Diary ng assumera

Nothing can get worst

Last night, I told myself that If he'll still reply, I will not stop. But if he don't then I'll stop all the feelings that I have for him. But, unfortunately or fortunately. I don't know which is which really since I don't know if it's a good thing or not. He didn't replied, good thing because at least now I have a very good and enough reason to stop liking Brix. And the sad part is that, I need to start over again. -____- Which is a tiring thing to do. Or maybe I just don't like to.

This morning.

I was on my way to our classroom, nung naka-salubong ko si Brix na katext ko kagabi kaya lang hindi nagreply. Putapete, nagpaload pa kaya ako para sayo! X( Worth it though, kasi at least panatag na ako na there's no more reason to hold on to. So ayun nga, alam ko it was awkward walking with me up the stairs. That's the 5th time na sabay tayong umaakyat ng stairs, always. I don't know why. And it has always been awkward. :( But this morning, I told myself that I will not talk to you as much as I can, but when we saw each other you talked to me first. I'll be a bitch if I don't answer you. So I said hi too. Nagmadali ako, like I always do. Iniisip ko kasi kung bakit ako nag-hi din. Nakakabwisit, I wanted to stop, so please stop talking to me? Okay? X( I'm not mad, well I am. But not with you, with myself because I can't stop this feelings. :| If it includes you, I can't resist. But you know, I'm doing good. :D

Yesterday I asked Pia to ask you who your crush is. And she did, and you answered... Wanna know the answer? >:) It's Pia, Brix likes Pia, before. But now. He has no crush, oh bullshit. Don't lie, Ofcourse you'll say that you're talking to Pia bitch, of course you wont tell her directly that you like her. :( I'm not stupid. And since Pia is a very good friend, to me. I just forgot about it, but that moment. To tell you the truth, a tear fell while I was on my way to the computer lab. Good thing I have glasses which made the tear not-so-visible. Plus, it was dark in the stairs that time so I was able to dry my eyes by blowing upward. And it was effective, and then you'll never know that from my big eyes a tear fell.. I fake it oh so well, I passed by Brix like nothing happened, I know it was Brix but I pretended that I wasn't looking at him. I pretended that I didn't know it was him. I even rolled my eyes, I think. :)

Then, we all went inside the lab. The practical was horrible, I wonder what my grades this trim will be. I'm ready for bullshit anyway, that's what I'm experiencing this past few days. So I'm getting immune to bullshit.

I think Pia feels bad for me, I think she thinks I'm mad at her or something. :( But honestly, I'm not.. I'm mad at myself for assuming he was looking at my way. When he's not, he was looking at Pia. Who is unfortunately seated beside me. :( Yes, perfect. Tangina, akala ko sakin nakatingin, sa katabi ko pala. Tangina talaga. X(

I think the only good thing that happened today is that our loving adviser transferred me to Luisa's place who is next to Woax the funny and crazy seat-mate of mine. :D That somehow helped, because I swear to God, when you sit at that fucking corner. All your thoughts will crash, you will feel so alone there. =))))) I'm serious. You'll think of lots things there, it'll all go crashing down. :D Nakakabaliw. Wala ka pang kausap. Hindi ko kaya dun, good thing nailipat na ako ulit.

We had a crazy and semi-serious convo

W= Woax

E= Elle

E: pano kung yung crush mo akala mo nakatingin sayo, sakin pala? Eh na-fall ka na?

W: Edi, hindi ko na siya titignan. Swerte ba siya? :D

Ha, Brix told me pala na kaya hindi daw siya nagreply kasi hindi na niya alam kung ano yung irereply niya. >:) Oh shut up, hindi ka nagrereply kasi katext mo si Pia.

Then I was standing in front of Gail who happens to be in front of you. Floating. I was looking at nowhere, I was thinking deeply. :( I wanted to burst out. -____- But Brix saw me, before he clapped his hands in front of my face I already saw him, I just pretended that I didn't because he might notice that I'm looking at him too. So I just waited for him to disturb my moment, which he did. And it was okay. In fact, I looked at him once more, probably the last meaningful look I will ever give him. And that moment when I was looking at him and he was looking at me too. These only word in my head was "GOODBYE" I don't know why, for some reason it just popped inside my head. And then I smiled at him, and looked somewhere else. :)

And now, J can say that. I can be a good actress. You see, I was still able to smile during bad times. I am so strong, I smiled at the reason why I'm so sad. And that, I can be pretty bitter at times. :) Actually, I don't really know if I'm going to continue this, since our story has ended already. So should I? Sabi nga ng teacher ko "If you truly love someone, let them go. And let it come. Let love come."

Since I think I've fallen for you. I love you so much, I would sacrifice. Sacrifice you, my love.