what should I write next?

Trigger Warning- hospital, mentions of suicide.

Alex POV

John Isn't Answering. What do I do? I'm running out of time, I'm running out of time. I quickly Grab my phone and call 911. "911 What's your emergency?" The person on the other line says.

"My husband! I think he cut his wrists! He locked himself in the bathroom with his pocket knife and he won't answer! Please help" I cry.

"Okay sir, calm down, some paramedics will be there very soon." The person says and I give them all the information they need and hang up.

I call Laf, and tell him to tell the others. As soon as the paramedics arrive they break down the door and I only see a little but I seen John's pale face and a pool of blood. "John! JOHN!" I scream and a couple of them hold me back while the get him outside into the ambulance.

They let me ride in the ambulance with him. He's unconscious and they keep putting more bandages over his wrist. I sit on the other side of him holding his hand tight. A couple minutes later we arrive at the hospital but they don't let me go in with him, instead they make me wait in the waiting room.

When I walk in everyone's already waiting there. "Is he breathing? Is he going to survive this? What happened?" Peggy asks as they all run up to me.

"I don't know! All I know is He got a call from his dad and Charles Lee and they said some stuff and John got really upset and ran to the bathroom. I tried everything but he wouldn't open the door and now he's gonna die because of me!" I say pushing past them all and sitting in one of the chairs.

"Alex it's not you're fault," Eliza says sweetly,

"Yes it is! I was the one with him. I was the one that could have stopped it. I was the reason he did this!" I yell.

"Mon ami He's one of our best friends and we love him but this is not you're fault, Just try to calm down," Laf says.

"Calm down?! You want me to calm down?! My freaking husband in in there and who knows if he's gonna live or not! If Hercules was in there instead of John would you be calm?!" I shout, I nurse comes over and tells me to be quiet.

It's now been about half an hour and I've been asking about John every 5 minutes. I walk up to the front desk and the lady there sighs, "You want me to check on John Laurens again?" She asks and I nod.

She does something on her laptop and then looks surprised. "Actually yes there is some news, He just got out of surgery so he's in recovery now he lost a lot of blood, there's about a 60% chance of survival," She says and looks at me sympathetically.

"C-can you tell me his room number?" I ask.

"240, 3rd floor." She says and I run up, the others follow me.

I run into his room and stop as soon as I see him, he looks so pale and there are heaps of machines hooked up to him. He's still unconscious but looks so peaceful, his heart rate is normal which is good. I pull up a chair and sit next to him while the others stand around the bed.

He stirs a little and his eyes slowly flutter open, "John!" I yell and hug him, He groans in pain and I quickly get off him "Sorry" I says looking down.

"No, it's fine. I-I'm sorry." he says smiling very weakly.

"John, I'm so glad you're okay" Peggy says.

"Well for now he is." A doctor says walking in. What kind of doctor says that?!

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"Well because of the depth of the wound and the loss of blood he'll have to go back to surgery" the doctor says and walks out after checking all John' machines.

"Ugh I should have jumped off a roof it would be a lot easier," John says and I hold his hand, not the one that's stitched up of course.

"No, don't say that. Please" I beg more tears running down my face.

"Why not? I'm gonna die anyway why not choose how I do it" He replies.

"You're not going to die!" I practically yell.

"Alex we both no there's not a very high chance of me surviving the next surgery." He says like it's no big deal. I quickly get up and run out of the room. To where I don't know. "Alex wait!" He yells but I just keep running.

I run to the bathroom and lean against the wall to catch my breath. I did this to him. I could have done something more about his dad, I could have tried harder to open the door, I could have saved him, I could have never met him. If I never met him he'd be happier, he wouldn't be in hospital right now, he wouldn't have to deal with me.

I'm an idiot, who runs out on there dying husband. I'm a horrible person! I sit and think for awhile before Lafayette comes in, "Alex, there you are we've been looking everywhere! John has to go into surgery in like 5 minutes and he needs you." He says walking over to me.

"He doesn't need me, I'm the reason he's here in the first place." I reply.

"It's his dad's fault not yours, it took 3 nurses to hold him down so he didn't run after you. Alex he needs you more than he needs stitches right now! Your husband the one you swore to be with through sickness and health is upstairs hating himself even more and telling the doctors to just let him die, and you're just gonna sit here and let him do that?!" He says hold his hand out to me.

"I guess you're right," I take his hand and we walk/run back to John's room. When we get there John's an even bigger mess than before. I just can't stop hurting him, ugh I'm the worst. "John" I say quietly and he stops fighting off the doctors.

"Alex... I'm so sorry!" He bursts into tears, Everyone clears the room and closes the door behind them. I run over to him, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Shhh, It's not your fault, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left." I reply.

"I-I don't wanna go back into surgery, I just want it to be over" He cries. I move to sit next to him and wrap my arm around him, carful not to pull on one of the cords.

"I know, but it'll help you. You'll get better. Everything will get better." I say soothingly.

"B-but my dad and Charles?" He sniffles.

"We can have there phone privilege's removed or something. It's gonna be ok" I promise. I wish I could believe what I was saying but I don't have anymore hope than him right now.

"I'm so sorry! You must hate me now! I broke almost every promise I ever made to you!" He starts sobbing again.

"Do you still love me?" I asks and he looks up at me.

"Of course I still love you bu-"

"Then you didn't break any promises. John I know how hard this is but we're gonna get through it, together. You're the strongest person I know and you've gone through hell and yet here you are, 22, still alive, married and almost a father. You're father and Charles are just 2 people out of 7 billion. Charles hates you because he loves you and your father's still stuck in 1776. They don't matte. You're the only one that matters, in this entire messed up world you are the only person who's as nice and kind and amazing as you are. I love you so much John Laurens and I could never live with myself if you died." I say, now I can believe what I'm saying.

"T-thank you" He says, I wipe the tears from his face and he nods. "I guess I'm ready for the next surgery"