Chasing My Dreams (Dream Series #1)

CHAPTER THIRTHY-SEVEN:

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Ayaw ko ngang makipag-usap, ano ba!" inis na sabi ko. "Bakit ba kasi ikaw, nakikipag-usap doon sa lalaki na yon?!" sigaw niya sa 'kin pabalik. "Bakit ba! Ano ba'ng problema sa pakikipag-usap doon?!" sabi ko sa kaniya. "Ano ba kasi! Let me go, Cy!"

"Puro ka 'let me go!' Ayoko nga! Ilang beses ko bang uulitin sa 'yo!" sigaw niya sa 'kin. Kita ko ang pamumula ng mukha niya natahimik ako. "Mau, please, hayaan mo akong mahalin ka hanggang sa mapagod ako." nakayukong sabi niya sa 'kin. Napatingin ako sa kaniya.

***

We were outside the hotel strolling until we stopped at a park. Habang nag-i-stargazing kami dito sa labas, nagulat ako sa pagsalita ni Cy. "Why did you leave when I needed you?" tanong niya sa 'kin habang nakatingin sa mga star.

"Why did I leave you? Because that was the finest decision I would have ever made," I responded.

"I know it didn't end well for us. I'm sure there were honest words spoken in fury that eventually pierced our skins, causing us both to agree to part ways. It drove us completely away from one another. We've been strangers since that day. We pretended not to know each other. I had evenings when I regretted it, and there were moments when I was holding myself back to preserve what little dignity I had left.

"There were times when I despised the day I met you for the first time. When it comes to you, my mind has never been fixed. But the lengthy quiet was now so deafening that we felt it was the end of everything. That's when I understood our love was more than simply terrible days. For once, you performed better me. I just wanted to thank you for being there for me when I had no one else to turn to. I wanted to thank you for making me happy at the very least.

"That last night left us with nothing but wounds and profound regret that forgiveness was simply too costly for any of us to afford. But I wanted to thank you for providing me wonderful mornings and nice evenings where I felt important or remembered. I never completely erased you from my mind. You're still here, and you still have that somber spot in my heart; it's just that I can't remain there for too long. Maybe it was just that—"some of the finest starts often result in tragic endings," I lamented as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Mau, do you know what I mean? I'm still into you, and I still adore you," he stated. "I know you still love me, Cy. I'm not numb, but I'm terrified because what if I make you worse?"

"Alam mo ano 'yong masakit, Mau? Masakit doon sa part na sinukuan mo 'ko," he replied. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. "Never kitang sinukuan, Cy. Nandoon ako at lagi akong nandito sa lahat ng natatanggap mong opportunity. I will always support what you want. You know what, Cy? I'm always proud of you. You are my ulitimate dream, and you are my ideal man, pero hindi palagi na nandito ako para sa 'yo. You can choose a better person," I said. "Did you wait for me?" I asked afterwards.

"Yes," he replied.

"Why?" I asked him again. "Because that's what people do for someone they truly love and they don't want to lose . . ." He answered her with a smile on his face then continued, ". . . They wait."

"Thank you. I'm sorry for keeping you wait." I apologized. "No worries. I will always wait for you, no matter what. Remember that." He said. I smiled to him. I'm lucky that I have Cyril. "Cy, I can't stay longer in Manila," mahinang sabi ko sa kaniya, pero ramdam ko ang pagtitig niya sa 'kin.

"Why?" tanong niya sa 'kin.

"You know, Cy, accept the job, okay? Don't sacrifice your job for me," I told him

."I will sacfrice everything, Mau, just come back to me," he said. "I can't, Cy. I can't," sabi ko habang umiiyak. "Ayoko dahil sa 'kin masisisra buhay mo. Ayoko. Mahal kita, pero hindi ko kayang makita na masira ang buhay mo dahil sa 'kin." Nagulat ako nang yakapin niya ako. I miss his scent. He is my comforter. Hindi ko alam ang pakiramdam ko, pero no'ng niyakap niya ako, doon bumuhos lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.