What's on my mind (Todobaku)

Chapter 1

Todoroki pov.

I looked out the window while bouncing my leg up and down and chewed on my eraser, a nervous habit that I had somehow picked up in this last week. Everything outside was calm and beautiful, the trees swayed in the distance, the wind rustling their leaves making sounds as if they were whispering and telling secrets to mother nature. Birds flew in the sky gently and gracefully gliding on the wind, and to top it all off the sun peeking through the clouds providing a warm reassuring glow to the world outside. Inside was a different story, the boring buzz of the school air conditioner on a hot day and the dull yellowish glow of the lights above.

"- oroki, todoroki, hello. . .? Icy hot!" I blinked and sucked in a fast breath snapping me out of my daze as I stared at the boy in front of me.

"Huh?" I said

"Oi, peppermint stick, class ended five minutes ago it's lunchtime now," Bakugo said in his loud voice. I looked around to see that he was right, vacant seats and desks littered the room. Aizawa sat at his teacher's desk grading papers as Present Mic walked into the room so they could have lunch together. "Anyway, I only told you because I need to borrow your eraser." he continued, a little calmer. I dug around in my backpack until I produced a small pink bit of rubber and my lunch box. I pressed the eraser into his hand, thankful for the small excuse to touch his hand, something that made my heart speed up and a very light, almost unnoticeable dusting of pink grace my cheeks. I held onto his rough hand for a beat too long before I pulled back.

"Sorry" I whispered quietly before grabbing my lunch with my other hand and walking out of the room, but not before seeing Aizawa and Present Mic looking at us as they might watch a show on the television, something in both of their eyes, was it . . . Amusement?

I walked up the stairs to the roof and swung the door open, then plopping myself on the ground with my back against the wall,l I opened my container of food, looked at it for a minute, then deciding I wasn't hungry and putting it back. I returned my gaze to the beauty that was nature.

My mind was a mess, I felt like it was going a million miles an hour with voices and thoughts clouding it every second, it's like running on a treadmill while trying to read a book and juggle at the same time, all the while trying not to slow down or fall off. I feel like it just never turns off, I can never just be happy with myself. I am never good enough. I thought of myself as dumb, even though I am somewhere at the top of my class, and fat, even though I am normal some might say underweight. I thought of myself as ugly, although all the girls always try to give me their phone numbers. But worst of all, I like guys, which is supposed to be wrong and disgusting, at least my dad thinks so. I don't talk to him that much anymore. When I came out to him, he said I was disgusting and ever since he thought of me as weak, he started hitting me. It always gets worse when he goes out drinking with his friend and comes home drunk. He hits me harder and says things that no father should ever say to their son. I remember when this all started he would kick me harder if I cried, this continued until one day I just stopped. I haven't been able to cry ever since. But it's fine, I can deal with it, maybe I deserve it. There are people in way worse situations that need a lot more help than I do so why bother saying anything, right?

I pulled my knees up to my chest as I checked the time on my watch, I sighed and mentally slapped myself for spacing out again, I was about to be late for class.

Hello! I'm the author of this story. This story will be about depressed TodorokixBakugo, if this is something that might trigger you, I strongly suggest not reading this story. I do not support things like self-harm I'm simply writing this to get some feelings out. If you ever feel like this please talk to someone you trust. I hope you enjoy, I will always be open to constructive criticism or if anyone just wants to talk.