Worth It

Twenty

I woke up in my soft bed and for the first time in months, I didn't have a nightmare. I don't know if this is going to last but having a peaceful nights rest is a rare commodity that I plan on savoring.

It's been about a month since I snuck out. I spoke to my dad about it and he understood. He said that I'm allowed to leave the tower as long as I'm accompanied by an adult(excluding Clint).

I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed the least dented apple. I took a seat at the small table by the window and scrolled through social media while eating my apple.

My apple was half gone when I felt a weird sensation around my ankles. I looked down and was completely astonished by what I saw. A fluffy white cat was snaking through my legs.

"Hey little buddy." I quietly greeted the cat and was met with a soft meow.

There's a no pets rule so I have no clue why there's a cat here and how it got on my floor.

"FRIDAY, where did this cat come from?"

"That cat belongs to sergeant Barnes. Would you like me to alert him?" The AI asked me.

"No." I responded "I'll just bring them back down to Bucky."

I lifted the soft cat and carried it to the elevator. I went down to Steve, Sam, and Bucky's floor and stepped out.

Their floor was a mess. Pillows and blankets strewn about, cabinets and cupboards open. Bucky was running around, overturning furniture and yelling while Steve was following him, trying to calm him down. Sam was sitting in an armchair, laughing.

"Hey, is this your cat?" The three men looked at me, then to the cat in my arms.

"Alpine!" Bucky jumped over a couch and took his cat from me. "Where did you find him?" He asked me while hugging the small cat.

"He was on my floor, no idea how he got there. Also, why do you have a cat? Isn't there a no pets rule?" I questioned.

"He got him right after that rule was instituted." Steve role me.

"Of course he did." I chuckled to myself.

"What am I supposed to do when someone makes a dumb rule, follow it?" Bucky defended himself.

"Yes." Steve and Sam said in unison.

"You're one to talk 'mr lied on his enlistment forms'" Bucky said to Steve and I do my best to hide a smile.

"Not fair." Steve mumbles before his face lights up as if a lightbulb went off in his brain. "Tony wanted me to tell you something." He tells me.

"What did he want you to tell me?" I ask.

"You're going shopping with Nat and Wanda tomorrow." He says.

"Why?"

"He's having a party next week and he said that you 'need to dress the part'"

"What part?"

"Not sure, someone who would get invited to a Stark party I guess." I shrug, that makes sense.

"Cool. I'm gonna go train with Nat. See you guys later." I take the elevator back down to my floor, change into a long sleeve athletic top and a pair of black leggings.

When I get down, Natasha is all ready to go.

Nat and I trained for a few hours before I got hungry and had to eat. I'm getting better, learning how to use my strength and not relying on my powers. It's hard but I'm glad I'm doing it.

I'm not looking forward to shopping with Nat and Wanda tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I love Nat and Wanda. I don't love shopping. I don't love that whatever dress they pick for me with inevitability show the scars that I so desperately want to hide.

I looked over at my clock to check the time.

2:45 a.m.

I can't sleep so what's the point of staying in bed. I throw the covers off and pull a sweatshirt over my head. I go to the kitchen and look for snacks, there's nothing good so I go to the communal kitchen instead. There's more snacks down there.

I open the fridge and crouch down to look for something to eat.

"Whatcha doin'?" A deep voice asks. I jump and fall over, clutching my chest.

"Jesus Christ! You scared the shit out of me!" Bucky laughs. "Yeah, yeah, real funny asshole." He walks over to the kitchen counter and grabs a plum.

"Don't let Steve hear you talking like that. He'll give you a stern talking to." I get up off the floor and grab a bag of blueberries.

"What are you doing up?" I ask him.

"Can't sleep." He shrugs. "You?"

"Same." I throw a blueberry into my mouth.

"Any particular reason?" He asks me.

"You first." He rolls his eyes.

"Nightmares. Now you."

"Stressed about tomorrow."

"Why?"

"I don't really like shopping." I turn around to grab a glass from one of the cupboards. While I'm reaching for one, I notice one of my sleeves falling around my elbow. I quickly pull it back to my wrist but not before I catch Bucky staring.

"Is that all?" He asks. I feel myself getting nervous.

"I think I'm going to go back upstairs." I start walking towards the elevator but he stops me by grabbing my wrist.

"Hey, you don't have to be embarrassed." He says kindly.

"I'm not embarrassed and I'm not looking for pity either."

"I'm not pitying you, I'm saying that I understand."

"Sure you do." I scoff and he raises an eyebrow. He lifts up one of his sleeves and shows me his own scars, identical to mine.

"Now sit and tell me the real reason you're nervous." He points to one of the stools at the kitchen counter. "Before I get Steve to give you an inspirational speech." I laugh and sit down, he sits next to me.

"Why are you nervous?"

"Because," I sighed. "You may not pity me, but I know that people are bound to. I don't want to explain to Nat and Wanda why I'm uncomfortable but I also don't want to have to suffer in silence and unfortunately, there isn't a third option." I throw a blueberry into my mouth.

"What makes you think they'll pity you?" He asks.

"I don't think they will but I know that people will. I don't want to hear about how I'm 'so brave'. Also I know that Natasha will offer to kill the people that lead me to doing this and one person has already offered to kill my former foster dad so I think that's plenty." He looks confused but doesn't question me.

"Think of it this way," he stands up. "If you show your scars and people say some dumb shit, you can just kick them out of the party. I'm sure Tony will do it." He shrugs and walks into the elevator before going back up to his floor.

I go back to my room and get into bed. I shut off my lights and settle into the soft blankets. Slowly, I drift off.