Ties Between Freedom and Love

✦20✦ - Somethings Never Leave Us

Chapter Twenty
Somethings Never Leave Us

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Emma walked down the hallway of the TARDIS she'd just changed and taken a shower and now she was looking for the Doctor, but instead, she found Adam and he wasn't leaving her alone for a second.

"Emma, can you come here?" the Doctor called out. Adam glanced behind him at the Doctor and Emma sighed in relief, he then looked back at her and she gave him an apologetic look before slipping around him and walking into the Doctor's room.

"Thank, Chuck!" she sighed and he chuckled at her.

"Looked like you needed a rescue," the Doctor remarked, sparing her a look as he rummaged through his desk draws for something.

"Yeah," Emma agreed, "if I knew he was going to be this annoying I wouldn't have let Rose bring him along."

"He likes you."

"Well, he can get in line," she commented, then walked up to him. "What are you looking for?"

"Nothing," he shook his head before closing the drawer. She gave him a look and raised an eyebrow at him, "It's just..." he broke under her gaze, "a healing patch. Van Statten did a number on my ribs with his stupid laser machine!"

"So I was right," Emma guessed and he frowned at her in confusion. "When you hugged me I felt you wince," she explained, "and I was also right about him wanting to make you exhibit A."

"Suppose so," the Doctor replied.

"Here," Emma gestured before taking his arm, "let me see."

"I'm fine," he reassured and moved to get out of her grip but she just tightened her hold and steered him toward the bed, she pushed him down by his shoulders and he unwillingly sat down.

"Stop being a baby," she told him.

"I am not..." he looked up at her offended but then cut himself off when she lifted his shirt up to see the bruises Van Statten's laser left. She softly touched the skin and he jerked back wincing.

"Sorry," she looked up at him.

"I'm fine," he repeated, almost trying to convince himself.

She laid a hand down, gently and tenderly. He felt his skin warm and she watched as his bruises slowly disappeared. "Feel better?" she asked, dropping her hand.

He felt a strange sort of loss, but he quickly shook his head and shifted from side to side feeling no pain whatsoever. "You healed me?"

"Yeah," Emma nodded, "I didn't know if it would work because when Papa tried to use his angel powers on the Slitheen it didn't. But I had to try," she told him.

"Thank you."

"You are welcome," she smiled but then it fell and he watched her look away from him different emotions flashing through her eyes.

"Hey," he reached for her, and she met his gaze, "what is it?"

She shook her head and sighed. "I couldn't save those men," she whispered, "and I couldn't save that Dalek."

"Em," the Doctor said, "it wasn't your fault if anything it was mine," he admitted. "It woke up when it saw me if it wasn't for me-"

"It would've still done it," Emma cut him off.

"No, it wouldn't have," he stated. "And it was right. We are the same."

"No, you're not."

"I wanted to kill it, Emma," he reminded her. "I would have if you didn't stop me. It was defenseless, open for the first time, I've never seen Daleks like that, and still... I was going to kill it."

Emma put her hand over his in comfort, "When I was fourteen..." she started, "I was kidnapped." She looked away from him. "Lucifer took me to try and prove a point. He..." she breathed out and he squeezed her hand to try and ground her, "he tortured me using an angel blade. It should have killed me but it didn't," she forced herself to look at him again.

"It scarred my grace instead. It damaged it. Me. My father couldn't heal it or fix me, Gabriel couldn't either. I had nightmares every night after that. I would scream myself awake and when I finally woke up my eyes would be this terrifying blue. It took me months to try and recover and even now I'm still trying. A year after it happened I saw Lucifer again, he smiled at me and... and it was like something just snapped. I couldn't control myself. All I remembered was everything he put me through. And the only thing I felt was anger. Hate. I attacked him and took my angel blade, ready to stab it through his skull and watch him collapse at my feet, see his wings burned into the ground."

She paused, the memories flooding her mind and overpowering her emotions. "What happened?" he asked pulling her out of her drowning darkness.

Emma swallowed and looked into his eyes, "My dad stopped me. He talked me out of it at the last second. He told me how different Lucifer and I were, how I wasn't a killer and I was good, and he wouldn't let me become one."

"You're lucky to have him," the Doctor told her and she smiled at him.

"I know. And you have me," she reassured. "We're all capable of doing things that only our worst nightmares could come up with. But what matters is that we fight against it, that we have someone to pull us back from stepping over the line and becoming something we couldn't live with. You're not them, Doctor," she promised. "Just like I'm not Lucifer. You save people at the cost of your own life."

"So do you," he reminded her.

"Yeah, and that's the simple difference. No matter how bad the outcome of something is at least we know we did everything in our power to try and stop it. To save lives. And you, Doctor," she looked at him softly smiling, "you saved this world four times since I've met you."

"And yet I couldn't save my own," he told her.

"What was it called?" Emma asked, "your home?"

"Gallifrey," he whispered. "It was beautiful, Em. The skies were orange," she smiled as he reminisced.

"It does sound beautiful," she agreed. "But what do you mean was, were? Gallifrey still exists doesn't it?"

His gaze dropped and he shook his head mournfully. "No, I destroyed it."

And she suddenly realized what happened, why he kept blaming himself. It all just clicked into place and she looked at him in sympathy. She stood up from where she was crouched in front of him and sat down on the bed, immediately he shifted slightly and she hugged him her arms around his neck as she leaned her head down on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."