What Is This Family?!

S1 Ep2

*Confessional-Jason*

"So after last night's food fight, Dad was looking up addresses for orphanages.  I know because when I walked into the library to retrieve a book, Saint Peter's Orphanage for Children and Adults was on the screen of the computer. I think Dad wants to get rid of everyone but Gale, Rudy, and Bree."

*Muffled voice asks a question*

"What the was the food fight about? Rudy was about to expose one of my darkest secrets. I couldn't let that happen so I told a fat lie. Well, it was partially true. I did have a bunch of cookies that I didn't share but not at school. Alfred packs our lunches, so everyone would have the same lunch. He rarely packs cookies, knowing that we could have a sugar rush from the sugar in it. That's why we never should have a shit ton of cookies before patrol. NEVER!"

*Que intro video*

*Show opens with the family perched on a roof.*

"Did you know that turtles can breathe from their butts as well as their noses?"

"Nightwing, no talking." Batman grunted.

"Yeah, 'Wing. We don't need to hear weird random facts from you." Ember Hayle said.

"Fine. Be that way, Bree. But did you know that if some guy stares at another guy for long periods of time, he's probably gay?"

"I feel like you are telling us that you're gay, Nightwing." Robin announced.

"I'm not gay! Jay probably is though."

"I'm not gay! Demon definitely is." Red Hood defended. Robin scoffed.

"What makes you think that, Hood?"

"The way you talk about Jon. And the way you perk up when you hear his name. And you act differently around him than with us."

"I can totally see how Rob is just enjoying his time with his BEST FRIEND. Jon's literally his only friend. And why are we discussing this? 'Wing's acting like he's on sugar." Nightingale said., defending Damian.

"That's cause I am. I downed a whole tray of Agent A's cookies before patrol. So I'm high on sugar. And WHOOOOOOO BABY! Does this feel good! It feels waaaaaayyyyyyy better than listening to Hood saying that he's not gay."

"Why are we talking about this topic with Hood, Rob and 'Wing? We should be discussing Black Bat and how silent she goes when she sees this certain girl at school. What's her name, Cass?" Phantasm asked.

"S-Stephnee B-Bwon." Cass struggled to say.

"Ahhhh, yes. Stephanie Brown. Daughter of Cluemaster. Totally the girl to fall in love with." Red Robin teased.

"Stop! She good! Not mean!" Black Bat cried as she hit her big brother on the head.

"Black Bat, don't hit your brother. Red, don't tease your sister. And please. Stop talking about the sexualities of your siblings." Wonder Woman intervened.

"Thanks mom. It was getting kind of uncomfortable hearing y'all from your comms. Anyway, you should to to the tower. I see a break in about to happen. Tenth floor. Oracle out." Barbara said over their comm units. She was their eyes in the sky, or the one sitting in front of the Batcomputer.

*Scene shifts to a fight in the Wayne Tower.*

"Take that ugly beasts! You don't get to mess with the most famous man in Gotham." Ember yelled as she shot fire and ice at three burglars.

"Oh no! It's the huge Bat fam! What should we do?" One man asked in a mocking manner.

"Leave. Place. Now." Black Bat snarled. With her limited speech, she could strike fear into the baddies.