JENLISA - BEFORE STAGE

L - 5

"I don't hate you, why would say that, Lisa?"

I was reminiscing our happy moments together during trainee days til Jennie's chocked up voice snapped me back to reality. I was visualizing that particular night when she gave me the most bittersweet goodbye. She's now staring at me while her eyes are starting to turn on the waterworks, breathing heavily while holding her chest.

"You know what I mean, Jennie. Or maybe I should call you Janey or JJ again so you'd remember everything?" I shoot up my eyebrow.

"Lisa! Stop it, we've talked about this."

"Talked about what, J? We never talked about anything! You never explained nor reached out but I tried to understand you.. for years! Because maybe you have your reasons, maybe I did something or maybe it was my mistake so I had to endure the pain and kept it all here!" I said pointing at my chest while trying to hold back my tears.

"I do not hate you, I just outgrew my old self," she glanced up to the ceiling trying to control the tears that were about to fill her eyes.

"And forgot about me? Instantly forgot that I was once your best friend? That I used to be the person that you run to when you're lonely? One night, we're happily roaming the streets of myeongdong then I woke up the next morning and you started to act as if I never existed? That was foul, Jennie! But I took it all in and never questioned your decisions."

"Right, let's not talk about this. I'm sorry for hurting you again," she nibbled her bottom lip.

"No, Jennie! We will talk about this, NOW!"

I could no longer take it, I just had to blurt it all out. For years, I've kept my silence in the hopes that maybe one day everything will be clearer. But up til this day, still none of it make sense. Jennie never explained anything to me.

"Tell me Jennie, what have I done to deserve this? What did I do wrong?" I reached for her hand and held it tightly.

"You did nothing wrong Lisa," she cleared her voice, shut her eyes and tears came rushing down her cheeks, she quickly wiped it.

"Then why did you start to ignore me after the night you kissed me?" I was fighting back my tears.

I'm staring at her eagerly, earnestly waiting for her answer. I have been waiting for this moment my whole life and now that it's finally here, I would never allow this to slip. I'm breathing heavily while waiting for Jennie's response, I'm holding on the buckets of tears that are about to fall any moment.

"I didn't mean to kiss you, Lisa. Please do not bring that up ever again," she took a deep sigh then looked away. FUCK, this scene is infuriating me.

"I need to know Jennie, please!"

I pleaded while trying to keep my voice calm, I kept on biting my lower lip cause I'm starting to become very desperate. I needed answers, I badly needed the answer, right now! Her eye sockets are starting to fill with tears again, she took a deep sigh and cleared her throat to regain her voice.

"Lisa, we were young and I was drunk. It was never my intention to kiss you, I wasn't aware of what I was doing back then," she shut her eyes hardly allowing the suppressed tears to roll down her face.

"Then why did you start to ignore me the next morning if that was just out of that fucking alcohol?" I clenched both my fist and jaw, looking at her sternly.

"I just don't want to be friends with you anymore, okay? I realised that we shouldn't be best friends, we were in a training, almost like a competition, we got to beat each other to stay on track!" my jaw dropped and I felt my body weaken after hearing her reply.

"Oh my god, Jennie! That's your reason? Fuck! For years, I blamed myself for allowing you to kiss me that night. I thought that it was my fault that you started to ignore me but now hearing all this? You're unbelievable, Jennie!" I was shaking my head and my eyes were pouring tears uncontrollably.

"I know, I'm selfish. I'm the most selfish person anyone could ever meet but that's the truth, Lisa. So now please, get over with the past and start living in the present! Move on!" she stamped her feet in frustration, wiped her tears then walked out of my room.

~

"Lisa, why did you suddenly ask me to accompany you here? I thought you're furious at me."

Rosé and I are now at the playground with Dalgom, Jisoo's dog. After that painful confrontation with Jennie, I was exhausted. I felt like I needed to breathe fresh air. I needed to release all the tension that was inside my system.

"I was really mad at you, Rosie! You shouldn't have said anything like that in front of our unnies, especially Jennie!" I glared at her.

"I'm really sorry Lisa, I was just fooling around. I wasn't expecting Jennie unnie to react like that. I swear to god, I too was shocked on the way she reacted towards our playful chitchat," she pouted while rubbing Dalgom.

"I know right?" I smirked then furrowed my forehead, still pretending to act mad.

"So are we cool now?" she smiled sweetly.

"I guess we already are," I rolled my eyes playfully then we did a fist bump.

Chaeyoung really understands me without having to explain myself. Though she annoys me and I annoy her but we call it quits. Lol. I love this chipmunk like a true-blooded sister, we may have different parents and bloodlines but we were born to be sisters by soul.

"You'll get over it," Chaeyoungie caressed my back gently.

"I know, it's just so heavy right now. I'm not sure if I could still handle it," my voice started to crack and my eyes starting to flood with tears.

"Hug Dalgomie then," she placed Dalgom on my lap then the dog started to bark nonstop.

"Fuck, Chae! You know Dalgomie and I are always at war!" Chae started to laugh out loud while taking back the dog and placing it back on her lap.

My tears were supposedly about to fall but they instantly dried up, because of fear that Dalgomie might have bitten me out of his frustration. I don't understand why this dog is always mad at me, he's such a mood >.<

"But do you want to cry?" Chae looking at me seriously.

"I want to but I can't, your serious face is giving me goosebumps and I cant help but cringe at the fact that I'm going to cry and you'll start to comfort me like we are some kind of melodramatic bro-shitters. Like, I better not!" I rolled my eyes, like fuck, why is this scene suddenly so funny?

I swear I wanted to cry but seeing Rosé being serious and all, makes me cringe. Like we aint actressy clingy bffs, we cool bros af. Lol. Maybe when we're older we'd become clingy, but for now, this scene of me crying and venting about Jennie, will be written on my cringe list.

"Let's get some chocolate milk and pizza, my treat!" Chaeyoung winked then side hugged me while beaming sweetly.