A step beyond the line

17. life sucks and its okay..

      
                    💜 17th of November 2020💜

It had just started drizzling when Imani bid farewell to the duo and  made it to the bus stand Muradh was supposed to pick her up from..

Within mere seconds the drizzle strengthened into a down pour and Imani was drenched to her skin. Covering herself as much as possible she ran towards the entrance of the nearby restaurant where many others have sought shelter in too..

She shook her waist long hair to get rid of the rain drops accumulated, when her eyes landed on a father daughter duo  huddled in a corner.. the father though sloping wet himself was trying his best to dry the girl's hair with an almost damp hanky while the little girl shook away his hand defiantly, her expression eager to get back in her rain. The father whispered something in the girl's ear which made her burst into laughter and scoot closer to him while she hugged him tight.

With an uninvited smile making way to her lips,  she turned her gaze back to the splattering rain.

Her heart suddenly felt overwhelmed and a damp feeling settled over her veins, arousing feelings she long considered dead, feelings she was ashamed to admit of nevertheless they persisted..

She missed her dad.. more like the likeable fragments of him.

All her life she had wondered how it would be to be under control rather to be in control. Many would find it absurd but therein many didn't live her life.. she was made to strive since the tender age of 5, struggled to make herself a place that she overlooked the fact in the process of finding one she was losing herself..

Her head incessantly buzzed with this or that from the moment she opened her eyes to the moment she closed them late at night.

People called her overthinking but in reality  if she didnt think she would drown.. so strong are the currents wanting her  to succumb that she had to fight her whole her  life to stay at bay..

She was free in person but chained in thoughts, in responsibilities and she yearned for freedom with all her might..

Amidst all the struggles and trouble she won and considering how far she had journeyed from the little girl to the woman she is now..
During her lowest, her worst.. she couldn't help but give in to the thought that if her dad was himself and not the scary person he turned out to be then she might have had lead a typical life and not sport these scars she is adorned with..
Maybe she would have been a different person on a different journey with a loving and supporting father.. and all tiny  particles in her heart combusted in such a yearning like she had never felt before..

"After all this time would you still want that Imani?" a meek voice within her resonated to her sudden outburst..

"No" she agreed.. she was given a dagger sporting a weight she could hardly manage,  before she could even walk and was pushed into the battle arena and was expected to fight..unexpectedly she become so good in battling demons that she'd slay demons that grown ups shrivel away from..
She needed that training and her fate  made sure she received them. And realization hit her hard that she would gladly leave it at that and not wish otherwise..
Some wounds apparently run so deep that no amount of repercussions could even mar the bleed let alone heal the  wounds..

"Allah was and always in control bubbles and that's what matters .." she heard Muradh's voice and jerked.. she hastily looked around but no Muradh was to be found anywhere..

"Since when did you sound like him" she questioned her conscience half amused and half annoyed..and she felt her conscience give her a sheepish grin in reply..