Trust Once Broken | SGA John Sheppard

0.95.0

Hello all! I hope you are all doing well and staying safe and healthy. Things are not great here right now, so it's a good time to stay home and get some serious writing done! Only 4 more days of NaNoWriMo!

Happy Reading!

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Sateda Cont
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The trip to Sateda on the Daedalus was going to take most almost a full day. John spent the first few hours anxiously pacing on the bridge before Caldwell pointedly suggested he try visiting the mess and maybe get something to eat.

John did as he suggested. He was antsy and on edge. He didn't like sitting still and knowing Kai and Ronon were out there being hunted even now made his stomach twist into knots. He sat down at a table in the empty mess and pulled out his handheld game hoping it would distract him.

He looked up as Teyla came into the mess hall. She glanced around, but there was no one else within earshot. He was mostly sure they weren't avoiding him.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Am I disturbing you?" she asked, her tone uncertain.

"No," John said putting his handheld aside with a frown. It was rare for Teyla to be uncertain, he wondered if he was being more of a crabby ass than he realized. "What's up?" he asked.

Teyla seemed strangely tense as she took the chair across from from him. "I just wanted to thank you," she said, folding her hands together on the table between them.

"For what?" John asked with a frown. He picked up his fork and took a bite of the food he had been ignoring.

Teyla gestured around them. "For going after Kai and Ronon this way."

"Did you think we wouldn't?" John asked taking a sip of coffee. He worked to keep his face carefully neutral. He had worked to keep his feelings about Kai private but some reason he had always thought Teyla suspected. Now he wasn't so sure.

Teyla worked her jaw as she carefully thought about her response. "They-we are outsiders," Teyla said.

"Not to me," John said with absolute sincerity as his hazel eyes burned with his conviction.

"I have often felt like an outsider among your people," Teyla confessed looking down at her hands. "I know Kai too has felt that way," she pushed. She didn't know if Ronon had ever felt that way, or if he cared one way or the other, but both she and Kai had been the target of hatred and accusations in the past. Teyla tried hard not to let it show, but there were days when staring straight into the eyes of the marines, knowing they might not trust her or have her back in the field was difficult to swallow.

"Well...maybe at first but...you know I've always trusted you," John said, swallowing as the conversation took a more serious tone. He wasn't one who liked to talk about his feelings, but he and Teyla had been friends for a long time. It rankled him that both Teyla and Kai still struggled to prove themselves. Both of them had out their lives on the line for Atlantis more times than he could count.

"Yes," Teyla agreed with a gracious bow of her head. "You and Doctor Weir have been very accepting. I know Kai and Ronon are of value to the expedition, but this has shown me how far you would go, even for someone not from your world."

John scowled at her words. He knew she meant them to be complimentary but they just didn't sit well with him. "Value," he muttered half under his breath. John shifted in his chair uncomfortably. "Look Teyla, I'm not really good at..." he dragged off not even sure where to begin explaining. "Actually I'm terrible at expressing...I don't know what you call it..." There was a long pause as John struggled for the words that just wouldn't come to him.