New York, Chicago

Chapter 6: Please, let me see her

It's our last day in Chicago. I head to the 21st district by myself. I set up an appointment with Jay and went over some files while we were still in New York. Making my way to the front desk, I tell Trudy good morning and I ask if Jay is in. "He sure is kiddo, I'll take you up there."

Making my up with Trudy, I'm so ready to get everything behind me. In my hands, I have the same bookbag I had on me the day mom rescued me. Reaching Jay, we get right into everything that I sent. At first, no one believed me when I said I haven't looked at this stuff since I was 4.

"I promise guys on everything, I haven't looked at this stuff. The box I sent over has evidence of everything my mom ever did to me. In this bookbag, the only thing I can remember about is, is that there is a manilla folder in here and my biological mothers' name is April. I was too young to read and understand any of it. If I needed to use the information, I always had someone read it for me. Jay, I swear to you, before last week when I sent the box, this stuff had been sitting in the basement collecting dust. It's been over 10 years and I'm finally ready to know about my family"

"I believe you, Anna, I do" I leave everything with Jay and told him to contact my mom when they found everything out. I don't want to know anything until the whole puzzle has been put together. Burgess and Rowan gave me a ride to the airport and escorted me back to mom and Noah.

——

2 Months Later

It's 10 am on a Saturday Morning. These are the only two days in the summer that I'm not with the BAU. This weekend is bittersweet to me so every year, I sit at home, in silence, and overthink how years prior on the same two days, I went through hell.

It's July 15. On July 15, and July 16, twelve years prior, I was almost raped and kidnapped. My mother would have done anything to get high, even if that meant giving up the one thing that shouldn't have been her choice to give up for me. Olivia and her former partner Elliot saved me. Uncle Finn carried me out and to safety.

I could never thank them enough for what they did for me. I had a tough time the first couple of years, but things always got better. Uncle Finn taught mom how to do my hair and me and her really bonded over it. She never got mad or irritated that my hair would take so long. My mom could have just permed my hair from a young age, but she taught me that my hair was beautiful and unique and no other race could replicate it.

I concentrate enough to hear yelling going on downstairs. I'm praying Noah is still sound asleep. I'm not sure who is arguing with my mom, but after my name is called, I decided to pay close attention.

"You can't just come here, say that she's your daughter, and your granddaughter, and ask me to give up half of my whole world to you"

"Just please, let me see her"

I make my way to the top of the stairs "mommy, what's going on?" I slowly walk down to see Kelly Serveride and Hank Voight standing in our Den.

"Anna, just go back to sleep, we can handle this on Monday okay baby?" Confusion wipes over their faces. My guess is that they want to know why 48 hours has to pass before the truth can be outed.

There is a reason I shut down only two days a year. No therapy session can help me, and I'm okay with that. I turn around and head straight to my room.

Heading for my walk-in closet; I shut the door behind me and turn on my speaker. Blasting NF and curling into a ball on the floor, I feel the vibrations from the bass of the song and I get lost in the words that feel so true to me.

I yell, scream, holler, throw stuff, break a few things, and even cry. The frustration that I feel from the nightmares I had for years after that weekend. Then fear I felt years following my mother's arrest. The fact that I was too scared to even go within feet of anyone- man or woman.

The flashbacks cause me so much trauma. I think back to how my trauma had to be given names instead of levels or numbers.

If my trauma is ever Molly, it takes me two to three weeks to recover. If it's ever Rachel, it could take me up to a week to recover. But if I ever get to Heather, you're looking at MONTHS until I recover. The last time my trauma was ever Heather was when I first got to stay with Olivia. My trauma is never a physical thing, it's always been my mental state of mind.

After physically having a meltdown, the mental part always came. I slowly walk to my Rocking chair that is pointed to the window, as I sit there, I am hit with flashes of what happened that day.

——

I'm waking up to screaming and things shattering around me. My mom isn't in my eyesight view, it's dark out. I notice that I'm in someone's car. Then, I'm being pulled out of the car. "Mommy! Where's my mommy!" Someone smacks me across the face, "I'm April to you bitch! Get up and act like you are your father! Scold at me like your grandfather! That's all your ever good for" 

April starts to wobble around. She's drunk drunk this time. April starts to scratch her skin and walk around. I stay in the same spot I always do when we are here. Some of the guys have tried to talk to me, take me, or even hold me. But April was always in her right mind to tell them no. I always got punished for it though. Some man walks up to April, "Where's the money April?" She starts to whine and tried to hug the man "I don't have any right now Ash, what else's can I give you?"

His eyes dart over to me "The girl" April looks over to me. Was she really going to give me up? I clutch the bag around my shoulders harder and start to sing. "Deal" Next thing I know, I'm being yanked up and thrown over someone's shoulder.

"No! No! Please let me go! April! Mommy! Where is he taking me!" April doesn't say anything, she just watches me leave. Going around the corner, the man is punched and I'm being carefully put into the hands of a woman, she smiles down at me, holding me gently in her arms "Hey sweetheart, I'm Olivia, I promise you I will take good care of you, okay?"

I rest my head on her shoulder. She whispers sweet things into my ear and sings a song that is now my favorite in the world "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take, my sunshine away." As Olivia finishes, I see April walk by handcuffed.

"Bye April"

——

Mom comes into my room, and helps me back to the bed. She lays with me, holding me close, and sings the same song she sung the first time I lead my head on her shoulder and took in her scent.

"You are my sunshine, my only Sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you'll never know dear. How much I love you, please don't take, my sunshine away."

I cuddle up to my mom and lay my head on her shoulder the same way I did that night. She kisses the top of my head, "I'll be right here when you wake up baby."

I rub my hands around in a circle on her arm. I hold on to her tight, fearing that if I loosen her grip, I'll lose her forever. But I know she won't leave me.  "I love you mama"