Letters [COMPLETED]

Chapter 9 - We're Brothers

SEULGI

I am feeling so uneasy with all these bandages around my body and head. It's a good thing after three days the doctor removed the cover on my eyes. I am using a pair of eyeglasses temporarily to lessen my headaches attack. Lisa has been so helpful just being around and doing things for me.  I asked her to go back home and see her parents if she does not want to go to the university but this brat is just too hard-headed.

There are some questions I love to ask from her but I could not gather enough courage to ask. I feel so vulnerable speaking about delicate matters. And that very significant matter is no one but my first love. It made me anxious at times thinking how on Earth she's not even here to see how am I doing? Maybe she doesn't know whatever happened to me. Of course, we have not kept in touch for ages. I wonder if Lisa and she are still exchanging messages through SNS. It sucks when you cannot move on from your ex. I feel like a total loser.

"Monkey, did you tell this to Seungwan?" I am hoping she did so Seungwan would feel guilty and see me. I wish she realized her mistake and come back to me.

"I did," Lisa answered without paying attention to me. She's humming while cutting the mango.

"And?" I am feeling hopeful at some point.

"She was really worried about you, Seul, and asked me to give her updates."

"Tell her the truth then. And make it more dramatic and convincing so she goes back to me." I persuaded her.

"Bear," Lisa stopped from cutting the mango and put down the knife. "You already know the answer. Why are you still hoping for unnie to come back? You know she can't."

"Am I a joke to her? Did she really love me, huh?" I started to sob which earns Lisa's attention to sit next to me.

"You know she loves you still but you are making her choose between you and her family. That's selfish and unfair, Bear."

"Unfair? What about me Lis? She only decided for herself. Why didn't I just die? I really wish I died to make her feel guilty."

"Yah, stop saying that. You should be grateful you're alive. Unnie isn't your life, Bear. Live for yourself. And if you're gone then what about us? There are other people in your life too." Lisa was getting emotional. I felt bad because I was not thinking about her feelings.

"I can't even feel my legs, Lisa, and my eyes are hurting like crazy. Is this the way I should live now? Should I be really grateful?"

Lisa held my head and had me focus on her. "Seul, just listen and believe in me. You'll be able to walk and go hiking with me. Your eyes will also get better so stop whining like a loser. You know you are better than that."

I slapped her hands and tried to pull my face away. "Just accept it, Lis. I am going to be a total invalid. Maybe you go with mum and look for the coolest wheelchair there for me. And please make sure to process a handicapped ID for me too." I said sarcastically.

"Seul,"

"Stop being so positive about things. I rather die than to suffer for a lifetime like this." I spitted those words. I hate how things are happening around me. Everything seems to be out of control and chaos. I badly want Seungwan back to make me calm and tell me everything is going to be okay.

"Months from now you'll start your rehabilitation. So sooner or later you can go back to your own feet and do whatever. I promise to visit you weekly and see the change." Lisa said with full of hope.

"What for? To update everything to Seungwan?"

"No, because I am getting concerned about your grumpiness as your best friend. You are being short-tempered recently. Something only Unnie could stand with."