Flame [h.s.]

28| Cardigan

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan
Under someone's bed
You put me on and said I was your favorite
A friend to all is a friend to none
Chase two girls, lose the one

Harry

I'm nervous.

Never once I imagined that I would be coming back to London to play much less in a popular pub like this, it is just surreal to me.

But here I am, making my way to the pub, one of the busiest in downtown London after I had gone to the hotel to drop my small duffle bag which only had one set of clean clothes and underwear to wear tomorrow to return home. Next to me on the passenger's seat I was carrying my most loyal and truthful friend, my guitar.

She never lets me down.

"Are you nervous?" I ask looking down at my guitar. "Well, I am." I reply to myself knowing I look like an idiot talking to a musical instrument.

If I hadn't messed up maybe I would have a nice company today, but I had to fuck everything up didn't I?

Olivia is working today, I know how much her job means to her, especially after the fiasco the job at the museum was. However, maybe but only maybe if I hadn't been an asshole lately, she could have found a way to come. Having her here would make me feel much more relaxed, because I know I would have someone in the crowd who loved my music.

This is what I get from being a complete idiot, I guess I deserve it.

I don't know why I ignored Olivia the way I did after we kissed, it was the last thing I wanted to do. But when I got home that night and looked at Addison guilty started to consume my body. Not because I felt guilty for cheating on my wife, and that was the scariest part. I felt guilty because I had cheated and that was wrong, not because I felt bad for doing it to my wife.

I should feel my conscience weight in, right? I should look at Addison's eyes and see the reflection of a cheating bastard in them.

But I didn't. And that was what scared me.

It made me realize we are beyond repair, that our relationship is doomed. If I don't even feel guilty after kissing another woman, that must mean something.

I'm just too much of a pussy to even consider doing something about it. Addison has been my wife for the last ten years, some of those years we were on our absolute lowest, but we have had a lot of highs as well. I'm not ready to give that up yet, mostly because without her I have nothing.

I know it is a wrong motive to keep a marriage going, but maybe this is just a bad phase. Even so, cheating on Addison with Olivia is wrong and I should stop it before it gets too far. I had the chance to stop it when Olivia gave me an ultimatum at the pub. I either worked for her or didn't even have to bother showing up again.

That was the escape I needed, I could have ended things between us right there and save me so many problems. Still, I couldn't take it. Instead, I worked my ass off to win her back, which for Olivia wasn't good enough because she still hasn't forgiven me.

I guess this is what I get for calling her childish and ignoring her for a week after kissing her. I can't forget she has feelings, I can't play with her like this. She was making me pay for my actions, something I was not used, mostly because I have never worked this hard for anyone besides very few women in my life, Addison included.

One thing I know, I'm not giving up on Olivia so soon, not after I had a taste of how good she makes me feel.

"I guess this is it." I say to my empty car as I spot the pub ahead of me. I don't know why I even bothered to drive all the way here, we are in central London, there isn't any place to park the car. Ten years ago when London wasn't the touristy hot spot of the moment, I would have managed to find a parking place here, now it is impossible.