"Louis, there's a couple of things you need to know about how I work. One, I work alone, unless money is involved. Two, I charge 5 times what I say I'll charge but won't tell you until it's already been taken out of your account. Lastly, I have a system, that when messed up, messes up everything about the murdering. You don't realize how organized my system is. I don't sleep, I plan (that's honestly not really true, but it sounded pretty cool in the heat of the moment). I killed Henry McFyles, but Zaiyne is dead." (I've given up on spelling at this point)
Louis' look of despair penetrated my soul in an extremely gay way that made me feel uncomfortable; yet it spoke to me. Without a single word uttered, it said, "Bruh, I know that's just a bunch of bull crap."
He was half-right, but still I glowered at him and replied sassily, "Louis! This is your fault for making up a stupid story about Henry McFyles!" I leaned in and in a hush voice panicked "You don't understand. We could get caught if we don't act right now."
"Alright," he answered," but you need to promise one thing... You must admit to being my bff."
My eyes rolled so hard one of my contacts popped out. I had to go to the bathroom to wash it off. When I returned, I gave into his trivial commands because time was not on my side. " Louis, you're my bff..." I mumbled so much I could barely even hear myself.
He glimmered at me, "What was that?"
Painfully, I lectured. "Louis, no matter how pathetic your life is and however gay you may possibly be, not to mention how many times you have to talk about The Bachelor: due to the circumstances we are currently in, you are my bff, no matter how much it pains me to say so." Those words were like poison on my tongue.
"There you go, that's all I wanted to hear."
Then there were the sirens again."Louis," I instigated, "Your forcing of bff-ness has caused us to run out of time and the coppers are probably on their way to arrest us for the murder of Zaynye ... something. However, lucky for you, I figured you would screw up like this so I have already come up with a plan to save our butts from going to jail and losing that sweet career money..."
I paused for a moment to add suspense to the short chapter – cause let's face it, nothing exciting really happened yet...
"We're going to kidnap the president."
YOU ARE READING
Murdering One Direction
HumorWhat if you had a chance to cleanse the world, would you? Presented with the opportunity to rid the world of One Direction and hopefully turn a profit, I team up with Louis Thomlinson to exterminate the world's most famous band, one member at a time...
