The Lies Hidden In Our Vows (Jungkook ff)

Chapter Seven ≈ The One Who Wears The Crown, Bears The Crown ≈

I felt dead inside. My tongue felt dry. My throat felt as if someone thrust a handful of itching powder inside. My cheeks ached from the pain of trying to smile, the closest thing I had to a genuine smile for the past couple of hours. Sitting on the bloody velvet throne, embroidered with pure gold at the back of the ballroom, I watched Jungkook as he greeted and smiled at the occasional onlookers from the floor beneath the marble steps, sitting on the throne beside me. My nose scrunched a bit like the smell of wine and fresh pastries wandered through the room. My eyes lingered on the men and women dancing, laughing, and chatting in small groups. Inconsequent polite conversations hummed through the brightly lit room, hearing the clinking of wine glasses every so often in the grand ballroom. There were too many people in the room to count but I was the only one who sat alone, isolated with my menacing thoughts.

My heart felt heavy, this wave of emptiness washed over me as I longed for someone to talk to, someone who would listen. I felt so empty yet I was overflowing with emotions I couldn't even describe. The smallest things could have pushed me over the edge if I wanted them to.

What do you do when you're driving a nightmare that you couldn't even escape from, the only thing inside of you was pain and regret....I thought quietly.

Everything I was searching for only existed in my dreams... I dropped my head just a bit, picking at the golden nail polish layered over my nail, holding back the tears that threaten to fall.

How do you explain something you don't even understand?

..........

My dress shimmered under the light as his grip around my arm loosened, stepping past the grand wooden doors, out of Jin's piercing eyes. The classical music was only a faint echo as we walked across the glistening floor of the wedding reception hall. Guests were crowded around the foyer, gazing at our backs with emotions that I knew all too well. They didn't even bother to wear smiles that leaked of jealousy or annoyance but show it directly through their eyes. But it was almost over. The night was almost over. I would have never thought I would miss my old life so bad. At least in the past, I didn't have to feel like Alice in Wonderland, falling into an endless black hole, trying to grasp at something, anything... but only ended up with empty hands.

Watching my dress dance around me as I walked, my head hung low. I was tired. So fucking tired of this stupid game. I didn't want to be here anymore, I wanted to turn back time. I wanted to be in mama's arms, to feel the warmth of the only person that loved me. I wanted her. I needed her. But I knew not even a million words would bring her back, because I tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I cried. I cried for twelve years for her but she never showed up when I needed her most, she left me and failed to take me with her.

Walking down the large concrete steps which held a strip of a red fuzzy carpet, the same hue of the summer's deepest rose petals marking our path. A creamy vanilla Rolls-Royce awaited at the end of the steps in the setting heat of the late night. Jungkook untangled his arm from mine, making the warmth on the side of me disappear as he opened the passenger door. I try my best to slide in praying that I won't fall on my dress. I tucked the delicate pieces of fabric from my wedding dress inside the car before Jungkook could slam the door on it. He waved at the crowd, bidding his farewell as he walked over to the other side, slipping inside with ease. He pressed on the gas, making the engine roar back to life, eager to disappear from the piercing eyes of the guests.

The fake smile that was plastered on his face had vanished, along with the warmth in his eyes as we turned the block. The silence that had erupted inside the car was prodding at me, I tried to close my eyes but all I could envision was the fake smile printed on Jungkook's lips. He held that smile for hours, fooling everyone in the room, at points I would be one of them. I wonder how long it took for him to master it? What world he was hiding under that heart melting look? What I really meant was how many deaths were masked behind his perfectly lined teeth?