New York, Chicago

Extra Chapter #3: Blue

It's been two weeks since Shay passed. It's hit me hard, but my dad the hardest. We can't do anything together anymore.

It was always: Kelly, Elizabeth, and Shay. We were inseparable. We were his two favorite girls, and she was the mom I never knew I needed.

I haven't seen my dad since the day at the hospital. I'm too afraid that he will lash out, or even say something he doesn't mean.

We are all dealing with this differently, but we all need each other right now.

I want you, I'll colour me blue
Anything it takes to make you stay
Only seeing myself
When I'm looking up at you

Knocking on his apartment door, I heard him moving around, but he won't come to the door. "Open up dad, please" I didn't notice how strained my voice was until Blue-Jay rubbed against my leg.

All your lights are red, but I'm green to go
Used to see you high, now you're only low
All your lights are red but I'm green to go

Coming to the door, his eyes are puffy. The once arrogant man that I learn to love, was now hurt beyond repair. The man who swore to protect me, now needs me to protect his heart.

I don't say anything as I walk in. I sit on the couch, and I watch him go back to what he was doing. He just happened to be placing everything into boxes.

I can't say no
Though the lights are on there's nobody home
Swore I'd never lose control
Then I fell in love with a heart that beats so slow

"You want some help dad?" Shaking his head, I sigh and get up. The only room that hasn't been touched is Shay's.

Slowly opening the door, I am hit with the smell of her perfume. Her room is just like she left it. Bed not made, clothes laid out, and pictures of her, my dad, and I on her dresser. I take a box and sit it in the middle of her floor.

Where would this stuff go? Who would keep it? We couldn't just trash it. Would we put it into a storage unit?

I want you, I'll colour me blue
Anything it takes to make you stay
Only seeing myself
When I'm looking up at you

I hear my dad walk into the room. He sits next to me on the floor. Not saying anything, we just look around the room. Remembering that less than three weeks ago, we were in here with Shay.

"I'm moving in with Matt and Dawson, I can't stay here without her anymore" upset that the last place where my godmother lived will soon not be available for me to come back to, I let out sobs.

Scared to move on from her, scared to leave this room and never see life from here again.

Scared to one day wake up and feel as if Shay was nothing but a dream.

I grab her clothes and place them on the floor to fold. Putting some clothes aside to keep, I fold the clothes in peace while my dad watches.

When it came time to clean her dresser, I'm reminded of the pictures of the last full month I spent with her.

Me, her, and Matt went camping for a week to really bond. We talked about them coming to my jacketing ceremony for my letterman. We planned a shopping day for next week. I place all pictures, jewelry, and other sentinels in a separate box.

"Why are we doing this? Placing her life into boxes? I want her here with us daddy" placing my head into my hands, I feel my dad bring me into his arms, "I know princess, I want her here as well. But, we gotta keep going, for her. We gotta be strong, for her"

I know you're seeing black and white
So I'll paint you a clear blue sky
Without you I am colour-blind
It's raining every time I open my eyes

"It's not fair! Why her? Why did she have to go?" Softly letting out my pain, I allow my dad to sit me on her bed. "You know how you always tell me 'everything happens for a reason'. Well, you need to remember that right now. It was her time to go. She did everything she was supposed to, she needed to go be with God sweetheart. Know that she is looking over us, watching out for us, and yelling at us from about when we do stupid stuff. She's right up there with grandma, she's in no pain" smiling at his attempt to cheer me up, I allow my dad to finish his big speech

"Shay will always be in your heart, she will always be in my heart. She'll never be replaced. She'll always be your godmother, remember that. Remember the good times' sweetheart, because there are a lot of them"

I know you're seeing black and white
So I'll paint you a clear blue sky
Without you I am colour-blind
It's raining every time I open my eyes

I unwrap myself from my dad's arms to finish packing up the one woman who was honest with me things. Remembering the house in the Calabasas "when you move out of here, can we go to the house she left me?"

Nodding, my dad helps me tape the last box. "We can leave Friday and stay for three weeks. I took a lot of time off." Walking out of her room, we head down to the living room.

I want you, I'll colour me blue
Only seeing myself
When I'm looking up at you
When I'm looking up at you

I want you, I'll colour me blue
Anything it takes to make you stay (Anything it takes to make you stay)
Only seeing myself
When I'm looking up at you (When I'm looking up at you)

Sitting down on the couch, we watch the Blackhawks game. "Before we go, we have to clear it with your grandfather" Knowing good and well that my grandfather will not say yes, I lay my head into my dad's chest

"Well, on that note, I'm gonna go ahead and let you know that he won't agree to it"

"I think he will, once he sees how good it will be for the both of us. I promise we won't just pack up Shays's life and put it in a storage unit princess. Her sister will come and get most of her things, and we'll keep what we can. But you know where she'll always be."

Pointing to my heart, it feels like just yesterday we were doing this with her beside us, "my heart"