Tolkien Silmarillion Oneshots

A/n

I apologize guys for not updating for a long time. I lost my interest of writing for a while, but I'm slowly coming back to it.
It's just my family has a lot of problems going on and I don't know if I can keep up with them anymore. My depression is getting worse.

I've been enduring for it years now.
I've been crying for days, sometimes even during online classes by muting myself as well as shutting off the camera. Every mistake that I do is they only thing they notice. They mostly don't care about my well being. But when it comes to my younger brother and cousins, they always compare to me and say that I should be like them. My brother doesn't even study hard unlike me, he always insults me as well as sometimes to physically hurting me for no reason. But my family especially my mom, they don't do anything about it.

I do follow their orders and try to smile but I can't. I just really can't. It was always forced. My single mom just keeps on bickering about the things she wants to do me because of the way that I act. I always act cold and frowning towards them, sometimes I can't even handle their prescence that I go to my room locking myself in. I can't even tell them that I have depression. I had insomnia once but I quickly manage to get over it by my own.

It's just people today, they think depression and other mental sickness is just a drama. Especially here in Philippines. My family obviously won't believe me cause they've always been like that. They don't even know that they're the ones who triggered it.
My brother tried to kill himself once with a kitchen knife, his condition isn't even that like of mine. Yet I understood what he feels but still I've had it for a couple years. I always remember that I bang my head on my wardrobe door or on the cemented wall.
But I rarely do it anymore so I'm fine yet my family doesn't know it for I mostly do it when their gone.

My brother has never been sad or cold, always jolly. When I ask him questions if he feels something deep sadness or something like that, he answers that I'm being stupid or I don't even feel like those. Mom cares about him so much. Her favoritism it too obvious, whenever I would try to talk her, she just rolls her eyes and just blankly ask me what I need from her. I can't even understand why she's so protective, I already know the do's  and don'ts when I'm outside school and I follow them completely. My family's teases come more out like insults, which I try not to take in deeply. I'm eventually crying when typing this because I can't take it anymore.

I was told to let out my feelings by a friend who's experiencing issues like me but she has worse. You guys don't have to worry about me much. As for my writing I will update soon or later. I'm also trying to get better with my emotions with help from my friends who are also currently feeling this as well as those who succeeded from it before. So I hope you guys are doing well, wherever you are. And stay safe!!