Murdering One Direction

Goodbye

Nothing in this world makes me happier than seeing Louis in pain. Money is a close second, but Louis in pain is always going to be my number one. That's why when I told Louis I was going back home, it was the happiest moment of my life.

"You can't leave, what about all the good times we had?" Louis was desperate to find any reason to make me stay.

"Oh, you mean like killing off the most annoying boy band in the world and kidnapping the President? Is that what you consider a good time?" He nodded. I sighed, "Look, I told you from the beginning that I was in it for the money. Maybe I'll come back and visit if you pay me, but you have to pay me like double what I usually ask for because the exchange rate is awful." He started tearing up. It was glorious; this is the kind of moment I had dreamed of forever. I almost cried myself because it was so beautiful to see him being tortured by misery.

Louis wiped his eyes and composed himself enough to say, "Well, make sure to say hi to Barack for me, I miss him." Out of context, that would have been even weirder than it already was. "Oh, and send me souvenirs." Louis Leaned in for a hug.

Usually, I'm not interested in hugs (especially from Louis), but when I saw the 20 dollar bill hanging out of his back pocket, I hugged him and snatched it before he could see what I did. Too easy.

"Goodbye, Louis. May our paths never cross for as long as I live."

"Goodbye, my best friend." Ew. I could write a whole other story just based on how disgusted I was when he said that. But I won't.

I turned around and ascended up the stair into my private jet (a gift from my boy Obama). I made sure to sit by a window because I know that staring out a window would make reflecting on my experiences more dramatic.

To this day, I often find myself studying my current life and wondering what it would have been like if I had stayed there with Louis. Every time I do, I come to the same conclusion: I would have hated my life. I definitely made the right choice. Yet, I can't help but feel sympathy towards Louis. Having only one "friend" and watching them board a plane, knowing that you will likely never see them again. That must have been one of the most difficult moments of his life. 

I will say, despite how often I told Louis it was all about the money, I honestly forgot about the money about halfway through chapter 6. At that point, I was just doing it for the fun of it. Yup, murdering and kidnapping people for fun. I should probably find a way to rephrase that. Whatever. Also, sitting on this plane and dramatically staring out this window is making me wonder one more thing...

Why did I ever let Louis go and make a solo career? He's going to make absolutely zero monies because he is a horrible singer. I did the calculations of how much money I'd make so many times. Still, somehow I had totally failed to take into account that his singing voice was so bad I once watched a man confined to a wheelchair miraculously hop to his feet so that he could walk over to Louis to shut him up. Maybe if I'm lucky, and considering the fact he's the only member of One Direction left, he could still technically record music under that name. No matter what kind of trash music he puts out, people will still buy the album if it has One Direction's name on it. Well, anyway, I pray for the best for Louis, because the better he does the more money I make.

As I was sitting there alone with my thoughts, my phone began buzzing. Interesting, I should have absolutely no reception up here on this plane. I picked up.

A voice, smooth and inviting, garnered my attention. "Hello. You don't know me, but I think I have an offer here that you won't be able to refuse."

As he laid out his offer, a devilish grin slithered onto my face. He asked the fateful question. "So. Are you in?"

"I'm in."

I chuckled to myself and called for the butler. "Hey, tell the pilot to turn this plane around; there's been a change of plans."

I turned elegantly back into my seat, my devilish grin lengthening.

"I guess I have some unfinished business to attend to."