Raise Your Heart

Chapter 5

Trinity busied herself in the kitchen, consciously diverting her attention every time her mind wanted to remind her that Dante Venturi was sitting in the other room. She needed to get the lasagna out of the oven, the salad mixed and the bread warmed. She watched Petra pull the salad plates out of the refrigerator and frowned. That was supposed to be her job, not Petra's.

"Pet, go sit with Dante. I can take care of this."

Petra looked up, scrunching her nose. "No way. This is a lot to do. I can help."

"I don't want help. Please," she begged, "just go."

Petra sighed sympathetic. "Aww, Trin. It's okay. You'll see. Don't be nervous."

"I'm not nervous," Trinity protested.

"Mhm. My super hot cousin, your ex-boyfriend, is in the other room waiting for your cooking. Yeah right, you're not nervous. I mean...what are the odds of this happening?" Petra held up her hands. "It's definitely fate. But, just to make you happy, I'll go entertain the man."

"Thank you."

Petra was right. She was nervous. But she was also astonished, petrified and...and there was no name for what she was feeling. Another thing Petra hit the nail on the head was, what were the odds? How? How was Dante here? And how was he still the beautiful man she had run into at that grocery store? His beauty defied time. He looked perfect. The passing years did nothing but enhance him!

Pressing her palm against her stomach, she took in a deep breath and let it out slow. She needed to calm down. She needed to think rationally. Break everything down. It was simple. Dante just so happened to be Petra's cousin. No big deal. It was a small world. Things like this happened to people everyday. 

And it really wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like they had a bad relationship. She just ran out on him. He seemed to forgive her. Hell, he told her he loved her still. Kind of unbelievable, but whatever. This would all be fine.

Dante would eat dinner with her and Petra and then he would leave and that would be that. She would go to the fashion expo on Sunday and then return home. Life would then go on. So, Petra made a good point. Everything was okay.

So why did it feel like she was dying inside? Why did it feel like every memory she made during the short time she was with Dante flashed through her mind like a strobe light? His kisses at the forefront. The soft flesh of his lips, his strong hands. Even the smell of his cologne. Her eyes squeezed.

This was painful. Seeing Dante again brought everything back. Everything she worked so hard to suppress. Not just the good memories, but the very bad ones too. Whether she wanted to ignore it or not, Dante was part of the bad ones.

However, without Dante, where would she be? He gave her the out she so desperately needed. He sheltered her, fed her and provided her with the means to support herself. The means to start an entirely new life. And she grabbed it, with both hands. 

While she grabbed it with both hands, a measure of guilt was always with her for running. Perhaps that was why she was stuck in a perpetual loop of rationalizations and mental pros and cons lists when it came to Dante, and her abandonment. In part, it was because her leaving felt so selfish. It was selfish. One hundred percent. She had become the user. Dante gave and she took with greed. Not only did she take from him, but she took and ran. Ran without looking back. She bit the hand that fed. How was she any better than David? Greed was greed, no matter how it was presented.

Trinity pressed her fingertips into her eyes. She really was a Gemini. One side of herself was negative and saw all the pain and heartache. Saw Dante as a monster. Herself as a user. She was a proponent for keeping away and forging ahead on her own. The other side was an optimist. A forgiver. A glass half full kind of gal. She saw Dante as not only a monster, but a beautiful monster. Her savior. Now that her life was restarted, on her terms, she could branch out and do whatever she wanted.