Unconditionally

26

Christmas time in London was definitely an experience that Victoria had never expected. They went everywhere and Tom's enthusiasm was so contagious she couldn't help but feel the happiness that finally started to seep in. She wasn't sure if it was the winter wonderland at hyde park or at the nutcracker ballet but soon enough she started to feel like herself. By the time they went to Hogwarts in the snow she was back in love with her sweet and handsome frost giant. It was somewhere between their visit to covet garden and Christmas afternoon tea with his family that she gathered the courage to snap a picture of him and make her first post back on social media since the fallout. Tom in a Christmas crown green cable knit sweater and laughter on his face the caption simple 'Happiest Christmas with the man I love.' she tagged him in the picture and waited. She was sitting across from him at his Mum's house with his family all around. She had been joining in the conversation and laughter with all, they had taken her in like she was always one of their own. Soon enough Tom pulled out his phone to look at the notification of her post and it many comments and likes. He stared at his picture and caption and looked up to see her staring at him intently sweet smile on her lips. He wanted to take her home in this very moment and ravish her. She was finally his something he had thought would never happen, he knew that the roots that loved Henry would be hard to kill. He smiled and stood to walk to her and kiss her softly. He soon excused them stating a headache and headed out the door after much time with his family. Once in the car she turned to him and laughed. "Did you just get us out of there because of my post?" he laughed "Victoria, I have waited so long for you to love me that I will not wait a second longer now that you do. I want to celebrate our love alone, in the confines of our bedroom with nothing between us just you and I our hearts in sync." He caressed her cheek his touch soft and loving. "I love you Tom, take me home" He nodded putting the car in gear. 

They arrived home in record time and spent most of their night wrapped up in each other. Soon Tom's soft snores filled the darkness as Vic sobbed silently. Everything in her screamed and ached for the one he heart wanted. Even in this moment and even after they sweet gesture her heart and mind wandered back to her forbidden lover. Wrapped up in Tom's arms she wanted to find her happiness and she was trying at all cost to move through the motions of someone that was moving on but even as she hit every relationship milestone she knew that it was just a façade. A lie that she was feeding not only herself but Tom. She didn't want to, she hated herself for what she was doing to him and at this very moment she realized how big of a mistake she had made. She moved slowly not to wake the sweet man next to her. Quickly and quietly she dressed, grabbed her bag and walked to the door of bedroom. He should have known she thought as she turned to see him sleeping peacefully. He should have seen the signs, her lack of belonging in his home. The fact that their relationship leaped into overdrive on a weekly basis as she found the will to continue once again. She closed her eyes and spilt more tears for Tom. She opened the door and left it open as she walked through it. She grabbed her bag with her few belongings and went to the front door. She thought about a note but knew that even that was just not good enough. It should be face to face but as always the coward in her wouldn't let her. It was too much and it was her fault. She walked out the door locking it on her way out to ensure she wouldn't come back. It was the dead of night when she made her way down the dark London street. She reached a spot and found a cab to take her to hotel. Once in her hotel room she sighed relieved and called Ana. "Vic, are you ok" she said as she realized that it was day time in the states. "I left Tom" she said in response. Cold, detached and matter of fact. Ana sighed "Come home, Vic you need to be home." Victoria nodded like Ana could see her. "I am, I am booking a flight right now, I should be home within the next day. I wanted you to know in case Tom calls. I left him in the middle of the night, no note nothing. I am such a piece of shit" Ana sighed "Vic..." "And you know what's worse? I gave him hope.. false hope." Ana shook her head "I saw the post and wondered about it" Vic growled "What am I doing Ana? What the HELL is wrong with me that I can't make it work with a kind sweet gorgeous man like Tom? WHY?" Vic walked to the mini bar grabbing what she could find, grabbing her laptop and making her way to the bed. She opened her laptop to book a flight and the mini bottle of vodka. "Are you drinking?" Ana asked "No" Vic lied. "Victoria be careful, don't ruin your sobriety for one emotional set back." Vic finished the mini bottle in record time and threw it on the ground "Too late sister see you a day or so" Victoria hung up and proceeded to call room service and order more liquor. She would forget this day and the ones before tonight. She was a coward and she deserved to drown in her own self pity. 

A few hours later she awoke to a raging headache. She was tucked in to her bed in the hotel. As she sat up taking in her surroundings the headache and her confusing increased. She clearly remembered the drinking and the mess she made and yet it was all clean and in order. She looked down and saw that she was in shorts and a tee that she was not wearing previously and her hair was pulled back in a pony tail that she didn't remember making. On the night stand some Tylenol, water and a note. 'take the meds, drink water, eat and go home.' she picked up the note and sobbed. It smelled like him and she realized slowly that his scent was next to her. Again even after it all Henry saved her from herself. 'Ana' she thought. as the tears fell again. How was he still saving her even after it all. She kept hurting herself and now she had nothing else but herself to blame. She took the pills and drank the water. Showered, gathered her things and checked out of the hotel. She didn't see him as she walked by her head still pounding as the meds tried to work through her system. He watched her beautiful and defiant after her fall. She was a phoenix rising from the ashes of her flame. She was her own worst enemy and she would burn her life to the ground but she would always rise from the ashes to start again. Ana had called him and he had rushed to her finding her already intoxicated and manic. He watched her making sure she didn't hurt herself but letting her mania take her hostage for release. He would always save her, even from herself because his love for her was too grand, too big for even him to stay away.