I am not afraid of much in this world, but theres a few things that scares the shit out of me. Like dying alone, never having that meaning to someone, that no one will miss me, dying lonely. The thought of getting old and disabled, not being able to wipe my own butt, take my own showers, make my own food and live at a home for old people. Even demenzia is a scary thought, and to be honest, i hope i dont get a 100 years old, i hope i die before i will really feel the full impact of meaninglessness. Im scared to get old, im scared, cause i know already now, i do not wish to live that long, i do not wish to see my kids turn 80, i do not wish to sit in a wheelchair for 20 years of my life, and maybe even more, that way id rather be dead.
What else scares me? Not being able to have kids is one thing, im scared that ill be wanting this thing so much, and out of those million woman who can, ill be the one who cant have kids. I cant help it, thats just how my mind works. Im afraid ill end up alone, cause no one will wanna marry a woman who cant have kids. Im afraid my boyfriend cant get kids too. Cause i know its something i want and need to have, and i want the experience of being pregnent myself, but what if he cant? What am i supposed to do? I cant leave him, cause i would have wanted him to stay, and cause i love him, but i would be forever unhappy. What is really the right decision to make?
Im afraid ill get divorced. Im very old fashion, and i hope that the guy ill lose my virginity to, is the guy ill marry and have kids with. I know thats most likely not to happen in the world we live in today, but i then hope i at least will only get married once. If that doesnt work, i honestly dont think i can believe in love, it already seems hopeless.
Im afraid ill get stuck in the meaninglessness, and get a life i dont want. Have a profession that eats me up inside, a life that slowly kills me. Im afraid to be normal and boring, and have the same rythme every single day, 365 days a year for who knows how many years itll be. Im afraid ill feel like ive wasted time, that i could have used it elsewhere on something that would have made me happier. Im afraid ill regret.
All these things im afraid off seems so big, and i know one day ill be forced to face them, god i wish my only fears were spiders, and supernatural beings. but the truth is, im scared off forever.
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Imperfections
Teen FictionI had always been bad at making decisions, if it was what kinda cake we should buy, what do wear, how prioritise, or if it was smart or dumb to buy a new iPhone. I always came to some sorta solution though, wether it was the right one or the wrong o...
