Once A Fangirl

Chapter 5

Concert Ticket

I once asked mom about my condition. Ang sabi nya ay himala daw ang nangyari sa'kin. Nasagasaan ako ng isang sasakyan pero mabuti raw at kaagad akong sinugod sa hospital. Ang sabi ay nakapagpreno naman daw kahit paano bago ako nabangga kaya hindi ganoon kalakas ang tama ng ulo ko sa sementadong kalsada. Mas napuruhan ang katawan ko and thank God kasi bugbog at mga pasa lang at hindi naman nabalian. I dunno how to say and explain it. A miracle indeed.

And about the car who hit me, huminto naman raw at ang nagmaneho mismo ang nagdala sa akin sa hospital. I thought my parents paid for my hospital bills and all, but it was actually that man who run over me. Dad said it's me who'll decide if I'm going to sue him or what. I was just waiting for his sincere apology though pero hindi pa pinahihintulutan ng parents ko dahil sa kondisyon ko. Hindi hangga't hindi ko raw sinasabi. Not yet. But sure, I'll let him apologize. Kailangan ko pa ng kaunting time.

Lumipas pa ang isang linggo. Sa buong linggong iyon ay ginugol ko sa pagsuri sa mga gamit sa aking kwarto. Kahit ang mga gadgets ko ay puno ng BTS. May mga informations rin na bigla-bigla lang na pumapasok sa isip ko at lahat ng iyon ay tungkol sa idolo ko.

“I remember what you told me about them. You said that the group is not just an artist, they are a movement.” ani Kaye isang araw nang maabutan nya akong tinitignan ang mga gamit rito sa room ko.

It's like... I'm starting all over again. Back to zero.

“I even asked you once. ‘Why do you listen to BTS and their music?’, alam mo kung anong sagot mo?” nakangiti nya akong binalingan. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya at hinihintay ang susunod nya pang sasabihin. “You answered, ‘Sa mga naririnig kong kanta nowadays, not generalizing pero halos tungkol sa babae, lalake, parties and all. But you see, there's BTS teaching me how to speak and love myself.’” she continued while imitating my voice. I don't even remember a bit of it.

Unti-unti kong naiintindihan kung bakit naging idol ko sila. I searched for their songs and the story behind it. It talked about mental and social issues, depression and anxiety. Lyrics with a strong message, it is.

“You know KPop?” basa ko sa nakasulat sa isang pahina ng notebook na nakita ko lang sa study table,“Please come to our concert,” it was quoted by JK? “No money, yeah free.”

Parang habang iniisa-isa kong inaalam ang lahat, nagiging fan na naman ako. They are more than an artist. I know that now.

‘BTS came from a small company.’ nabasa ko yan sa isang link na binuksan ko.

I searched more and found out that they really are not afraid to talk about social issues and mental health in their songs.

‘I have a long way to go but why am I running in place?
I scream out of frustration but the empty air echoes
I hope tomorrow will be different from today
I’m just wishing’

It was a lyrics from their song ‘Tomorrow’.

I get why most people like and adore them. The biggest reason is that they can relate to almost every song of BTS. I know because me myself can relate to almost all of it.

‘At times I’m scared of myself too
Thanks to the depression that takes over me
And all my self hatred’

‘The Last’ of Agust D allowed fans to relate to his personal experiences in life.

The meanings were so deep. Na kahit hindi mo pa sila nakikita o nakikilala sa personal, o i-search ang struggles nila bago narating kung ano mang meron sila ngayon, sa liriko pa lang malalaman mo na ang mga pinagdaanan nila. If you want to know them more, just go search for the english lyrics of their songs. Promise, it will be worth it.

May nabasa pa ako about sa album nilang Love Yourself : Her. The member Suga explained, ‘It’s about how our young generation are living their lives with low expectations and standards so people are upset with reality; they have little hope and there’s so much economic hardship. We wanted to say something about it and emphasise to the world that it’s not their choice, but brutal reality that forces people to live and spend as if there’s no future.’

It is youth dealing with harsh reality. We can all relate to that.

Way back then, I thought some of my classmates stanned K-Pop because it brought them to something like fantasy. I never thought someone like BTS, who would give you reality instead.

I realized that stanning BTS is not just about listening to their music and admiring them, it's more about learning from them.

And above all, what made me smile and inspire was their strong connection to their fans— A.R.M.Y. BTS struggled a lot in the past years, not just them but also their fans, perhaps why BTS and ARMY have a strong relationship with each other. They really love their dearest Adorable Representative M.C for Youth. ‘Special thanks to our biggest voice, ARMY.’ Darn! It touched my heart.

Being a fan doesn't mean it's bad. An idol in a certain way is also a strong agent that motivates people to forge ahead. And that's what BTS and their music has been doing for seven years now.

Nahagip ng tingin ko ang isang sling bag na nakasabit sa tabi ng closet. Nilapitan ko iyon at binuksan. May mga papel sa loob. But what caught my attention was that thick paper. Kinuha ko yun at tinignan. It's a ticket. A concert ticket. I quickly looked for my phone and checked the date. And God! The concert will happen two weeks from now! Goodness!