Teen Wolf: All Grown Up

23. Direction

I don't know why I felt different after the death of Matt. I didn't feel bad about my participation. Why should I? I've always killed monsters. Matt was just that. A monster.

There was something that put me off. Something that didn't sit well with me. That same dull ache from my mothers funeral had re-emerged and found it's way to my heart. I felt bad for ending somethings life. Even if it is the man who was creeping on my cousin. Was it because I didn't have control? Was I just doing it because of Gerard's orders? Is Gerard really trust worthy? Actually. No. Gerard is not trust worthy.

The time after Matt's death I didn't know what to do with myself. Issac and I went for drives. Neither of us wanted to talk about what happened. We were satisfied with the sound of the engine and the open road. Dull muddy roads bordered by sharp-green trees.

I think Issac was just happy to get away from all the issues of the town for a bit. There was nothing sexual between us as there had been in the past. There was a mutual trust, respect.

During these long drives, Victoria was on my mind. Well, not her specifically, her final words to me.

To feel? But to feel is to be vulnerable.

It was alien to me. The concept of feeling. I was learning things though. Perhaps that's why the dull sting was there.

I had to say I was confused when Issac said he wanted to go to the veterinarian clinic, I know I always called werewolves dogs but they can't serious go to the vets for a check up?

Issac soon informed me that Scott worked there and his boss was in the know about the crazy world we lived in.

When I first met the man he looked at me in a confused manner. Then upon hearing my last name he was intrigued that I was spending time with Issac despite the fact that my family wanted to kill Derek.

He took kindly to me however and welcomed me in. Still giving me this odd glare.

Deaton however quickly moved his attention to Issac about the sick dog on the table. Talking about how it wasn't getting better. And that how Issac and Scott as wolves could smell if an animal was or wasn't getting better.

However, when Deaton asked for Issac's hand I knew exactly what he was going to do. Issac was going to take away the animals pain.

He seemed so emotional after he had done so. He started to well up so he turned to me and hugged me. I reciprocated the hug, not entirely expecting it. I just allowed Issac to cry on my shoulder with happiness.

"Don't worry" Scott beamed. "The first time he showed me I cried too".

Issac broke our hug which I strangely enjoyed. And started speaking to Scott.

"They're leaving tonight during the game" he said in a confused tone.

Scott seemed as equally puzzled as I did, "why're you telling me?"

Issac slightly shook his head. "I'm not telling you, I'm asking you. Both of you. I'm asking for both of your advice"

"From me? Why?" Scott questioned.

"Because I trust you".

Scott arched an eyebrow. "Why?".

Issac looked genuine and serious. "Because you always wanna seem to do the right thing"

I look even more puzzled then Scott. "And you trust me because? Beginning of the year I slashed your chest"

Deaton was now interested in Issac's response.

"You've had so many changes to kill us all. Me, Derek. The whole pack. You knew where our hideout was. However you didn't tell your own family because you made a promise to a friend. Let's say I trust you from instinct".

Scott busts into the conversation again. "Issac, I usually have no idea what I'm doing, actually I always have no idea what I'm doing". The young wonky jaw boy ended dropping his head a little.

"You wanna tell me what you're doing right now?" Issac asked Scott in response.

Scott raised his head a little to reply to Issac. "I'm not going anywhere if that's what you mean. I have too many people here who need me".

Issac looked at me.

I sighed. "There's still business I need to tend to, I too have people who need me. I'll be here for while". I'm all honesty I haven't thought about much after that. I had lost all direction.

"Well I guess that makes me lucky because I don't have anyone" Issac said.

My heart dropped a little as he said that. He had really lost everyone.

Scott stepped towards him in a supportive way. "You gonna go with them?".

Issac lightly nods. "Yeah I think I will". Issac concludes. "Good luck with the game".

"I'm not going either, can't even think about playing some meaningless game right now" Scott admitted. I couldn't blame him. I couldn't think straight either.

"You weren't at practice last week were you?" Issac directed towards Scott.

"No I missed it, why?"

Issac's eyes widened. "And you didn't hear?".

"Hear what?" I asked the beta.

"Jackson was there".

My eyes widened. "What do you mean there?"

"As if nothing had happened" Issac replied.

Scott stepped forward again. "That means the game tonight..."

"Yeah he's playing" Issac finished.

"Scott" I turned to the beta. "I know you're going to go tonight. Just know, I have your back".

Scott gazed at me hesitantly, but acknowledged me nonetheless and nodded.

As I went to leave Deaton asked Issac to wait for me in the car as he wanted to speak to me alone.

"You're different Atticus"

Different? This man had just met me. In what way could I possibly be considered different.

Following my screwed up face, the vet elaborated.

"I see the hunter in you. The emotional disconnect, the scars and the physique. However, I want to ask you if you're okay with what you're doing?" Deaton asked openly.

I chewed my gum for a second thinking about what I wanted to say. "No. I've had enough of killing, especially if the people I'm now surrounded with will look down on me for it" I took a minute to compose myself. "I think I've finally found somewhere I can settle down. Train. Have a career"

Deaton was interested. "What do you want to do?"

"I spent my whole life killing, I want to save lives. I want to be a doctor" I said with the numerous people I've killed flashing through my eyes. I've killed more werewolves than times I've seen my own mother.

"I want you to take this" Deaton dusted off this book he pulled from out of a satchel bag. "Read this. All of it. Once you're done, come talk to me"

Reluctantly, I took the book from him and thanked him for it.

"And Atticus" he stopped me before I had a chance to leave. "Talk to Miss McCall next time you see her, like me to Scott, maybe she'll be willing to extend an olive branch".