Weird Feelings (Phan)

Chapter 14

Dan-

It's been about 6 hours since I've left Phil. I went to a hotel and stayed there.

How could I do that to him? It wasn't his fault, he was the one who wanted to wait. But It's my fault, I was the one who thought it was a good idea when I knew what everyone really thought about us.

And I will never forgive myself for hurting him. But I have to let go... For now at least.

It's 4 am. I'm not tired, I'm not hungry either. I'm just... I can't believe myself. I'm so selfish, I've actually hurt the person I never wanted to hurt. Ever.

Maybe I should end it all. That'll make people listen. It'll make people realize what they're doing.

So do I just take down the video and tie up a rope? Maybe.

What if someone hears me? What if it doesn't work and I'll just be left dangerously hurt.

Whatever, I just need to get the point across that I love Phil. Everyone should be able to love who they want. It may not always work in some scenarios but that's life. My life.

I opened the hotel room door, I walked in with a bag of 10ft long rope.

So it's actually happening. I hate to say this but I've been waiting so long for this day. And I've finally been triggered to do so.

I closed the door behind me and made my way to the living room, underneath the ceiling fan.

My uncle taught me how to tie a noose before, I was young but I've been practising.

I hung up the rope and dragged a chair from the dining room. I set it right underneath the noose.

This was the moment I've been expecting the most tears, but I've cried myself dry. I'm emotionless right now. If anything I'm eager to do this.

I can't wait.

I got up on the chair and put the rope around my neck.

This is it. I'm so sorry Phil, I don't mean to hurt you, but this is the best way to make people realize that we are our own people, we should do what we want and we don't need their permission.

Booked our flights those years ago

I said I loved you as I left you

Regrets still haunt my hollow head

But I promise you

That I will see you again.

Instead of jumping off the chair, I kicked it from underneath me. It hit the wall across from me and I was gone.

Olivia-

Boom!

What the fuck was that? I jumped off the couch and ran into the hall.

I knocked furiously on my neighbours door. Yeah the noise came from here.

Knock knock knock.

No answer.

Knock knock knock.

No answer again.

I grabbed the door knob, it was unlocked. Should I go in? To late. I screamed as I saw a boy hanging from the ceiling fan. A chair looks like it had been thrown against my wall.

I ran over and pulled the rope off the fan and he fell to the floor.

I threw the rope off his neck and checked his pulse.