The Blue Orchid Years

Chapter 17: Bouncing Back

September 21st 2626

An unexpected e-mail landed in my inbox today. It was from mom.

Dear Nardho,

Johan called home the other day. He briefed me on how you and Nardhia are doing. I have thought about calling you but since I don't know your schedule I decided to write you instead.

You have a lot to live for. Yes, you are probably tired of hearing variations of that sentence repeated, but you truly have things to look forward too. You can bounce back from this. You are surrounded by people who love you wholeheartedly.

Your brother, your sister, and I will never give up on you, so please don't give up on yourself. Easier said than done, yes, but it doesn't have to be.

Try not to worry too much about college. As long as you do your best, that's all I could ever ask for. Even if things don't work out, you'll always have a safe place to come home to. So, don't be afraid of trying new things. Do what makes you happy.

Forever praying for your happiness,

Mom

P.S.: I'm sorry to hear you haven't been eating well. I attach recipes of your favorite foods, hopefully that will help.

I re-read the e-mail a few more times and something indescribable hit me. Inspiration? No, that wasn't it. More like...Relief? A sense of knowing that I had a safety net? Whatever it was, it gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I needed those non-judgmental words to help me out of the vortex. Don't get me wrong, recovery from depression and anxiety could be a long-winded road. That was why I finally caved in and saw a counselor, who referred me to a psychiatrist. I got a prescription for Prozac, also known as fluoxetine. Each morning, I had to take 10 milligrams of those pills to manage my psychomotor agitation, also known as nervous energy. Reading my mom's words, however, were also surprisingly helpful in calming my nerves. I didn't know if it was a placebo effect or if her words reached me because of their sincerity.

I checked the recipes mom sent. They were pretty easy to make. Most of them were rice-based with a side of stir-fried vegetables. There was a recipe for soft-boiled egg and garlic bread. Hm. That could be good for quick breakfast tomorrow, assuming I could find it in me to take more than a few bite.

I started writing my reply.

Dear Mom,

Thank you for the recipes. I'm sorry for making you worry. I'll try to eat more and slowly but surely return to a healthier weight. Thank you for not lecturing me.

Mom, it's been hard just trying to get out of bed, but you're right that there's so much I can expect from life. I still want to experience what life has to offer and for that I need to pull myself up. It's gonna be an uphill battle but you've raised me to be a fighter. I'll fight the way you have always fought to provide for us. I'll fight even if life keeps on throwing curves.

Take care of yourself too,

Nardho

As soon as I hit the 'send' button, I felt as if the last two weeks were just my imagination. In a way, they were--I created imaginary conflicts and everything I worried about was just in my head. This did not mean my struggle was not real, but this did mean that it was up to me to crawl out of the miserable hole and to say to myself: "Enough, dude. The world isn't as bleak as you made it out to be."

So, first order of business... Fill my tummy. I went to raid my mini fridge and found a carton of eggs, half-glass of milk, and leftover sourdough bread. Not too shabby. I could make sunny side up or scrambled egg, maybe even French toast.