Ghost Soldiers || Bucky Barnes

Chapter 47: Wherever You Are

Bucky Barnes was presumed dead on 1945, two years after Clementine died. He was declared killed in action after falling off a train in one of his missions along captain America and the rest of the Howling Commandos. And while he was falling, all he could think was that he was going to be with Clementine again. The last two years had been hell for him, and they had changed him. He had stopped smiling, dancing, and doing everything he once liked. He had dedicated all his time to the army and taking down HYDRA, and he had forgotten about living.

He wanted to make them pay for what they had done to her, so he did everything he could to see them fall. He had taken down so many HYDRA secret bases, and he had killed so many German soldiers that he had lost count. And not once he had felt bad about it. Every time he had killed someone, he imagined that had been the soldier who had shot Clementine, and somehow, that made him feel a bit better, at least for awhile.

He wasn't proud of the person he had become, and he knew Clementine wouldn't have been proud either. But he didn't care, because she was gone. And he spent those two years trying to forget her, but he never could. And he realized that time didn't heal all wounds, it just numbed them for awhile. But eventually, the pain always came back, always reminding him how easy it was to get hurt.

So when he fell of the train, he finally felt at peace. But that didn't last for long. Somehow, he had managed to survive the fall, and he had lost his arm in the process. He remembered the pain and the cold, and he didn't understand how was he alive. And then a Soviet patrol had found him, and had carried him to a secret base, where once again, he was made a prisoner of HYDRA. But this time, he knew no one would come for him, because everyone thought he was dead.

A few days after he had been rescued, they had tied him up to a bed, and they told him they were going to erase his memories, so he could become the perfect soldier. And he tried to escape, but in the end, he couldn't do it. And so they wiped out all his old memories, including all those he had with Clementine. And for a second, he felt relieved, because he knew he wouldn't remember her, and he wouldn't remember that he had once loved her, and had lost her in the most cruel way possible.

When he woke up, he had no idea of who he was, or where he was. And they had trained him to become the perfect soldier, the perfect killer. He became a ghost soldier, a perfect assassin. And he killed dozens of times, without any remorse. He did it for decades, and sometimes, he managed to start remembering about his old life. And he remembered her. And each time he did, it was like he was losing her all over again, and the pain was unbearable. But each time, they managed to wipe out those memories, and he lost her, time after time.

On December 16th, 1992, HYDRA sent him on a mission. He was supposed to kill Howard Stark, an old friend of him, and his wife, Maria Collins, now Maria Stark, who had been Clementine's best friend all those years ago. And he never forgot the look Maria gave him when she recognized him. But he didn't remember her, so he killed her, along with her husband. Something he never forgot, that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

He spent years in cryopnosis, and each time they needed him, they woke him up, and he did whatever they told him to. And he was a HYDRA soldier for over 70 years, until they sent him to kill Nick Fury and destroy the rest of SHIELD. There, he saw Steve Rogers, his best friend, again. And he remembered him. And he remembered her too. But before he could do anything about it, they erased his memory again, and he tried to kill Steve again. But luckily, he failed, and he ended up saving Steve's  life. And for the first time in over seven decades, he was free. And no one controlled him, or used him. So he escaped, to try and figure out who he was.

The first thing he did was to find a place where to stay in Washington. He stayed in a cheap motel, and there, he tried to remember who he used to be. And it took him weeks to remember things and people after doing some research, but in the end, he remembered fragments of his old life. So, he went to the Smithsonian, wearing civilian clothes and a cap so he couldn't be recognized by anyone.