When the Silence is Broken

Note to Future-Self

Dear Future Me,

How old are you right now? Not sure when you'll read this or even find this letter but hopefully you do. Currently life is hard... it always is, I can't help it. Do you remember what you went through as a teen? How you spent every night falling asleep crying; how you ate chocolate when you were upset because you believed it would make you feel better? All the poems and journals you wrote filled with sadness and pain? Have you read the journals yet? You should if you still have them, I hope you do. They're filled with a dark past but you'll find pages about a happy events too. I know reading it may be uncomfortable and bring back unwanted memories, but you need to accept your past and learn from it right? Plus I don't want you to forget me, your teen-self.

I hope you're in a better place now. That your happy and have been courageous enough to overcome what I couldn't do. Please live on for the both of us. After four now beginning five years of depression, I hope that you have gotten over this mental illness and live life without any worries.

So in this letter I have written, I placed all my wishes and hopes for you, if they haven't come true yet, just wait. Anyway, I hope that you are happy with whatever you are doing. That you have chosen a career that your willing to do and happy with; that you didn't become a lawyer like mom and dad wanted or go to the university they chose. I hope that you have chosen what YOU want to do and if you still don't know yet, find it. I hope you no longer get discouraged by failure and instead use it as motivation. Don't be afraid to take risks, I certainly am, but please have courage to overcome your fears so you have nothing to regret about not doing.

Speaking of regrets, don't regret anything about the past. At the time you thought those were the right choices. You can't change the past so you might as well get over it. Don't be such a perfectionist! It's okay to make mistakes! (even though I still have trouble accpeting that... haha I'm such a hypocrite ^^;).

And on that topic, I hope you don't beat and put yourself down as much over messing up.

Also, I want you to know that you're a beautiful girl (now woman probably). I hope that when you look at yourself in the mirror you call yourself "beautiful" or "pretty" or whatever makes you feel good. I hope that when you call yourself those things you finally believe it. I hope you no longer care about your flaws and think that they're all anyone can see.

I hope you also wear whatever you want to wear. Do what makes you feel comfortable. A dress, pants, sweats, hoodie or the combat boots I adore. (Lol do you remember how tomboyish and spunky you were?)

Future me, I hope that when you smile, you smile as wide as you can because you don't care that your teeth aren't perfect. I hope you'll smile and laugh over many more things and no longer sulk. I hope that when you laugh you'll laugh as hard as much as you can until tears fall from your eyes. Happy tears. Please don't be sad anymore.

I know there will be sad times waiting in store for me/us. It's inevitable. I hope that when those times come you have someone to hold you while you're crying. Believe me, I know it sucks being alone especially when you're sad, so hopefully you have someone to comfort you.

Also I hope you still continue to do everything that you (or I?) love whether you still draw, play piano, paint, read watch anime, etc. Do what you love to do, I hope you know longer feel embarrassed over the things you love to do and ignore what others say.

Most importantly, I hope you accept yourself for who you are; not minding what others say or think. I hope you know that you're fine the way you are.

Finally, I'll leave you with this last statement: I wish for you to do what you love, love what you like and MOSTLY love yourself.

Best wishes from,
16 year (almost 17 year old you)

P.S. Who do we(I? You?) marry?
Do you know how to cook yet?

P.P.S DON'T LOSE THIS LETTER!! I stayed up until 12 am writing it... during exam week and didn't study for math because of you. So feel special!

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This letter was inspired by @EKristenAnderson (Author of Dear Teen Me) who put out this challenge. I love your books keep doing what you're doing! Thank you for doing this challenge it really made me think a lot and put so much emotion into it. And to my readers, I'm now passing the challenge to you. Write a letter to your future self about anything you want. It's really helpful to use as a release and nice to read. Let me know how it goes for you and if you don't mind, I'd love to read them!