The Blue Orchid Years

Chapter 15: Distraught

"Dh-Dhia...Tell Rain and everyone else that it has been an honor to be their friend." I shoved her and got up. "And I'm sorry that I can't see the project through to its completion."

"Wait! Honey, where are you headed?" Moira ran after me but I ran faster.

"Come back, you fool! We're a team and teammates help one another!" My sister's voice sounded very distant as I quickened my pace.

The two girls kept trying to chase me but they couldn't match my speed. I soon reached the outskirts of the campus.

The trees were as green as I remembered them. I smiled as I reminisced about the time I brought Moira here our freshman year. I was so hopeful and bushy-tailed back then, not weary and worn down by life.

I went down the stairs that led to a long, muddy trail. Some birds chirped and some squirrels peeked from the branches. I wondered if wild critters could ever imagine what it felt like to be a human.

The trail ended and I stood at the edge of a raging river. The water was sparkling, exactly like that one evening when I strolled along the riverbank with Moira.

I squatted down to see my reflection on the water. The face on the water was pathetic--thin, pale, and dirty. The poster boy for malnourishment. I had not been able to get my appetite up lately--everything I ate tasted like under-seasoned mashed potato. Even my favorite dish, chicken porridge, lost all of its flavors. No wonder I looked underweight.

I stretched and started gathering small stones. I got a handful before I heard a girl screaming my name.

"Don't even think of jumping! Nardho! If you jump I'll jump too!" Moira sprinted toward me.

"No, you won't. You don't know how to swim." I said emotionlessly.

"Give me the stones!" She barked.

"No." I stepped back. "Please don't tell me what to do. I'm tired. Let me rest."

"GIVE ME THE STONES!" She thundered. "You have no idea how many of us will miss you when you're gone!"

"They always say that," I spat. "They will say anything to assuage themselves of the helplessness."

"How foolish can you be? The friendships you have with Rain and Hamza and Tony, do they mean nothing to you?!"

"I am not their only friend. Frankly, I haven't even been a very good one. They'll manage without me."

"What about me? Do I mean nothing to you? What about Nardhia?"

"I've been a shitty sibling, Moira. I'm not very proud of myself."

"That's enough!" A familiar voice stopped us from continuing our argument. My twin sister appeared from behind a tree, followed by my older brother and his husband.

"Johan? Kenta? How did you find me?"

"Nardhia called us for back-up," Kenta said with his hand outstretched, asking for the stones. "She figured you're running to the river."

I refused to give him the stones but Johan's pleading eyes moved me. I gave up and let Kenta take the stones away.

"Come here," Johan called. "Come here, you're not in trouble. I just want to hug you." He called again when I didn't budge.

I buried my face in his chest and bawled. It would have been better if he reprimanded me or used his resident assistant voice on me. Why did he have to be so kind?

"You're safe now. I was so scared, it was like a race against time. I'm so glad I wasn't too late. I don't want to imagine not having my litt--" Johan stopped mid-sentence to compose himself. "You're not as alone as you think. I'm here and, believe it or not, I've been suicidal too."